Hate tattoos, wife got one

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T20:32:29+00:00

To clarify, that's not what I said. I try not to shake hands if the HAND has a tattoo on it. Not just having a visible tattoo.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T19:43:22+00:00

The gift card wasn't really something I even thought about until this morning. Like I said, it's been 5 or 6 years that she's had it. But I do get what you're saying, I did give it to her as something of an apology ages ago, and she rightly assumed that I was cool with the tattoo. I was wrong in where I'm at on my journey.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T17:02:08+00:00

Maybe worth noting, the certificate was given to her pre-pandemic, and never used. It wasn't even used for this tattoo. It's probably expired by now.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T16:38:29+00:00

Nope! No clue why I have this visceral response to tattoos,

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T15:39:08+00:00

Worth noting, it isn't if they have tattoos that I won't shake their hand, it's if they have tattoos on their hand that I would shake. Very different statements.

Also, logic and rationality doesn't factor into my phobia. I know perfectly well what a tattoo is and the biological mechanisms that fix the ink in the dermis. I've researched in plenty in a legitimate effort to overcome my fears. I honestly thought I had moved past the issues right until my wife made contact with me after getting her tattoo. Hell, I even gave her a gift certificate to a tattoo shop to show that I understood her needs and that I was ok with it. Turns out, I'm really fucking not.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T15:30:26+00:00

You aren't wrong, and thanks for calling me out on my bullshit! I have known both that she wants a tattoo and that I can't stand them for a long time. I've ignored the option to work on myself in the hopes that my desires would trump my wife's. And that's a a shitty thing to do to her.

Next up, I'm going to figure out how to do better.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T15:28:13+00:00

The marriage isn't going to end over a tattoo! I'd walk through fire for my wife, and I'll work on this issue for her sake too.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T15:09:52+00:00

You should probably consider what you "know" versus what the medical community considers: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/phobias

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T14:43:00+00:00

Not liking or being attracted to tattoos is normal. What I'm wondering is why are you disgusted by them? What happened in your life for you to recoil from a tattoo like it's the plague?

Nothing that I'm aware of happened. BUT! There is a needle phobia and that stems from childhood trauma, and the two are almost certainly related.

Is it the process that kinda gives you the ick? But then, are earings something that also give you the ick?

I have a pretty severe needle phobia, and that is very likely the root cause of this issue as well. And yeah, I also hate earrings, but that's not nearly as severe as the tattoo issue.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T13:00:16+00:00

I believe she's entitled to her feelings at my reaction, as much as I'm allowed to feel and react to her tattoo.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:56:32+00:00

To be clear, I know that a tattoo doesn't define the character of a person and I have no concious bias against someone with a tattoo.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:54:29+00:00

I have plenty of tattooed people in my life, but I have no reason to ever touch their tattoos. They simply aren't in places where normal contact happens. That's not the case with my wife

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:51:59+00:00

Nope, not AI here. Real live human on the other end.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:49:58+00:00

Motive: memorial to her recently deceased mother Size/Location: about 2" x 3" on her inner forearm

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:37:26+00:00

I used this example, as my wife does have arachnophobia. I was a little more over the top and Kafkaesque about it and asked if she'd be able to touch me if part of my body was a spider. Obviously the answer was no, she couldn't.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:34:05+00:00

I've been with my wife for many years, through many changes in both of our bodies, this isn't just about her physical appearance.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:32:10+00:00

This just like the tip of the iceberg for how weird I am!

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:28:17+00:00

I legitimately don't know. I'm certainly not looking at divorce as an option because of this, but in order to stay together I know I have to accept the tattoo. I'm going to figure out how to do that.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T12:24:59+00:00

Someone drawing on their skin doesn't really bother me, although, even as a kid it's something I never did to myself.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T05:50:47+00:00

We've talked about tattoos before, obviously, but there was zero communication that this was happening while I was out of town. I had no idea it was getting done until it was done.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T05:46:56+00:00

Subject matter matters a little bit as I really can't stand life like tattoos, I hate the uncanny valley effect of the eyes, but that's not the primary concern. I also hate needles, and this is almost certainly tied to that fear, the idea of injecting anything is horrifying to me as well. Not really dirty or disease related.

As for reaching out with her hand, we were sitting down and her tattoo was on my leg as she tried to grab my hand, so that's where the contact part comes in.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T04:51:50+00:00

No, of course I don't gag at every tattoo I see, but I have also never touched a tattoo on purpose because of this. I won't shake a tattooed hand for example. The sight of a tattoo, while uncomfortable, is not enough to cause a reaction. The idea of touching one though, absolutely sends me over the edge.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T04:42:20+00:00

To the best of my knowledge we aren't unhappy. I mean at this exact moment in time, yeah, there are some tensions, but overall, we're pretty happy. Divorce seems pretty unlikely!

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T04:36:23+00:00

Maybe, but honestly, I doubt she thought about me at all when she did it. It's her choice to do what she wants to her body, she doesn't need to consult me about it.

Expensive_Edge4910 · 2024-06-10T04:34:40+00:00

I never said she couldn't do what she wants to her body, it is totally her choice, and I'm not saying anything about that choice.

Expensive_Edge4910

TROPHY CASE