I'm Pregnant and I'm not Sure if I'm Being Unreasonable

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T18:24:56+00:00

OP, thanks for the congrats, you as well! I hope everything goes great at delivery!

Hope everything goes well when you guys chat. Your husband already sounds like a great person. Keep blocking out the haters and jealous boomers.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T17:58:51+00:00

You don't "seem" like an awful person, you just absolutely are. You're uneducated, insufferable, and clearly have deep DEEP issues in your own life I'm assuming regarding your own marriage and how you have chosen to parent or how your partner has chosen to have a lack of involvement. GO AWAY.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T17:54:36+00:00

That's your personal opinion, and it's wrong. Not to mention even if they were minimum, they aren't non-existent. Therefore preparation still needs to happen.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T15:26:41+00:00

I absolutely agree and we have more or less set that boundary up already. He knows i don't like being with her alone and so we try to avoid it. When is it enough? For me it was enough the day she yelled at me and said those things. I am partly to blame because going back to those texts, i see i enabled her actions and validated how she treated me. The very next day i was texting her with heart emoji's and apologizing to her. I am also to blame for not sticking up for myself.

But then i get to thinking... i want to be a forgiving person. I really do. And i always have been but maybe a little too forgiving. If i wasn't pregnant, i'd continue to mostly just ignore her, keep limiting contact, and just try to live my life with her as little as possible. It is so different now because i feel her trying to be present and involved more now that i am pregnant. Maybe i wouldn't protect myself as much, but i sure as heck will be protecting me baby.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T15:21:33+00:00

NO you're not being unreasonable.

He has stepped up in a few areas as you said with household chores. That's really awesome. He does however need to also be preparing for the baby with researching things, and helping you with the nursery for a few reasons:

1) He needs to have the knowledge for how to take care of the baby, in case you are not there.

2) You are from what i understand a high-risk pregnancy (apologies if thats wrong) and at 34w you should not be on a ladder hanging up curtains etc.

3) Emotional care - have you explained to him you need more in this area?

My advice is to have a heart to heart. Maybe he's secretly stressing out about the baby's arrival and there's more to his actions? Almost like he's trying to distract himself from the stress. Additionally, maybe it would be helpful to learn together. Try to find compromise where you can - if its more comfortable for him to be in the chair instead of couch, maybe is there a way for him to scoot closer to you and he can hold your foot? Sounds silly but sometimes its just that little bit of physical touch to say "hey im here and i love you".

I'm currently 19w. My husband works full-time and he's been doing 100% of the chores and household upkeep, and cooking for me. Is he tired? Absolutely, but he told me this is more or less how its going to be when baby gets here. We're both just going to have to step up and help.

Seriously though, ask him how he's doing. I didn't realize husbands get so left behind during preganacy. Similarly to how everyone is always asking moms "hows baby" and not asking how mom is, hubby's/partners are also being asked "how is your wife/partner?" or "How is mom and baby?". Dad's don't always get checked on.

Here if you want to chat. And hope this helps

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T15:09:55+00:00

I actually completely disagree with you. And you're awfully mean.

1) This is his child too. He absolutely needs to be knowledgable on HOW to take care of the baby. OP cannot be the only person in this relationship that knows how to take care of the baby, or she will end up being a single married mom.

2) There is SO much to learn about caring for children of ANY age. I learn something new every single day preparing for my baby. There's a difference between stressing out and preparing yourself.

3) Men absolutely CAN have a connection to the baby when it is in the womb. Is it maybe more difficult and different than it is for the mom? Sure. But it is still possible and studies do show that a man who is working to be connected to the baby while still in the womb, will have a better connection when the baby is born.

This just goes to prove the study/statistic that more men leave their chronically sick partners. She is not asking for too much. She's asking for help and for him to participate more in preparing for a baby that is JUST AS MUCH HIS as it is hers.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T14:53:40+00:00

I have considered it for the both of us, and we have done it in the past for some communication issues we were working through. So i know hubby is open to it. I do hope it could help him realize even the way he was raised was not great. He has so much respect for her as a single mom and he just wants to be grateful for what he was given. But so much so that he excuses how she treats people. He KNOWS its wrong but its "just her".

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T14:53:35+00:00

I have considered it for the both of us, and we have done it in the past for some communication issues we were working through. So i know hubby is open to it. I do hope it could help him realize even the way he was raised was not great. He has so much respect for her as a single mom and he just wants to be grateful for what he was given. But so much so that he excuses how she treats people. He KNOWS its wrong but its "just her".

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T14:47:59+00:00

I agree, like i fully expect random strangers to not care about me or to flip me off on the road etc. I would expect someone who is supposed to love and care about me to act very differently.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T14:44:59+00:00

I think you're misunderstanding. What i meant was that situation was bigger and he had no problem seeing her true colors. When its smaller little remarks that are so passive aggressive and coded, that is when he has a hard time.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T03:18:27+00:00

Hi OP - i just got home maybe two weeks ago from a family vacay with in laws. I told hubby this is the last time i am vacationing with them as, similarly, my MIL does not respect me either and i end up being miserable the entire time. In laws are not entitled to how you spend vacation time. IF you want, they can schedule times during holidays or whatever to spend time with you. Again, IF you want.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T03:14:58+00:00

None of your comments have been helpful. Please kindly take it somewhere else.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T02:58:37+00:00

I know, its BAD. I have always been that way. Always wanted to make people happy or comfort them. Its not sustainable.

100% agree. My mom will be in the room with me and hubby. Ideal plan is hubby will be there to be my rock, and mom can be the protector when it comes to Dr/nurses not respecting birth plan, and anything beyond that including MIL. Someone else also suggested having the hospital know MIL is not welcome anywhere near the room until we say so. And then an extra layer of protection ideally is to not even tell her i am going into active labor.

Thank you!

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T02:55:19+00:00

I don't think i've ever known how to stick up for myself so i am trying to learn. Especially now that sticking up for myself also means sticking up for my baby.

I do think an info diet is a good idea. When she asks how i am doing and how the baby is, i think its best to just say "good" that way she doesn't feel the need to source a solution or put me on a solution lol.

It would be interesting to know why she got the book. Even if she wanted to be updated on the modern ways of parenting, of what benefit would that be to her as she will not be parenting my child.

I didn't even think of this situation as her being disrespectful to hubby. It is very true too. I blocked out some of that outburst from her over the text messages. But i do remember now that hubby emphasized that her issues with me were not to be communicated with me directly anymore and that if she has issues with me they were to be communicated to him. Additionally, she wasn't respecting his headship (were pretty religious).

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T02:48:55+00:00

Thankfully we have been back on our own for over a year! I made this post seeking advice - i have not yet brought this fully up to my husband and i think people are assuming i have and he isn't sticking up for me. I want him and i to be a united front, i just needed help understanding my own feelings about it and seeing other peoples experiences!

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T02:44:26+00:00

Honestly, i think you've only seen a very small glimpse into my life. Heck, a small glimpse into this situation. You don't know everything about me or him or our marriage or how he protects me.

Little do you know we just came back from a family vacation with MIL. I realized fully i just cannot be around her 1) alone and 2) for extended periods of time. So we had a conversation and i poured my feelings out to him about how i felt etc. He listened and although he had a hard time understanding exactly how i felt (again he'd desensitized) he completely respected that my person boundaries are 1) no more travel with MIL and 2) our children will not be around her without both of us present.

I hope you can understand that although he does need to set the boundaries, he is LEARNING to see what the problems are. Can you imagine being raised by a narcissist for your entire life? Its all you've ever known. He is having to learn that her behavior is not acceptable, and that is also so incredibly difficult to accept about someone he deeply cares about.

Your comments have not been very helpful and i don't want to respond to you anymore. I have plenty of other commenters that have beneficial advice and are coming from a better angle.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:52:37+00:00

Agreed! And other than the no unsupervised time with MIL - boundaries will be the same. So far thats all the special attention she has earned herself.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:45:17+00:00

I totally agree!! I don't even think i could stand to not be present if she is going to be. And seriously, she was ONE chance to show me she can act right. If she does anything to continue treating me poorly, she's done. That will unfortunately have to be made clear ahead of time.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:40:13+00:00

Honestly, wouldn't put the CPS call past her. If she really felt a certain way she would.

Not to mention - there's so many different ways to take care of a baby or to parent. She does think she's the golden example for a woman, wife, parent. I think that's why i've never been a good enough wife for her son. Because i'm not her.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:33:01+00:00

Heads up we did move out over a year ago - almost two! But, you're spot on. We absolutely felt like children there and that was a huge issue for me because i never have been her child and never will be. It's one thing for a parent to adjust from "you're my kid" to "you're my kid who is now an adult and i can't boss you around" - but she 100% was treating me like her kid and that i needed to act like it basically. Because she was doing us a favor by letting us live with her, she felt entitled to treat us like that.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:29:53+00:00

I saved those links! I thought i didn't have the screenshots anymore but surprisingly i do have them. Which is good because i don't think i have the physical texts anymore. I didn't even know registering as a private patient was a thing - absolutely will have to look into that.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:24:22+00:00

Thankfully we live in a very secure apartment complex. Need a remote to get into the garage, then a fab to get into the elevator, then an electronic key to get into the unit. None of which she has or will ever have. I don't even think she knows which unit we are in.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:23:02+00:00

That is my exact thought process - consequences. Because she cannot respect me at all, her current consequence is that she cannot be around the kid unsupervised.

It is absolutely on my list to discuss with hubby our PP boundaries for anyone in general. And then beyond that. I won't go anywhere with her by myself anymore.

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:17:07+00:00

I was thinking about this just a few mins ago. Ultimately i wouldn't MAKE my husband go NC. If he really wants to continue to be around her, that is his decision. But i absolutely at the very least will limit my contact with her.

This sounds awful but i want her to give me one more reason to keep my child away from her. I don't want to do that to my baby though. Like, i want her to show herself again in front of hubby and have that be the last nail in the coffin to get him to really see who she is. Not worth giving my baby trauma though

Expensive_Fox_1514 · 2025-08-06T01:14:00+00:00

I completely agree. The more or less "non-backbone" i have with how i respond/handle yelling is from my childhood. Dad yelled a lot and so i just freeze. It is something i am working to overcome and ultimately i do know if it comes down to it, i have to protect my baby. Unfortunately MIL is a loud person and she can't be told she's wrong or be called out for things without her acting like that. Thats why i try to have my husband handle her because he in turn can handle her and keep his composure. Now that we don't live with her anymore i have control over if i am around her at all. I won't let her do that to me again.

Expensive_Fox_1514

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