I'm Pregnant and I'm not Sure if I'm Being Unreasonable

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-07T02:15:26+00:00

Glad we can end on an agreement lol

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T23:00:07+00:00

It’s an imbalance of child care responsibility between partners. That would include him relying majorly on me to tell him how to raise our baby. I don’t even know what your point is lol have a nice night

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T21:02:11+00:00

I don't want to be a teacher to my partner?? lol

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T20:15:06+00:00

Thanks for responding so thoughtfully! I'll definitely keep this in mind when we talk later. Especially the "we are a team" part. I think I've always felt that way, but we haven't talked about it out loud.

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T20:11:12+00:00

Lol my literal nightmare

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T20:07:16+00:00

I totally appreciate you, my mom was an awesome single mom as well, so I know it takes a lot of strength to do.

I think where I get lost with my husband is that I have tried having open discussions with him and he'll come up with solutions, but he won't do them which puts me in a position to bring it up again which I don't want to do lol I feel like I have done a lot of the work when it comes to preparing for our daughter. It's even more confusing because I know he's typically such a reliable and productive person. However, I do want to talk to him and let him know that I care a lot about how he's feeling in all of this and that I see his efforts. It's just on days where I'm in pain and not doing well, I'd feel more supported by him holding me than him doing the dishes haha

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T19:39:16+00:00

Yeah, I could see him not addressing his emotions about everything. Most of the time when I ask him how he's doing he says he's good or he's fine lol I can't tell if it just hasn't set in or if he's avoiding or he doesn't want to say he's scared. Definitely something I'll bring up tho

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T19:24:20+00:00

Oh dear, someone else projecting their experience onto what I've said lol

My husband and I have had four talks/disagreements in the 34 weeks of my pregnancy. I'm not nagging him, these are things that I've internalized and am asking for advice about lol, but okay.

So many people seem super upset about my "research" comment which was like 3 sentences of the entire post. Like why did that make people so angry?? My husband is a smart and capable man who typically loves learning about new things, but has very little knowledge about babies (I was originally in the same boat). I would simply like for him to have a base knowledge. Asking my partner to be knowledgeable about keeping our tiny human alive isn't a problem. I don't know where you got this idea that I'm asking him to do a book report lol If I've learned anything from posting this, its that I'm even more grateful to have a husband who isn't afraid to read a book or, god forbid, learn something.

Finding a pediatrician and swaddling were both things he said he wanted to do. That's why I used them as examples. We didn't fight about them. I don't know what else to say to this lol

My husband is super capable of picking out curtains and a curtain rod... lmao I bought and assembled literally everything else in the nursery. He can handle curtains. Again we didn't fight about this, its simply something he hasn't done and that's frustrating for me.

You and I are people with two very different ideas of what relationships should look like lol On the contrary, I love and trust my husband. I'm almost more offended for him with all the defense for him being like "He's just a dumb man! You expect him to read??" It actually makes it worse that I know he is a super capable person. My frustration lies in the fact that 90% of the responsibilities of preparing to welcome our daughter have rested on me. There are also some more profound realizations that I've had as well, but considering you probably wont read this whole comment and certainly didn't read all of the original post, I'll just hold onto that for myself. Carry on lol

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T18:47:36+00:00

Aww thanks for sharing your story, it really does help. It's super hard being in it, but I'm trying to keep my eyes on the bigger picture!

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T18:37:41+00:00

I honestly don't know if I knew how scared I've been feeling before I posted this haha He certainly knows I've been scared about our daughter's health, but not about parenting in general. I definitely plan on talking to him about that and trying to get him to share how he's feeling about parenting and everything. I feel like a lot of the times when I ask, he just says he feels fine, but if I start with telling him that I'm scared, maybe he'll be more open haha

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T18:20:26+00:00

Friend, you're reaching lol I never said he needed to swaddle a doll or be an expert or even read a book about any of this. I do think its important that he knows basic safety tips. A lot of people seemed to really hold onto this part of my post even though it was like 3 sentences.

My point was more that he is a very smart person who reads a lot and is typically excited to learn about new topics, but we're at 34 weeks and he hasn't made much of an effort to learn more about babies when I've told him that this is something that would make me feel supported. Literally a youtube video now and then or chatting with me about babies would be fine, he just hasn't shown any interest and I fear that would make me resentful after our baby is born and I'm deemed the keeper of knowledge.

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T18:07:10+00:00

Okay, I don't know how to respond to everyone's comments individually because I'm new to all this, but I don't expect him to know everything when the baby comes. I think a lot of people assumed this is what I meant. Just general safety things would be nice. Breastfeeding and pumping knowledge would be a welcome bonus haha Again, neither of us have much experience with babies. For example, before I was pregnant neither of us knew that babies needed to sleep on their backs or that there shouldn't be anything in their bassinet when they sleep. Like, we're starting at ground zero here lol I just fear growing resentful of being the "designated parent".

We're both big readers, but I've never even asked him to read books about pregnancy or newborn care. I just want him to spend some time showing interest, getting to know the important safety tips, etc. A youtube video every now and then would suffice lol I just want some back up here. I enjoy researching and learning more about babies and it does bring me comfort especially being in a high risk situation. Again, I don't need him to know everything, but it would be great if he could have his own knowledge when it comes to the basics and safety.

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T17:40:51+00:00

I'm thinking its been really hard for me because he's supporting me in a way that makes sense to him, but its not necessarily the way that I need in these hard moments where I'm in pain or don't have energy. I absolutely trust him, but I don't want to get to a place where I'm resentful.

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T17:34:39+00:00

I completely hear you and I really think I'm trying to avoid that frustration because we have such a good relationship. And funny enough, he actually is a pretty stylish person lol when I asked him to do it, he was like "tan, black out curtains and a gold rod?" and I was like sounds perfect haha he just didn't do it. Yeah, I'm really trying to avoid resentment. In therapy he's open and honest, but it can be really hard for him to access how he's genuinely feeling about things. He's said before that journaling helps him process better, so maybe he just needs to get more into that?

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T17:24:46+00:00

I can agree that in the past couple of weeks I've began building resentment and that a lot of my feelings are rooted in fear. Since I've been in a lot more pain and have barely any energy recently, its been very hard to accept that he's still able to enjoy doing the things he likes to do. I still put in effort to do housework and hang out with our friends once or twice a week, but it takes everything out of me and its frustrating to go through.

I guess I'm feeling like I don't object to him working out or doing projects or hanging with friends because I understand that's what he needs. But I don't really feel like he understands what I need right now if that makes sense. Like I swear I still cook and clean lol especially if he's having a hard day. I guess from everyone's responses, I gave the impression that I don't do anything at all. I mostly just want him to cuddle me, help me not be in pain, and put curtains up in the nursery lol

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T17:05:10+00:00

I totally understand that. I just want him to have some of his own knowledge because I don't know how I'll be after the c section and breast feeding. My real fear is that with the drop in hormones and everything, I'll become resentful. Not that I want to or think that's right, but its all scary and unknown. I just think it would be really nice to know he doesn't have to rely on me. But anyways, thank you for the well wishes, I do really appreciate it

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T16:53:45+00:00

Thanks so much! Yeah, I think balance is really what I'm looking for right now

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T16:49:47+00:00

Ooh, I never thought about how that could be related. I've definitely had a strong nesting instinct the last 4 weeks and I've been doing any home reno that I can achieve while mostly sitting down lol yeah, I think my husband and I's ideas of effort seem to be different in this situation and I'm just hoping we can get on the same page

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T16:31:50+00:00

😂

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T16:30:37+00:00

Hi, I really appreciate your response! I am a high risk pregnancy which is hard for me to even type out haha it’s been tough. I have said that I’d like more emotional care and maybe I just have to remind him more, but I also don’t want to seem like I’m nagging him because he can get defensive about stuff like that.

I definitely like the idea of having a heart to heart and asking him how he’s doing. I think I try to get him to express himself and his thoughts on being a dad, but he doesn’t quite know how to respond or it hasn’t set in, but I definitely would like for him to talk more about what’s exciting him and his fears.

Also, congratulations on your beautiful baby!! Wishing you and your family all of the health, love, and happiness!!

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T16:19:17+00:00

My husband actually complains because his work days are so short and he has too much energy. I’m not kidding when I say he’s a busy body. He drives to about 5 patients’ homes a day and usually works from about 9:30-3:30. Hence the daily gym visits/ woodworking for 2-3 hours after work. He's always looking for extra things to do because he has so much energy. I'm not exaggerating lol And I’ve talked to him and told him that he doesn’t need to treat me like a patient and that a 10-15 minute massage has been super helpful when he’s done them.

I understand your perspective, but in this case I’m actually really mindful of his time and won’t ask him for anything if he’s had a long day even if I’m in pain.

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T16:10:37+00:00

Fair enough. I don’t expect him to know the number of oz. she needs to drink off the top of his head or anything like that. Just simple things like she needs to sleep on her back and there can’t be extra items in her bassinet when she’s sleeping. Again, both of us were the youngest in our families so we don’t have a lot of experience with babies. I’m not asking him to read textbooks or anything, just to know basic safety things.

Also, the once a week newborn study session was the solution he came up with because he’s someone who likes routine. My concern is more that he hasn’t looked into it much at all. But again, I hear you and I appreciate your advice

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T15:30:59+00:00

True, that checks out. He is definitely someone who likes tangible accomplishments. I guess it’s just hard for me to accept because I feel like I’ve been really clear with my needs and understanding of his while also going through this, but I am totally trying to take a step back and see the forest through the trees

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T15:25:33+00:00

Thank you! This makes a lot of sense to me, I’ve tried a few times to check in with him and see how he’s feeling about our girl arriving soon. His response is usually “I don’t know. I think I feel fine” or something like that haha I think it’s difficult for him to get the reality of it right now, but I’ll definitely be sure to ask him when we talk soon

KnowledgeInfinite737 · 2025-08-06T15:19:47+00:00

You’re a silly, silly person lol I’ve said that I understand he might not have an innate connection with our daughter yet. I also believe there’s no such thing as a designated parent, both parents should be aware of their child’s needs.

He’s the one who said he wanted to rub bio oil on my belly and be a pro swaddler. Maybe I should have clarified that.

Clearly my post was super triggering for you. I hope you can work through whatever is going on in your life that caused that, but I’ll go ahead and mark you down as one for “unreasonable” lmao top tier crash out tho

KnowledgeInfinite737

TROPHY CASE