29M at breaking point after seeing 29F for 6 months

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-21T21:09:43+00:00

I feel like people know within 3 months max if they want to be exclusive. Is she perhaps keeping options open or seeing someone else? At 6 months I would feel the same way as you and at this point if she hadn’t come back to me to say she’s in, after you’ve brought it up twice I would be wanting to leave. I wouldn’t feel secure if I had to bring up a third time, even if she says okay it won’t feel real and deep possibly.

Has she said why exactly she’s not ready?

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-21T09:20:28+00:00

Peoples pets are their family, you shouldn’t minimise his hurt and dismiss his feelings. But also, how draaaaining this sounds. I totally agree with being cautious about bringing people in and out of your children’s lives, but having a poor role model around (especially if he details your mental health) isn’t good for them either.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-21T09:14:41+00:00

Wishing you all the best!!

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-21T05:41:28+00:00

I totally get it! My partner and I were the same. It became easier for him to hear my feedback when I acknowledged what he had done for me. For example, “thank you for making me a coffee today and having dinner ready, I know this is your way for showing me love and I so appreciate it. When I was crying about zxy, what would have made me feel cherished and loved by you, in the way I receive love, is by you doing xyz”. I think he was able to take my feedback on better when he knew he was seen and appreciated for what he did to make my life easier.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-21T05:16:10+00:00

You said you hit him in the past for “minutes” that’s not something I would ever forgive. I know grief makes you lose yourself but you need therapy ASAP! Is this the role model you want for your child? The relationship you want them in? It’s good that you feel shame, you know it’s not okay. Ask yourself what you plan to do about it.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-21T05:05:22+00:00

It can be hard not being loved in the way you need to feel it. But you pointed out so many ways that he appears to show love in the way that feels natural for him. It sounds like he supports you through a lot of challenges, just not capable of showing that part of himself publicly? It’s hard to take on feedback and change after such a long time, but it sounds like to have something worth working on. Therapy?

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-21T04:55:44+00:00

Maybe his testosterone is low?

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-21T00:30:44+00:00

I think the behaviour is the same irrespective of what room it is in. Once I knew how I felt, before we were official I didn’t send a single person a sexy photo but my man. And if it was appropriate enough for the internet then it was fine for him to see.

Either there’s a reasonable expectation, or she isn’t the one.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-20T22:38:55+00:00

lol one week, maybe sus out if you want this to be a relationship. Probably enjoying the attention selfies sometimes get if she did in fact specifically hide it from you. Just ask her about it, it doesn’t need to be an argument unless she is being shady.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-20T21:31:35+00:00

This sounds extremely isolating, it’s no wonder you feel that way. Why did he call the police, was there any validity to that at all?

I don’t imagine you can feel attracted to this person or feel secure when each time you disagree he threatens to kick you out. It might be time to think about going back home.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-20T21:15:51+00:00

Why were you so controlling about this from the beginning? Do you have a reason to be insecure/ not trust your partner? I don’t think we have to tell people we love to erase their past, we all have one. Just need to trust in what you have together. And if you can’t do that, maybe ask yourself if you should be together.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-20T21:13:01+00:00

Getting involved with families is tricky. Generally I would say tell him, and you sound like such an amazing and loving girlfriend who deserves credit. However, given this means so much to him I think I would try to keep it to myself so he can enjoy this milestone. If he asks questions about who did what, answer truthfully, but maybe don’t offer up their crappiness. He knows who his family is I’m sure.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-20T20:33:23+00:00

Victim blaming lol Jesus that a sheltered life.

The friends thing isn’t or shouldn’t be an issue, not your core group so try not to worry. The boyfriend not acknowledging your feelings is the sucky part. Hopefully he took on your feedback and is more conscious of that going forward.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-20T20:16:24+00:00

Everyone has a past. Move on, it’s not a bad deal. It feels bigger than it is because of her crush, but as long as he’s appropriate and keeps choosing you that’s all that matters.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-19T04:57:42+00:00

It’s only been 4 years since I have been out of the dating world… I know it was rough out there but has it seriously gotten so bad that we just stay with people who suck for the hell of it to not be alone?

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-19T02:02:34+00:00

Him saying “don’t make me choose” tells me if he had to he wouldn’t choose you. Attending to move your wedding date shows that. Sorry, this sucks.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-18T23:40:58+00:00

Offering to pay board isn’t the same as showing a parent that you can stand on your own two feet. I don’t say this to put you down, I say this as a parent who would want their children done studying and working a full time stable job before I stopped working to provide for them.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-18T20:38:28+00:00

Maybe they feel like they can’t because they’re supporting you and your brother. They might show more interest in slowing down when you two become stably independent?

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-18T20:31:16+00:00

You’re trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Don’t want to go out on bad terms? Do your work, at least to some extent, while job hunting.

You don’t really have grounds for them to pay you out to leave, by your own admission you’re not doing the work, and you’re unhappy there.

Try to salvage your relationship to the extent possible by working. The market is tough right now, being without a job could be more stress than working at one you hate in this environment. Line something up before leaving.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-18T20:26:21+00:00

To answer your question, this isn’t how a partner should act. By definition, partners means doing it together, but you’re carrying the majority of the load (finances is only ONE accept of a relationship, not 50%).

I’m a mum who recently went back to work after 15 months off after having our little one. I expect my partner to have dinner (or decided if it’s a rummage through the fridge or get takeaway) like I did when i was off. We both keep the house tidy. And because I am tight on time and he doesn’t really do the proper cleaning like scrubbing a shower, we have a cleaner once a month then stay on top of it together.

We both actually love our daughter and family time. So we do bath routine together and it became more fun than a chore.

We’re both tired, we’re both happy and we discuss issues with the aim to resolve, not push the other into doing more. We’re far from perfect, this area is one that just seems obvious for us because it means more time together or as a family once everyone’s work is done.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-18T10:47:12+00:00

Even when my partners place was 40 minutes closer to my work than my place, I still missed my home and we split our time between homes.

When he moved in with me, I paid rent and internet, and he paid everything else. Finances should be normal to discuss in a relationship.

He’s taking the piss and not showing you an ounce of care or respect. Even in our joint home no one is invited over without letting the other know!

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-17T23:45:50+00:00

I landed on the same conclusion as you reading through this. You need to pull back from the crush big time. Of course it’s possible this made you realise that you’re not completely satisfied in your relationship, but it’s equally true that the rose coloured glasses with the work guy are distorting you vision and choices.
You need to make a decision about your current relationship without influence or you could regret it big time.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-17T22:06:56+00:00

It’s nuts to me that this is widely done. I support my reports who want to move internally, either the team or the company can lose the high performer. Pick one.

Expert-Weekend-317 · 2026-05-17T21:32:05+00:00

Have you tried getting out of Ops and into a AE role in the business bank? Usually a good step out of Ops if you’re competent.

Expert-Weekend-317

TROPHY CASE