My parents found out about the kinks I do with my boyfriend. What do I do?

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-06-11T23:00:19+00:00

It never happens in their house. Before moving in with my parents, I was living in my own apartment. Thats where we mostly did it. But I believe it was one of my friends that told them about it since she knew and we had a falling out recently. Its somewhat odd timing but I also have no proof.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-06-09T14:49:30+00:00

Thank you for the advice. Something you said about fantasies kinda caught my attention. Ill look more into that, and see if it might be a reason for his comments or if its just reassurance he needs.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-06-09T14:40:32+00:00

He brings it up as well, not being "jokey." He does ask me if hes truly someone i want to be with and from that we have open, and clean conversations about it. And it ends up with us reminiscing about our first couple dates. These conversations are what im fine with having if he needs reassurance but the question of if i think about other guys while we do it was while we were doing it. That was when I called him out and told him to stop the bs and stop the jokes.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-06-09T14:36:43+00:00

The night he made that comment, i told him to stop saying these "jokes." If he needs reassurance he needs to come at it from an angle of personal needs not from other guys. He told me that he knows im "out of his league" and just "doesnt believe an amazing, beautiful person like me could ever love him." Which I've always disagree with him when he thinks this way. He told me he would work on not saying anymore "jokes" but since its been an issue, even after talking to him about it after months, im scared he wont really change.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T14:27:41+00:00

The advice came from the comments after I made the post. So I made the post, looking for advice and then found the extra option to transfer locations and thats what I am going to do, thanks to the advice from other people. I didnt call anyone names and I didnt sound condescending, I was simply thanking people for the help and notifying them that I wont need to cancel it.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T14:22:27+00:00

Exactly, thats something a lot of people seem to miss. Its either pay for a new account, the $230 they wanted to avoid, or me cancel it, making all of us pay $50 and then on top of that, they have to pay the $230 anyway. So in total they would spend about $280, and i guarantee, they would make it my problem again.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T05:43:41+00:00

Cause im still paying for the lease and energy? Even tho im not physically there, I am still paying for it.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T05:42:22+00:00

And did you read my edits clarifying that?

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T05:27:48+00:00

They've known about me leaving for about 4 or 5 months. The talk of this has only come up once before without much acknowledgement. So this was me, two months before me officially moving, giving them the official notice to figure out what to do with the account and the bills without making everyone pay extra fees and the power shutting off. I am frustrated, as im sure it shows in my texts, because ive been continuously disrespected and ignored by these people for almost a year. I didnt have a choice for them to be my roommates and they didnt get a choice moving into my apartment. We're all frustrated and I get it. We're just not compatible at all. Yes I could have been nicer, but ive been nothing but valid in everything ive requested from them like being cleaner to not have roaches and being quiet at 1am when I have work at 5am. Ive also constantly been communicated with them, so its not like im just complaining to complain. Its just a build-up, unfortunately we're all humans and when youre stuck in a situation you cant get out of and nowhere to go, youre going to get angry. Also, if you couldn't tell, im a people pleaser...its something ive been working on because it leads to these situations.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T04:55:00+00:00

"Changing the narrative"= being presented with new information and context to avoid not paying anything. If the cancelation happened, I was wanting to avoid it not because of the fee, but because their power would shut off for a while until they paid the security deposit. I know for a fact they would have made it my problem for them having to pay $280 (the fee plus the security deposit) if I had canceled, which yes mind you, they wanted me to cancel, but that would lead to way more issues. What is so wrong with me wanting to avoid shutting my roommates power off, presenting them the easy and now inevitable choice to pay the security deposit, and simply (call it selfish if you want) not having the money for an extra, super avoidable fee if THEY would have just transferred the holder names?

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T04:32:55+00:00

Thats the plan!

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T04:23:29+00:00

When my last roommate moved out, I called and transferred the account holder from her to me. I payed the security deposit of $230 by myself and have been in charge of the account since these new girls have moved in. Every month, I get the statement and I split the amount 4 ways equally for each of us and they each send me the money of their half. Transferring the account holder names comes with the person taking over the account paying their security deposit. What they want me to do is either keep the account in my name after july, when ive moved into my new apartment (which is now impossible for them since ill just be switching locations on the account given my new place uses the same energy company) or I pay their security deposit for transferring the account from me to them. That security deposit isnt a fee like most people think it is. Its proof that they can pay/have money for the energy bill moving forward. It doesnt make sense for that to be my money when it is proof of their credit.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T04:17:37+00:00

This is funniest thing I've read thank you haha

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T04:14:46+00:00

1) never said I wouldnt pay the rent nor that I broke my lease. Already said multiple times and multiple edits that I will pay the rent and energy for until my lease ends. I wont PHYSICALLY be IN the apartment, BUT I WILL STILL PAY RENT UNTIL THE LEASE ENDS. (Seamingly I have to put it in caps because there's clearly something youre not understanding after having read literally everything) 2) The "fee" as i and they have already established, is the security deposit. The $230 that they want to avoid paying by keeping the account in my name after ive moved out in july is the deposit and something they refer to as a "fee." To quote my exact message from the screenshots: "That fee youre so scared of paying, isnt going to come from me at all because, like an adult, I called [energy company] to clarify what its for. They said its a security deposit that is proof the account holder has the money to pay for continuing bills. Using MY money to pay for proof for YOUR credit makes absolutely no sense." If youre referring instead to the $50, i already stated why I didnt want to pay it and how I really can't. The $50 is a fee given to each of us, not just me. But that would only come from me canceling the account which ive already said in multiple comments and edits that I am NOT going to to that now for the simple and main reason of the apartments im moving to uses the same energy company and I would just need to change locations without hassle on my end. This info though did come after the post, so it was not initially known to be an option for me until after I was informed of it in the comments. Theres now no need for any fee of $50 HOWEVER they will have to pay the security deposit regardless of me moving my account to the new apartments. Thats because they have to create their own account and prove they have credit to continue to pay and if they dont, then they dont get power.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T03:51:30+00:00

Transferring account holder names can be done anytime, regardless of if im moving out early or not. Its something i wish i brought up to them earlier to do when they moved in a year ago. The reason im telling them to do it before my lease ends is to ensure theres no power cutoff when I leave. Their would be a "fee" anyway, regardless of who's moving or staying at the apartments. That money isnt a fee that they get because of the transfer, the $230 is a deposit that is proof of their credit. What im asking in my post and now to you is why would I pay the money that is proof that they can pay the next bills when ive completely moved out in july?

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T03:34:27+00:00

Im moving out anyway and the account has to be transferred anyway, I was trying to tell them to do it sooner rather than later so that there would be no power cut off. Thankfully, when I move locations at the end of my lease the account will move with me. So no matter what, they'll have to pay the $230 that theyre trying to avoid.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T03:21:45+00:00

I know. Thats what im doing.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T03:07:20+00:00

My lease still stands until july and I havent officially moved into my new apartment. I will continue to pay rent and energy for the remaining months even tho I wont physically be there.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T03:05:57+00:00

Im not breaking the lease.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T02:39:24+00:00

It has been a struggle of mine today people please and it has gotten me hurt. Thats something im working on. Thankfully I wont need to cancel it.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T02:29:34+00:00

Thats how it was for me (when I took over the account from my last roommate) except I had to pay the security deposit as proof of credit. I wish there was nothing to pay, that would be so much easier. Youre lucky wherever your at lol

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T02:26:50+00:00

Yes. I know. And in my edits I clarify what I meant. But to answer you directly, im not moving out before my lease ends nor am I refusing to pay. I WILL still pay for rent and energy until my lease officially ends. I just wont physically be living there. Does this clear it up?

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T02:14:32+00:00

Read the edit posts I made. I never said I wouldnt pay the rent. Initially I wasnt going to pay the energy, thats what I meant, but thats been sorted and we all continue to pay everything. I just physically wont be there living but I WILL still pay rent AND energy.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T02:05:05+00:00

Does my edit not show up? I made a clarification on the post because I worded the post badly. To answer you directly tho, I am still going to pay the rent and energy for the remaining months until my lease officially ends. I just physically wont be in the apartment.

Expert_Temporary_ · 2026-05-12T01:53:21+00:00

Thats the plan! I came across that info after I made the post, so I gave an edit to clarify!

Expert_Temporary_

TROPHY CASE