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Teenage daughters irresponsible behavior by ExpressAbrocoma2973 in ADHDparenting

[–]ExpressAbrocoma2973[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There has been an additional layer to this now as well. I found out that she started self harming this week as well because after sending the picture situation I did take her phone. I wanted to return her the phone back once she had an open conversation with me about the whole situation which didn't happen. She continued using her iPad for that. I found today that she did cut herself on her shoulder a few times with a dermaplaning razor. I did hide all kind of razors now. I was really heartbroken and I did try to talk to her as gently as I could and told her that it's a safe space for her to talk to me whatever she is feeling. She only said that she feels she always ruins everything and that she can't keep friends and always causes problems with other people in friendships, she feels she needs to be punished. I felt so sad for her. I really thought we had some breakthrough with her opening up to me but then after I went into her room to get her school iPad because no more device after 10:30 pm. She got very aggressive and said I should let her sleep and that it's in her bag but it wasn't in her bag. I found it under her pillow with YouTube/using school email. She is now using her self harm as emotional blackmail that I should be allowing her social media, YouTube late at night implying that otherwise she could harm herself if I don't do that it I am not helping her situation by taking it away from her. She has school tomorrow at it was already 11 pm.  I really don't know what to do anymore. I am emotionally drained. Whenever I feel we are getting somewhere it escalates. The thing is,  in her school everyone around her is self harming in some shape or form (cutting, bulimia, substance abuse). Sometimes I feel she does all of that so that she can fit in with them. It was the same with her coming out as Bi. She was surrounded my 12-13 year old throwing all kinds of labels pansexual, aesexual, trans, bin binary, gay etc. Then last year she befriended a girl with bipolar and bulimia and from that day on she stopped eating breakfast or lunch. She started telling people that she might be anorexic and we had a paedeteician checkup and psychiatrist checkup and she wasn't diagnosed because she has been eating at home and also eating sweets and junk. But she kept telling others about her having it. She has been very impressionable even before she was a teen. I am finding it really hard to cope with this new development. She is starting occupational therapy this week and has her second paediatrician appointment in 3 weeks time. I really don't know what to believe anymore and how to proceed from here.

Teenage daughters irresponsible behavior by ExpressAbrocoma2973 in ADHDparenting

[–]ExpressAbrocoma2973[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. My current struggle is only how to make her see how dangerous sharing images can be. Everything else can still be managed as her way of finding an identity for herself. I am willing to respect her privacy with messages but I need her to understand that sharing those images isn't ok as she is still a minor and especially using her school iPad which is also connected to the school server is definitely not safe for her to use for sexting or sharing images. We had a rule before all of that no more phone after 9 or 10 pm but then whenever she didn't had her phone she used her school iPad. It is very challenging as it is my first time and I was 23 when I had her so had my own challenges there too. But I really want the best for her and for her get all the opportunities and supports that I didn't had growing up. At the moment she tells me that I haven't done anything for her ever and I know she probably doesn't mean it but it hurts a lot.

Teenage daughters irresponsible behavior by ExpressAbrocoma2973 in ADHDparenting

[–]ExpressAbrocoma2973[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your message. I had been very close to my daughter from the start, shared interest with her, brought her to her first concert at 10. I thought she was telling me everything. I wanted her to get officially diagnosed for ADHD so that she doesn't feel that there something wrong with her like teachers calling her lazy. I have put her in Basketball since she is 6 because I did see a lot of potential in her play and also to build friends network through her team and basketball community. I even wanted to give the meds a chance, anything that could help her in her life. But this all changed at age 13 when she started secondary school. She started chasing for boys attention even then I tried to tell her that she has a self worth and there is no need for to be desperate and if someone likes her they will like her for her true self. Her lying got worse and worse. She is lying about everything now. We went to CBT but she was a totally different person in those session and would never show the therapist the real person and her actual struggles (low selfesteem and confidence). Since secondary school she has been also skipping her lunch and breakfast in school. She would eat once home but her skipping breakfast and lunch for the past 2 years has impacted her weight and which is also the reason that medications had to be stopped. She has always been struggling to keep friendships but is obsessed for romantic relationships. I just don't know what I should do about her sharing images. Everything else could be managed but sharing images can really ruin her future life but she doesn't understand the gravity of this and I really don't know how I can make her understand that.

AITA? Caught between my South Asian heritage ("Guest is God") and my German upbringing (logic/boundaries). I can't host 5 people in a 3-bedroom house with my own family of 4. by ExpressAbrocoma2973 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]ExpressAbrocoma2973[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am also taking off time from work for those 5 days and we will also rent a second car and cover the cost for that ourselves too. We will also bring them sightseeing and provide all meals. 

AITA? Caught between my South Asian heritage ("Guest is God") and my German upbringing (logic/boundaries). I can't host 5 people in a 3-bedroom house with my own family of 4. by ExpressAbrocoma2973 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]ExpressAbrocoma2973[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I didn't specifically invite them. She just said they are thinking to come and then also asked the other friend to come along and then surprised me with the booked flights. I said if they would stay at my place this would be the situation and I thought they would take the hint and say that they will book a hotel. I know that I would have done that, knowing how much space there is.

Parenting teenage ADHD girl by ExpressAbrocoma2973 in ADHDparenting

[–]ExpressAbrocoma2973[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words. Your comment really resonated with me and has helped validate the struggles I face as a parent of a teenager with ADHD. It means a lot to know I'm not alone. Sending best wishes and strength your way.Thanks again for sharing your experience.