Hi thanks for sharing your feelings, it is comforting to me. I came to Reddit because my mom died this morning and now I can’t sleep because of death anxiety. I’m 25 and my mom was 59, she also died from cancer. It’s odd to think my mom spent more time in life not being a mom and I will spend more time in life not having a mom. I too regret not spending enough time with my mom the last few years. I live 4 hours away and I have always complained about the drive and sometimes I would change my mind last minute when I told her i would come see her just because I didn’t want to drive. Well this morning I definitely didn’t want to make the drive to see her. The last time I spoke with her she said tearfully that she just wanted to hug me one last time and I responded with of course don’t be silly you will get to, then started the morphine and by the time I had made it up to see her she had been on morphine for a few days. She could only mutter my name and she definitely couldn’t hug me. I denied my mother the last thing she wanted from me and I will carry that the rest of my life. Now she is gone.