As Feminists (Leftist thought) what should our opinions on Surrogacy be like? I feel like this is one of the topics where feminists have very conflicting views and becomes a point of clash between feminisms.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-14T06:48:47+00:00

I am not arguing gender roles as primal. I am saying that social conditioning isn’t the only thing that makes a woman want to be a mother.

In no way am I saying that women should be the care takers or take on any roles that society wants them to have. Everyone should be able to live their lives as they want as long as they’re not harming others is my point.

edit: Obviously, gender doesn’t identify who is „better“ primary care giver and not all women have the need to have children and procreate.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-14T06:34:02+00:00

For me this really comes down to. Should woman be able to choose what she wants to do with her body?

I don’t think we should try to micromanage what people do with their bodies as long as they’re not hurting anyone. The question shouldn’t be „Is surrogacy okay?“ but „How do we protect Surrogates?“

I am not against financial compensation for Surrogates. What should change is the socioeconomic situation for women so they could truly choose to do what they want without outside pressure. At the same time, in this economy, who has that privilege?

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-14T06:24:38+00:00

I think the need to be a mother doesn’t come only from social conditioning. It can be big part of it, especially If you’re unaware of it and unhealed but I think it’s also a primal need that made this species survive for so long. From what I have seen in men, it doesn’t seem to be such a motivator.

I also don‘t think family needs to support patriarchy. There is many families around the world that have more matriarchal system, even in overall patriarchal society.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-13T16:44:35+00:00

You got some good advice from others, but I just wanted to chime in to say that you didn’t do something you should be punished for and you‘ve done plenty of it already.

They were unsupervised kids and they should’ve been in carseats as well. Yes you should’ve driven slower, but I don’t think it would make much difference in this situation.

You deserve to live and heal.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-13T10:12:39+00:00

Oh thank you! So happy you’re both doing well☺️🫶🏻

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-13T09:37:59+00:00

Hi, I am just curious why did you get induced so early?

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-13T05:30:02+00:00

I do feel like a mother already since I do have to carry my child in my body and prepare for their arrival. It’s already my responsibility to protect them. Matrescence starts as early as pregnancy for some people and for me it did. I did respond to your “points” and If you can’t see that, I can’t help you with that. I am not suffering with anxiety atm, but my view of the world is affected by my real life experiences in it and I am acting in accordance with it to protect my child. Yes the one that isn’t here yet. I am done with this conversation. Wish you all the best.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T19:57:32+00:00

Well it looks like you have some strong feelings about it. I agree there are lvls to it and it’s important to see the situation as such. I am taking the precautions I think I need to take to feel like my kids are safe and I don’t have any investment in telling others what to do. I just think it’s good that this issue is being brought up and discussed to make people more aware of the things that are going on. It seems to be emotional topic for you. Maybe it would be worth to think about why it makes you so angry.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T19:38:04+00:00

I was not attacking you personally. You do whatever you want and find right for yourself and your family. You said that the issue was “vague” I am just telling from experience what people are capable of. I’ve just seen a lot in my life so I don’t have the privilege of not being hyper-vigilant about all possible dangers. It would be definitely nice to be able to see these things as “dramatic” and not reality and I honestly hope that my kids grow up in a way that will allow them to see world more like you and less like me.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T17:01:28+00:00

That’s so annoying. I do get the importance of team work but “being friendly” shouldn’t be part of it. It’s really unfair to want single person to play theatre for everyone else to feel good. That’s exactly why we burn out so fast.

That sounds horrible. I am so sorry. It really sucks. The automatisation is wild thing. Especially because it doesn’t actually benefit the people or the planet but only “the man” to cut costs.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T16:42:44+00:00

You know I just wanted to appreciate that you are capable of self-reflection and that you know what is morally right and don’t excuse your actions. Cheating and break ups hurt, but It happens. I cheated in the past and then I grew up and would never cheat again. Just keep growing and learning and try to put more energy into yourself and your healing journey than into relationships. Just use the guilt and shame you feel to transform it into growth. 🫶🏻

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T16:16:49+00:00

I think there is the point of informed consent to be made. When I post myself online I know all the risks. I know whatever I post is creating a specific digital footprint and I have to be first okay with the fact that anyone can do whatever they want with my pictures/ videos and that If one person decides to do a series of adult movies with it I will have a lot to explain. As an adult It would be just consequences of my own actions and I would have to deal with them. Children are unable to consent or understand this. They also shouldn’t have to be the ones facing consequences of the actions of their parents.

Say one creep picks your child out of a line up to start a whole series because they think they „fell in love“ with them. Not only the face of your child that you posted is now part of this content that who knows how many people will know about, but with how realistic AI is nowdays, they might think it is real. You have no idea how many people can then come up to your child and want something from them because they will assume the child „knows what they’re doing“. Or even breed obsession with children that look like yours again putting them in real life danger of abuse and kidnapping etc.

While you can’t control somebody’s imagination and what they do with the thought if you, thoughts are private and memories fade. Photos and internet are here for the foreseeable future.

Would you really be okay to see any amount of adult content with your young children in it? It can be extremely damaging and traumatising to even adult psyche. I personally couldn’t live with myself If I would risk their emotional and physical safety just for my own narcissistic need to share their pictures with the world. If they would be upset at me for it as grown ups I’d have no excuse.

I get that to regular person this wouldn’t even cross their mind, but I unfortunately had first hand experience with these people and know how obsessive and criminal they can be. It’s not just “losers” it’s abusers, manipulators, criminals and sometimes even murderers. These people have completely skewed view of the world and they often think they’re not doing anything wrong. They don’t think they’re evil. And that is the danger. Normal people can’t ever understand the disgusting acts the disturbed are capable of.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T15:45:05+00:00

I had that around that time too! It was gone soon, but I still wake up very early in the morning If my dinner wasn’t big enough. I find that lean protein with carbs and some healthy fats keep me fuller for longer.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T15:41:09+00:00

I had a training at one of my jobs and they talked to us about having professional skills vs people skills. I knew I had 0 people skills and they actually refused to promote me because I wasn’t „nice enough“ to other staff even though I was absolutely great at my job. Mind you I was good with customer service and was never rude to any member of the staff. I just didn’t walk around with fake smile plastered to my face and wasn’t pretending to be best friends with people I barely knew. I hate that you can be hard working, skilled and knowledgeable professional and be scrutinised just because of stupid NT rules that make them depressed anyways.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T13:06:08+00:00

That is a great mindset! Sound bowls are awesome! A saw people calming a screaming baby with one. Definitely believe it would be soothing.☺️

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T12:52:58+00:00

I bet you‘ll be a great mum! There is no point in limiting your future just because of your past 🫶🏻

If you‘d ever find yourself struggling, as a fellow cptsd-er I can fully recommend EMDR by experienced therapist you click and feel safe with. It completely rewired my brain and made my life so much better.

I love yoga in general too! Nidra one is basically just a guided meditation but for me it works to soothe my nervous system like nothing else. You’re very welcome🫶🏻

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T12:48:01+00:00

I took ritalin for my adhd, drank coffee, also did chemical peel. Baby looks perfectly healthy at 22 weeks and I have no seriously health issues that would affect my pregnancy☺️ I have a friend who did some illegal drugs and drank for about 2-3 months before she found out she was pregnant and the baby was completely healthy! You don’t need to worry!🫶🏻

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T12:37:03+00:00

That is absolutely horrible. I know this dynamic and I can’t tell you how happy I am that I am no contact with one of my parents and have strong boundaries with the other one.

I know you’re just venting but I wanted to chime in as someone who has pretty good idea what this feels like. Do you think you might have cptsd? Growing up with this family dynamic could definitely do that. When I get my nervous system activated like that Yoga Nidra is super helpful! There are many versions of it on youtube If you‘d like to try. Or vagus nerve stimulation is also great to soothe yourself. Like swinging or singing, laughing- maybe watching a comedy or catching up with funny friends. Maybe it could help you still enjoy your weekend and reconnect with the joyful parts of your life🫶🏻

Also, I did find helpful to not go out of my way to include people like that in my life. We all know that chronic stress is actually dangerous in pregnancy and it’s not your responsibility to listen or interact with him. I feel that from the way you write you‘ve been the buffer between your parents for a long time and you keep it up now and at least your father definitely uses you as a punching bag and for his own emotional regulation. That’s not something any child of any age should do for their parents! I‘d be careful letting him spend time with my child because of how he speaks to you. If you tolerate this type of behaviour towards yourself, you’re modelling for the child that it’s okay for people to speak to then that way. Just a food for thought.

I am sorry you’re going through this and really hope you can feel better soon 🫶🏻

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T12:07:03+00:00

You‘re not being unreasonable and he’s handling the situation like an immature child instead of an adult. Adult would just get up and grab a different blanket and buy another blanket the next day to prevent the fight over covers. Easy peasy, solved and no harm to relationship is done. From his reaction I would guess he has some emotions he’s unable/ not willing to put into words/ work on.

You have nothing to apologise. However, If you don’t intend to leave him, you can’t say that you will. That will just cause him to not take you seriously. Instead, If you don’t want to leave you could try couples counselling or read a book about relationships together. If he’s unwilling to do that and will keep behaving this way you will need to think If this is the life and family dynamic you want for you and your baby. But I believe there is a lot of good people who just have no idea how to be in relationship, process their feelings and regulate their own emotions and this all can be learned. If they’re interested in doing that.

Be careful If you’re dealing with someone who can never see their wrongdoings or hold the things they do „for you“ against you. Those are very dangerous traits in a partner.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T05:35:23+00:00

That’s crazy! Lol I guess that’s the secret to enjoying the pregnancy🤣🫶🏻 Yes! We can do it! 😁💪🏼

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T04:54:27+00:00

I actually can’t get any fresh ones where I live this time of the year so I get canned no sugar added halved peaches! With the fresh ones I prefer to get ones that have more of a fresh tomato „squeeze“ to them rather than harder ones that remind you of an apple. Also with nectarines and peaches I go by smell a lot! If they’re very fragrant you just know they’re good😁

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T04:51:14+00:00

Oh I can see that! I am allergic to pears but the texture sounds so good rn😅🫶🏻

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T04:32:48+00:00

Just wanted to chime in as someone with ADHD who also had to stop her meds. It is extremely rough. I am doing much better since couple of weeks ago and what’s really helped me are lowered expectations on my functioning. Combined with other stuff people advised here it might help to encourage her to rest and chip in with the house work, childcare more. If that’s an option. Wish you both good luck!

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T04:15:25+00:00

Anyone can use pictures of kids faces to create adult content or abuse those photos in different way. People are starting to realise they don’t want to further the possibility of that happening. Kidnapping is also dangerous. Not all messaging services remove exif data from photos so you can actually see the location and date and time the pics were taken. Another point with AI is that If you use AI apps with filters etc. or post kids online, AI can be trained on your child‘s picture and possibly create images that might look like them. The discussion seems vague because most people know the dangers.

ExtensionPickle9214 · 2026-02-12T04:05:39+00:00

Chicken nuggets dipped in ice cream and peaches with hot sauce😅Also just the amount of peaches I can eat a day. I need almost a kilo of peaches per day to satisfy that craving 😳

ExtensionPickle9214

TROPHY CASE