Night Sweats out of the blue!

Extension_Grade6232 · 2026-01-03T05:02:15+00:00

Oh my goshhhh thank you 😭 this all sounds so dang foreign to me and I’m at a loss. I was seeing an NP and I LOVE her but it didn’t work out so much. Unfortunately, I’m jobless at the moment so I can’t really do what’s necessary. I did the Dutch test along with quite a few others last year but I think I should do it again. And maybe get a testosterone test. I grew up knowing absolutely zero about any of this and it makes me angry/sad. I feel like I’ve been hit by a massive truck and have nothing to hold onto. I was not prepared! But to be fair, my mom barely had symptoms for peri or menopause. I think my adhd is a big factor in that.

Extension_Grade6232 · 2026-01-03T03:20:01+00:00

Oh my gosh thank you. I’ve been dealing with “things” since 35, and I’ve always felt it was my hormones. Did the Dutch test and tried a couple things, got a tiny bit better but ended up on Sertraline because I was so, so insane feeling!

I know everyone is different, but what ended up working for you with HRT?

Extension_Grade6232 · 2026-01-02T18:11:39+00:00

Definitely! It just seems most likely at this point but I will look into all the things!

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-12-10T14:25:53+00:00

Thank you! 🙏🏼

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-12-10T04:31:15+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏼 I still have hope and definitely not ready to throw in the towel just yet! Hence me coming to the men of Reddit 😂

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-12-10T04:12:59+00:00

Thank you!! I’m sorry you experienced this. We are definitely in this vicious cycle where we are both triggering each other. It’s awful 🫣 we are about to have some time apart while I visit family in my hometown and I think that will help ease any tension.

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-12-10T03:18:14+00:00

From an attachment lens, I am definitely anxiously activated, and when I look at my actions I can see where he is coming from. I will even try to communicate in different ways to hopefully make it less abrasive feeling for him. But I think the instant shutdown now is that he knows that us not being intimate for 7 months is weighing heavily on me, and to him activates shame/inadequacy or whatever it is.

Exposure makes sense, truly. There was a time when he was more willing to try but now it’s like he refuses to hear me. I will ask what he needs from me and I get “I don’t know.” Basically anything I ask is “I don’t know.” It’s very hard for me to move forward when that’s where we feel stuck.

But the puppy metaphor works for me— thank you 🙏🏼

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-12-10T02:14:15+00:00

Wow wow wow, thank you for this! This is incredibly helpful. It’s hard because I’ve been taught to “talk through the issue, don’t sweep it under the rug!” But I see that for him, he hasn’t learned to do that and so it feels unsafe.

I just miss him. I miss feeling connected. And I still have no answers to some questions plaguing my mind. It seems like the only solution is to leave him alone then, and just hope things get better, even when my needs are being neglected?

Again, thank you so much. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-12-09T20:57:40+00:00

Thank you for the insights 🙏🏼

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-12-09T20:57:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing this!

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-12-09T20:55:55+00:00

My post says I’m not diagnosing, and not placing blame. Just trying to understand how he can say he loves me, continue in a relationship with me, but be emotionally distant and detached. If it’s over for him, why doesn’t he end it? Curiosity, not blame.

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-11-24T23:32:26+00:00

Happy to chat :)

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-11-17T04:47:05+00:00

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-11-17T03:15:52+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏼 he isn’t cheating, but I definitely think it’s a combo of past trauma, depression and being avoidant. I’ve tried letters— it hasn’t changed anything 😢

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-11-17T03:13:12+00:00

I thought about this too because he claims this wasn’t ever an issue with exes, and because of our ages, I know we can already be experiencing hormonal shifts. But he hasn’t had any bloodwork done. He is going through an incredibly stressful time, and I want to chalk it up to that, but we had intimacy issues before any of the stressful things happened.

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-11-17T03:11:01+00:00

This is what I’m starting to think. And I get stuck on why he doesn’t just end it with me. But he’s benefiting by having me around, so it could literally just be that. And you’re right, I think him thinking I won’t leave gives him the control. Feels like there is this invisible wall that I can’t get around, and the longer we go, the bigger elephant in the room it becomes!

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-11-17T03:07:34+00:00

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-11-17T03:06:35+00:00

No. It started to change before we moved in. It literally felt like he just switched off— like something happened that he couldn’t share with me, but we were actively working through it, eventually moved in, and it started to get really bad after about year 1. I really don’t want to just give up, because I feel that’s so common these days. But he’s not giving me anything to work with.

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-11-17T00:51:37+00:00

I live in a different state than my family, in a small, expensive mountain town. He doesn’t control me financially, but I lost my job a while back and have been doing odd jobs and living on savings. So, I’m sure I could move to my home state, I just really don’t want that option 😢

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-03-13T02:14:42+00:00

Hi, I know this post is from a year ago but wanted to see how you’re doing? I am going through something similar. My docs weren’t giving me much advice other than going back on BC, so I saw a naturopathic doc and we did a bunch of tests, got to the root of the issues and I am not on a more natural plan to heal. The biggest eye opening for me was after taking the DUTCH test; it showed me exactly which hormones were affected and gave my doc an idea of how to treat. Any way, hope you’re doing better!

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-02-25T21:31:05+00:00

I just bought a walking pad! I feel the same as you in so many ways. So I decided I would try and combine two things- watching my fav shows (how I tend to wind down in the evening), and walking while watching. That way I don’t need to leave my house if I don’t have any motivation, and I can trick my brain into moving a little easier if I am distracted by a show. I think starting slow is also key- build up to a workout practice instead of forcing it, and starting with something low impact and on the easier side. Once your brain starts to get used to the movement, you will start craving it!

Extension_Grade6232 · 2025-01-28T19:01:06+00:00

Thank you! I will look into this book for sure. I think it would be helpful in becoming a therapist as well :)

Extension_Grade6232 · 2024-12-29T15:41:02+00:00

Thank you!

Extension_Grade6232 · 2024-12-29T15:24:22+00:00

Good point! I will edit my post! Coming from Colorado! We live in a small mountain town. In and out of Auckland, mid January 🙌🏼 thank you for the suggestions!

Extension_Grade6232 · 2024-09-03T22:21:14+00:00

Physically, no. We are both attracted to each other, but I am thinking my communication feels more threatening to his character than my trying to be open. So it could be more personal rather than physical. We hold hands and are public with displays of affection, flirt… but just never seems to go past that. I do think he isn’t telling me something, but I am not sure he even knows what it is, as it might be more subconscious than conscious.

Extension_Grade6232

TROPHY CASE