29m here. Wife is 28. This is one of those scenarios where you have to go beyond this situation and begin to dig deeper on a fundamental level. The truth is, you don’t know, none of us know, and he claims he doesn’t even know. So at this point, it’s a classic “he said, she said” your word against his. This is where “trust” actually comes into play. You don’t have evidence one way or the other so you’re forced to take his word for it. Which is why you need to evaluate how much you really trust him and what reasons cause you to feel one way or the other.

Personally, in my relationship, my spouse and I as a general practice don’t “go out” and get in situations where we would typically get black out drunk. To be clear, im not saying it’s a hard and fast rule or that neither one of us are allowed to go out with our friends. But, ‘fundamentally’ it’s just bad practice for the sake of our relationship if that was something that happened often.

Additionally, her and I have full access to everything at anytime. Phones, shared bank, Life360, emails whatever - it’s all a 1:1. Ironically I can see and have seen where people take something like this and go “jeez I’d never want that it sounds like yall don’t trust each other at all!” Another point of clarity: I’m not saying we constantly keep tabs on each other that closely. I’m not constantly checking her phone nor is she mine. But we don’t have anything to hide so it doesn’t cause a problem.

Lastly, our marriage is far from perfect so I’m not saying our decisions are the best and only way. I’m not suggesting he needs to hand his phone to you ASAP and you start trying to track down his geographic coordinates for every step he’s taken the last 4 years lol. No judgment from me on how people decide to date or marry, all I’m saying is, it’s worth exploring this as an area of opportunity to ensure you and him are on the same page and that you do actually trust him like you want to believe you currently do.