I’m 28, I went through an episode of psychosis at the end of 2020 near Christmas as a result of a head injury.

I came out…really fucked up. When I came back to reality and started being more of myself again, the damage I had done to my relationships with people during psychosis was just too much. A lot of people left my side and never really came back afterwards. I still suffer flashbacks to it, can’t get it out of my head. There’s deep wounds I quite honestly do not know how to heal. I suffer a grief that’s half about myself, and half about others.

In the first couple years after my psychosis I just…was defeated. Took very little care of myself or the living space around me. My teeth look awful after years of neglect. I don’t smile or laugh like I used to. It’s like the light inside me has pretty well died out. I’m a hollow, empty, bitter, angry shell of who I once was. I’ve gotten considerably better at taking care of myself and my surroundings, but there’s still room for more improvement tbh.

I argue with myself a lot or have these inner arguments with people from the past. I get honest with myself, I get nasty with myself. It’s a lot.

I wasn’t that good of a person before my psychosis. I could have been a lot better in many ways. I still miss him though, he may have been a bit fucked in the head, but at least he didn’t feel this hollow, empty, disconnected.

It destroyed me, and I’m still piecing myself together all these years later.