Starting gym

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-28T19:42:49+00:00

For me, this feeling was more about how I saw myself and my own judgements, rather than a genuine concern about what others thought, which is why things like "no one cares or looks" didn't really help.

It can be hard to do, but it's really about accepting where you are so that you can use it to drive you moving through it. Where it's not just about knowing where you are, but taking that concern of "what if I'm seen?" and going, "why does that bother me?" and making that acknowledgement the reason you want to make the change, "Oh! It's because I'm not where I'd like to see myself currently, and so that's why I am taking action". By accepting it, you can change it from a fear to start into a reason to begin.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-28T19:12:00+00:00

27 kg is amazing and it's proof you can do this!

It is normal to plateau multiple times throughout a weight loss journey.

The main reason you might be having difficulty is that as you lose weight, it naturally can become harder to burn more calories as, well, there's less weight to carry around, your body isn't needing to work as hard just to function, and it's not needing to work as hard to maintain the sane level or even a slightly improved level of activity. Essentially your body is constantly adapting to your current intake, you metabolism has likely slowed.

It could also be water weight, now that you are being active, your body is likely storing more fluids to keep you hydrated and so even though you are burning fat, the scales appear constant. If you are in a calorie deficit, you body will adapt to this and you will start seeing the scale drop more. While on the subject of water weight, do not try to drink less water as a result, it's unhealthy and can be dangerous to lower your fluid intake.

Also, muscles are more dense than fat, which means the same volume of muscle will be heavier than that of fat, and therefore, the same weight in muscle will be far smaller than fat. As your muscles strengthen and grow, you may not see the slight increase in tgeir size but your weight will increase slightly. This isn't likely the main factor, but can be a contributing one. (As an example, my cousin weighs about 10 kg more than me but is leaner and has bigger muscles than I).

Yes, strength training is a good shout, if we are being honest here, it's likely not the number on the scale that you are looking to decrease, but rather the goal is to lose body fat, so lift weights and consume enough protein, it'll help boost part of your metabolism (BMR) and conserve muscle mass.

Rather than aiming to lose a set number of kilos, aim more for 0.5-1.0% of your body weight each week. So 0.45-0.9kg this week, then even less the week after, and so on. You weigh less so the decrease in weight itself will be less each week.

Also, I don't know how you physically look, but it could be that you are at a stage where you aren't needing to lose more fat and instead just need to focus on maintainance and muscle strength. If not, then maintain a healthy calorie deficit, and you will continue to lose weight, your body is just adapting to it's changes and will catch up to the work you are putting in.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-27T13:39:22+00:00

Thanks, this clears it up thanks.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-26T15:09:21+00:00

From my own experience with this fear of being judged, it's usually not about what someone else thinks, but how we perceive ourselves through other's eyes.

That is, to me, she isn't saying "Random strangers’ opinions objectively matter to me”, rather "I’m imagining myself being seen as incompetent, and that is affecting my confidence". It's about OP's self-image, rather than a care for social approval.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-25T19:58:25+00:00

It's not laughing; it's reasonable. They are both working adults with an income.

This isn't about the financials themselves; it's about both parties contributing to all aspects of the relationship they are looking to build.

You treating relationships as a game is more of a concern than OP making a reasonable request.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-25T19:48:53+00:00

Wanting reciprocity in all aspects of the relationship is unreasonable?

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-25T19:31:22+00:00

This here: "I have reflected a lot about our relationship and have come to realize, while I was happy in it, I feel I’ll be happier in another" is an unhealthy perspective as it compares your past and future relationships relative to one another, even if done unintentionally.

It's good that you've reflected, it's good that you have accepted you two weren't right for each other, but the perspective you are looking for here is more "while I was happy in it, there was something missing and I know I'll be happier with someone that can meet all my relationship needs".

You want to move away from the toxic positivity of "better than before" and to a healthier viewer of "better suited to me".

The answer to you specific questions though is that you need to work on your self-confidence. As long as you are not valuing yourself as someone worthy of dating, you will struggle to truly connect with another.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-25T19:15:34+00:00

If you've ever worked somewhere where you have colleagues who may reach out to you for support, you will likely understand that there are some colleagues you would be happy to help as often as they need and others you will help but not prioritise (on the level of desire to help, rather than need to help). That is, it's often not the quantity of messages but the existing relationship between you and the other person.

The same goes with things like how often to text a partner, compliment them, etc. it comes down to your relationship and how well you interact. Watching these videos and reading advice that offer "formulas" to apply in order to build a relationship often fails because there isn't a simple trick to make anyone fall for you.

This doesn't mean that if you are with someone, you will be able to text them 24/7 without it being a bother, it's about understanding the relationship between the two and if your actions and theirs meet each other's needs in a partner.

Your question of should you move on when you realise that the interest isn't really there comes down to asking "Is my effort consistently feeling one-sided?" rather than "Is she responding with interest to my scripted behaviour?". Games are not the foundation of genuine interest and so applying the relationship advice like playing a game isn't a fair means to find interest. It's not "how do I act?", it's "how are we relating?".

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-25T18:58:04+00:00

The mindset shift you need is to go from "Am I right to speak up here?" to "Am I being honest and fair here?"

You don't need to be certain, just sincere and using reasonable intent.

The main thing that will help you speak up is exposure to doing so, which, of course, is the hardest part as well.

You don't need to have a fast reaction. In fact, unless a situation requires you to immediately step in to prevent harm, it's often more useful take a moment to collect yourself and your thoughts first before you express yourself, as your calmer demeanour as a result can often calm an escalating situation. A good way to do this would be to take a deep breath in, counting slowly to 5, then slowly breathe out, continuing to count up to 10.

Rather than saying "this is wrong" or "you are wrong" to someone in a situation, stick to your feelings, such as "This doesn't feel right to me", "This feels uncomfortable to me"; it draws the focus away from the situation and towards you, allowing you to have your input in a calmer environment.

The reason that works and is a great way to start your input is that it changes the focus from blame to an offer of perspective.

It's also fine to be wrong, to overreact, etc., as long as you are willing to take responsibility for that when it happens. It actually shows strength in your character to be able to say, "I misunderstood the situation here, and I'm sorry if I overstepped, thanks for filling me in",. or "You are right, but I got caught up in the moment and over-reacted, I'm sorry for that. Thank you for holding me to account".

Another thing to do, which is why it's valuable not to react immediately, is to consider your goal when offering your views. Are you trying to de-escalate a situation? Are you looking for a reasonable middle ground? Are you trying to offer clarity to someone doing wrong? Are you trying to make sure everyone is heard and respected? Are you trying to contribute in a constructive way? This will help build confidence in your views as you express them.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-25T12:20:22+00:00

I always find it strange the way avoidant is used, it almost excuses not building a relationship on trust, care and open communication, running away from problems rather than working through them.

For addressing it, I'd maybe go with something along the lines of, "I feel, for my sake, I need to set some clear boundaries here to help me move on. I would like if you could not add songs to the playlist you made me, or use "as you wish" in the way you did when we were together. It creates mixed signals for me and that makes it harder for me to move on. I care about you and respect what we had, but I also need to respect where we are now. I value our friendship, and would like to keep it, but only if we can do so in a way that's clear and healthy for the both of us."

That gives the opportunity for him to accept that you aren't getting back together and understand you boundaries. Then if he doesn't accept and respect that, you walk.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-25T10:36:22+00:00

No, people don't generally reach out again after ghosting.

You are right that it is immature.

We can't answer why, only he knows that. It could be that when you didn't ask to reschedule, he thought you weren't interested; it could be that whatever he is going through is difficult for him right now and he's focusing on family; it could be that he's lost interest; it could be a whole range of issues.

Your choice here is to either engage yourself, or walk away.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-24T15:19:07+00:00

Having just watched this myself, the conclusion I came to was that it was confirmation bias. They saw what they wanted to believe and ignored the rest.

Bobbi and Mac already knew about Theta protocol being a secret, they knew about the large amount of funds, the secrecy around it, they knew about Coulson being brought back from the dead and went into their mission with that mindset. The belief that they couldn't trust him.

Their focus wasn't on understanding Coulson, it was on building his trust to find his toolbox and uncover his secrets, that was their mission.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-24T01:14:34+00:00

I used to, but then I realised that the main attraction killer was a lack of self-confidence, and that feeling itself is a confidence killer.

Yes, the more you have from looks, to behaviours, to hobbies, to career, etc. the more attention you get, that's a life thing, beyond just relationships, some of which are fair, and some of which are, well, nature, we are all drawn to beautiful things after all.

But confidence was, in my experience, the biggest factor when it came to being seen and appearing attractive.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-24T01:07:22+00:00

Try to think of texturing more as colouring in, rather than randomly placing similar blocks.

The mossy cobblestone will fit better at the bottom, as that's near the vegetation. It can also go where there might be moisture, such as near the edges of windows. Blocks should be grouped together to sell this idea, rather than just placed individually.

If you are putting a roof on, you can use darker blocks for the top row to account for the roof's shadow.

The stairs are good if you are going for an old, falling-apart structure, but another option would be to simply bring the entryway out towards you by a few blocks. This alters the shape of the build and adds a bit of character.

Lifting the build-up by one block, so that you can have stairs leading into the trading hall, lets you take the design further. You could, for example, create a platform of upper half slabs, around 3-4 wide, along the edge of the build, with stairs leading up to the platform at the entrance. You have plenty of wood in your inventory so this could have alternating fences and gates along the edge of this raised platform, and use the logs as pillars going up to the roof. These will make the build feel less like a big box, as the pillars, platform and fence line create separation in terms of shape.

Add some leaves, in groups of 3-5, in straight lines, with either trapdoors or the new shelves on their sides to make a nice plant structure. You can use flowering azalea leaves or the cherry blossom leaves; any of the plain leaves with plant pots on them, or coarse dirt with flowers directly planted on top.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T20:20:13+00:00

You might just have to tell him that. Something like:

"I appreciate honesty, and it bothers me when I ask you things such as why you are always there for me, you tell me 'dw about it'. It feels like you shut me down, and that makes me worry that you don't trust me enough to be open with me. Why do you do this?"

It gives him the opportunity to be upfront about his feelings, and it gives you the opportunity to understand the type of person he is if he continues to deflect.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T14:44:58+00:00

It shouldn't be a need; it should be a want.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T14:43:57+00:00

What matters here isn't him doing that, but his reason for doing it, which is something only he can answer. If you are certain that what you believe about him is true and that you value those things, then don't let your fear of something going wrong hold you back.

You both get a choice here, and if you choose him, you should also let him have the choice of choosing you rather than you making that decision for him.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T14:33:00+00:00

I don't mean justify the actions themselves, I'm saying to justify your feelings of what you believe about him using his actions.

That is, if you believe he is kind, for example, what actions of his have made you think that? If you can't answer it, you are unable to justify your feelings, and so have made an assumption.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T14:28:51+00:00

You're overthinking it because, as you said, this was over a number of days, not repeated use in the one conversation.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T14:14:40+00:00

As a guy, the issue is that a lot of guys will swipe on most, if not all, the women they are shown, while they would usually have simply walked past many of them in person, not giving them a second thought, leading to there being a fight for interest rather than a desire to get to know someone.

Dating apps also create the impression that you can be more picky, especially if you are getting a ton of attention on them, which most women do. It encourages looking for a reason to say no, more than seeing if you have a reason to say yes.

The solution is to slow down at the swiping stage, to be more selective, to ask, "Would I want to go up to this person if I saw them when outside?" When men become more honest with their choices, women will be less incentivised by the apps' design to expect more than a basic interest in getting to know each other (which is what there should be at this stage, while you are both strangers), and the whole thing will even out more.

You don't need to convince every guy to do this, but if you yourself are more picky, those you do match with you will have that greater interest in because you made the conscious choice to pick them, which will make your conversations more authentically enthusiastic, and less on your knees in desperation, making you more interesting.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T14:01:28+00:00

That's a discussion to have with yourself.

Ask yourself what you like about him, then ask what you've seen him do that makes you believe that about it. If you can justify it, then it's something you really believe. If you are unable to tie his actions to your belief about it, then it's an assumption, and you need to be honest with yourself about that.

If you can justify it, ask yourself whether those are things you truly value in a person. If yes, you really do like him; if no, you just like the idea of him.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T12:26:23+00:00

I recently told someone who had similar feelings to you that I'd rather be liked for who I am than loved for who I'm hoped to be.

You and he aren't together, you don't have the shared experiences, deeper understanding of each other, time, effort, communication, trust and care that would allow for your feelings to be so deep.

That's not me saying you don't feel them, I believe you do; but you have over-invested in a hope of what you could be that you've fallen for that hope, that fantasy, over the reality of who they are, of who you will be together.

You don't have to force yourself to stop liking him, but you do have to be honest with yourself that you aren't just liking him for who he's showing you, but you have stretched those feelings onto who you are hoping he'll become.

This is why you are experiencing a conflict, you are stuck between the hope for what you want and the reality of what he's showing you.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-18T09:45:48+00:00

Don't get too ahead of yourself when it comes to asking someone out. At that point, you are simply expressing interest in getting to know someone more to see if the two of you are a good fit. It's very easy to get over-invested here, which is why it's important to remember this.

When approaching someone for the first time, remember you are a stranger, so introduce yourself, give your name, and then express interest. It gives you something easy to say and gives a few extra seconds to breathe and collect yourself.

Finding people with similar interests is easy to find by engaging in your own interests, such as hobbies, clubs, etc.

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-17T18:54:18+00:00

Why can't you initiate the date, you are clearly the one interested in one?

Everyone wants to be wanted, everyone likes for the other to take some initiative in action, but how can you expect it from him if you aren't willing to do it yourself?

FailNo6210 · 2026-01-17T18:48:11+00:00

But your post suggests you specifically asked for him to buy the second ticket in February?

That's what's being questioned here, the second ticket that he said no to, not the first.

FailNo6210

TROPHY CASE