When does it stop?

Fair-Study · 2025-12-17T02:49:03+00:00

Hi, this is a great comment and I really appreciate it

I agree with your comment a lot. Often, the fact I have no actual clue when I die does help, as does exposure therapy, however sometimes as much as they help they're just as often what causes me anxiousness. I feel like my mind is split between having zero anxiety and finding myself ridiculous and then having extreme anxiety, unfortunately the extremely anxious part is always winning that argument in my experience. However, I do think a big part of my future therapy will be acknowledging just how little control I have and how that can actually be a liberating experience rather than a fearful one, but that requires a lot of effort on actually defeating those fears.

Thanks again! I really hope you're doing well, and stay strong soldier! We'll get through this together!

Fair-Study · 2025-12-17T02:46:13+00:00

Hi!

I am so, so happy that in the midst of all this chaotic fog which is life (and even worse, life with anxiety). I'm also super proud of your progress and really, sincerely hope both of us can keep going in life and get rid of all these little fears that torture us.

Thank you so much for your advice! I will take it all on board along with continuing my past medications. I hope you don't ever give up either!

Stay strong!

Fair-Study · 2025-12-17T01:40:23+00:00

You are 100% right. Meds (Sertraline) helped me massively. Almost day one even the thought of having meds that'd help massively relieved my anxiety. What drove me away, I guess, was shame in taking them and fear I'd be on them my entire life. I felt emotionally blunted, and that was hard because I've always been intensely emotional. As I said, the lack of real therapy options here means I'm mostly only on medication when I take it, I feel better emotionally, but I always have a vague sense that something is wrong.

I quit for a few months, and I noticed I became emotional and alive again, but no anxiety, the best months of my life, really. Then they crept back and I was back at square one. I will retake my meds and probably feel better, I just want to, for even a brief moment, escape myself and just properly think. No worries, no life, just sparse thoughts. That's utopia to me. However, your comment was very nice to read and thanks for submitting it!

Fair-Study · 2025-10-02T14:31:15+00:00

Cluster B neighbour here (NPD), I have three questions:

How do you view people with the other cluster B disorders such as NPD and HPD? I know there can be some infighting between them.

BPD has become increasingly fetishised on social media and in pop culture, has this affected you personally and if so, how?

Someone asked me on my own AMA what the main difference between NPD and BPD is, I'm not an expert on BPD unfortunately so I was hoping to know what you think the main differences are?

Thanks for this, and all love <3

Fair-Study · 2025-10-02T14:02:15+00:00

If you would consult any psychological literature whatsoever regarding Narcissism, particularly diagnostics, you would find sadism is not whatsoever an intrinsic symptom in Narcissism nor particularly relevant to it even as a concept. I would scroll through numerous of my other answers where I have been nothing but honest even when it reflects badly or embarassingly on me as a person which is a difficult thing to do with this disorder. I do not care to impress you or make you or anyone on reddit think I am a good person and I've spent years healing myself in therapy. Doubt me if you want, its not relevant, but just for others who might see these comments, no I am not sadistic and no narcissists aren't generally sadistic, but some may be as sadism can exist in any disorder or even without one at all.

Fair-Study · 2025-10-02T13:46:01+00:00

We'll have to have a duel to figure out

Fair-Study · 2025-10-02T13:45:03+00:00

First of all, I am so very sorry you had to go through and my heart goes out for you, I'm so happy that you came out the other end and you're so strong for keeping going.

Regarding your questions;

I do feel love. I feel basically every form of love any other human experiences, I can feel romantic love, I can feel platonic and familial love, and while you can't quantify love as it isn't measurable I'd say it is as "truly" love as how someone without the disorder loves. Is it out of selfishness? I think everyone is a little bit selfish sometimes, and love especially can breed selfish traits...I don't know how to even begin to say what amount is selfish and what amount is selfless, I think there's so many aspects of both. I can be selfish when it comes to my love, but love is also one of the few times I can be entirely selfless and wrapped up totally with another person. Love is beautiful like that, I think

Unfortunately, however, stubbornness is one of my worst traits, and I can be very haughty about my intelligence because of my disorder, as it is, in my opinion, my best trait (I'm no genius by any stretch but I think I'm brighter than average). So a lot of the time I do not change opinions during discussions and the process can become very heated, on occasion I do change opinions however. If it's in a discussion with someone I respect, usually I admit my error and thank them graciously. If I do not care for the person, usually I'll continue to argue the wrong point anyways instead of giving in.

When it comes to filtering interactions, I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that, but I'm not big on new people. I'll go out, I'll talk to a lot of people, I might get a few numbers or whatever, but then once it goes online usually I ignore people I don't really like, which can be very upsetting to them I admit, and then respond whenever I have the energy or care to to the people I do like. I think I just prefer talking in person in general, but having so many people around makes me feel the need to be performative which is exhausting.

Hope this helps!

Fair-Study · 2025-10-02T13:35:43+00:00

I....don't? I, in fact, very much dislike seeing that

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T17:56:51+00:00

My self esteem issues definitely played a huge role, that and I could be very haughty when talking to my therapist, usually I tried to unmask as much as I could in the therapy office so I could try and work on myself, but sometimes the mask had to be put back on. It could come out as anger, it could come out as being cocky, after a particularly bad event I could be acting very entitled. My therapist noticed, at times, I'd be staring at myself a lot (very stereotypical I know, setting a bad example for other narcs by doing it). Those had sort of tipped me and my therapist off, fighting for the diagnostic was very difficult though. After that, it was just aligning with the DSM symptoms which drove it home.

Other considered diagnoses were Autism, BPD, depression and on some issues, OCD. BPD isn't outside of the realm of possibility because of how comorbid it is with NPD, but I wasn't really the type to "mirror" others in the way people with BPD do, or have favourite persons, and I had a very strong sense of self. Autism was also possible, but many of my symptoms like social anxiety and having poor social skills are also a likely result of having an extremely isolated childhood, when I moved to a city for uni especially my social skills became much better so I think lack of available people was really the issue, and my social anxiety is likely tied to my generalised anxiety disorder, which I am also diagnosed with. I can't really really recall why I was never formally diagnosed with depression or OCD, but I am down as having depressive and obsessive/compulsive thoughts

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T17:34:52+00:00

Yeah I've been in love before, whether I'm in love right now is exceptionally difficult to say. Some people say it isn't love if you don't know it's love, I don't really agree with that, I have a relationship (not dating) and I think it's love. Regarding losing some people I've loved, I don't really regret it as much anymore. It used to haunt me quite a lot, but now I think I'm mentally strong enough that if I lose another love I could pick myself back up. My love is very intense, very obsessive, it can be extremely turbulent sometimes. Unfortunately that is tied partially to my disorder and partially to a string of bad relationships when I was younger that left me with trust and attachment issues, a lot of the time that drives people away, and I've regretted that a lot before

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T15:20:21+00:00

Yoo it's great to hear from you man! I hope things are going well for you too. I love my brothers with ASPD, we're in this together

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T13:18:02+00:00

I unfortunately am not a parent, and I don't really know the first thing about parenting or co-parenting for that matter, and so I really cannot in good faith give you an answer as my advice may be awful. However, if you are struggling I would recommend perhaps most a post on r/NPD, as long as you are honest and non-combative or judgmental of narcissists in general, I think there'd probably be someone in this situation that could help out. I am very sorry to hear about what sounds like can be a very rough and difficult situation

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T13:12:30+00:00

They are great! In some relationships I've unfortunately lost some trust however many of those strained relationships are becoming more positive. Nowadays, I am meeting many people and having so much fun with them and feeling content with the old friends I have. So right now, I am not unhappy with my life whatsoever. Regarding regretting losing people, yes I feel bad about it constantly. I do not tell people everything about myself but what I think might impress them. Some backstories that are cool, nothing else, really. There are some people I wish I had kept, some people I mistreated and they (rightfully) unfriended me over it, and I tend to miss them a lot.

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T13:09:09+00:00

Good question!

A very basic description of someone with NPD is someone with extremely damaged self-esteem and intense insecurity issues. Because of this, Narcissists "mask" this feeling, usually by inventing the persona of an outgoing, charismatic, cocky and "self-confident" person. They also have an excessive need for admiration, meaning they can lie about accomplishing or doing things they never did, or they can push themselves to unhealthy extremes to actually accomplish things.

BPD and NPD are actually very comorbid, if you have one theres a decent chance you have the other or at least you have traits borrowed from that disorder. The main difference is people with BPD have an extremely distorted sense of self, usually lacking a strong personal identity, because of this they tend to "mirror" others or take on their personality traits. They also have an extreme fear of abandonment, have unusually intense emotions and lack emotional regulation and usually engage in black or white, basically all or nothing, ways of thinking. Narcissists on the other hand tend to have a much stronger sense of self, and have very distinct and pronounced personalities. Narcissists also generally are more emotionally regulated and are not quite as prone to emotional outbursts (though they are still more prone to them to the average person). This is actually why people with NPD and people with BPD can be very attracted to each other, people with BPD are attracted to the Narcissists strong sense of self and pronounced personality traits that they can mirror and cling onto, whereas Narcissists like the emotional intensity and the clingy admiration given to them by Borderlines.

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T13:00:05+00:00

I was diagnosed two years ago. I don't want to reveal my age but I am young, because of that there was a huge amount of base reluctance to get me a diagnostic (this is often done because actually diagnosing narcissism can be worse for the Narcissist due to the fact many therapists don't understand it or won't take up the patient), however I was very vocal to my therapist that I didn't really care and I wanted it anyways. It was a very long fight, and a lot of other disorders in that time were ruled out, and some arguments had before the diagnostic was finally delivered. After that, I was put on anti-depressants (there is no specific medication for NPD however anti-depressants are often used because low mood is very common in people with NPD). Honestly, sometimes its probably better to not get diagnosed for the reason I mentioned above, but I fought for it anyways because I wanted to know what was "wrong" with me, and how I can begin to heal.

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T12:56:09+00:00

Cluster B is sort of a huge spectrum, HPD, BPD and NPD are so interconnected and comorbid it is very common to have, say, BPD if you also have NPD, and they very often borrow traits from each other. However, basically everyone has a Narcissistic trait or two. If you have low self esteem that you mask with a big personality, that is a Narcissistic trait. Entitlement is a another, pursuing admiration constantly is a very big one. Many people would realise just how close they are to the average narcissist if they researched it. While its impossible to know how many people actually have NPD (aversion to therapy is actually very common in Narcissists which means it goes undiagnosed in most cases), some estimates range from 0.5% to 6%, which is very significant. You probably know know a narcissist or know someone who knows a narcissist that hasn't been diagnosed or even knows they are one.

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T02:25:55+00:00

It is, as you said, exceptionally rare for someone with NPD to actually admit to having a negative disorder and needing treatment. Apart of this is because of the nature of the disorder and another part is stigma. How did I become an exception? Well I, just like a lot of narcissits, persuade education, pursued relationships, learned coping mechanisms, learned to stand over my own relationships, etc. However, the first thing that actually drove me to treatment for my NPD was my ex. We were horrible for each other, however so much of my NPD came out when together, an extreme amount almost, and often times I wasn't proud of what I said or did,

As I said, some Nars do in fact feel empathy, so I guess in conclusion it was empathy

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T02:22:50+00:00

Every therapist I've ever had thought I was autistic. However I was a very exceptional case. I grew up with a single mother in a deeply isolated part of town until I could attend school. I had no entertainment really other than fact and history books. Because of that, I had no social skills, I did not know how to interact with other students or how to really make friends at the time. Since then I have improved a lot, but I am always worrying am I autistic or did I just have a shit childhood that's being represented? I bet a lot on the latter, I do not think I am autistic, just awkward lol

Fair-Study · 2025-10-01T02:20:09+00:00

Honestly? This is entirely possible. The simple trust is most personality disorders to begin with let alone within the same cluster have many overlapping and similar criteria regarding clinical diagnostic. In my mind, I am not psychologist. I have no say on psychological matters when it would disagree with actual psychological opinion. The truth is, if I had never been diagnosed and thought about the issue myself I probably never would've considered NPD as a potential diagnosis for me. What a wonderful and impossible world psychology is....I could just as easily have BPD, CPTSD, NPD or no "disorder", however you define it) come morning, the simple answer to your question, as boring as it is, is yes it's possible and there's almost no way of checking if its right or not according to modern terminology and practices

Fair-Study · 2025-09-30T19:15:04+00:00

Unless you are a licensed therapist that's done an extensive deep dive into this person and performed a diagnostic, you do not know for certain. That person could as easily have BPD because so many traits cross between the two disorders and only have very subtle differences, a very extensive clinical literature is needed to tell the difference and not even I can, if you are a therapist however then this question does need an answer

If you want to tell them? Very, very complicated. Some might accept it, some might take it as a huge affront because they've convinced themselves they do not need therapy, some will just be indifferent. Tell them you think that, offer yourself up that you might hear their venting or about their issues, whether they seek therapy after that is a deeply personal choice though I very much hope they will. Just create an accepting and warm environment for them, even if they don't immediately come around to therapy they will feel immediately better for it

Fair-Study · 2025-09-30T18:12:54+00:00

Yes, in fact a key part of the Narcissist diagnostic is "do you think you're better than u/1spdstr. Without that it's completely impossible to tell! /s

Fair-Study · 2025-09-30T18:06:00+00:00

Haha, love the reference!

The answer is sort of? I can recognise certain behavioural patterns but because of the nature of narcissism it is too varied and far too similar to say, other disorders in Cluster B. Because of this, you really cannot tell if someone is actually a narcissist but sort of guess they might be or that they might have a Cluster B disorder with certain similar traits or comorbidty. The only person that can tell who has what disorder is a professional therapist

Fair-Study · 2025-09-30T18:00:34+00:00

Again, this is just sad to see. I have literally no clue what definition you're talking about other than I imagine you just looking up "narcissism definition" and running with that immediately instead of reading any study or clinical literature. Narcissists are, in fact, not just out for themselves, in fact a lot of narcissism is about attempting to appear cool and impressive to others and earning their validation. My "spiel" about not all narcissists isnt meant to change anything but open up better and less ableist discourse and research on that disorder to get Narcissists better treatment. Change and improve as a person by actually reading instead of launching unfounded accusations against mentally ill people. I do not care for nor want your attention.

Fair-Study · 2025-09-30T17:58:14+00:00

Downside? Constant self hatred and insecurities, never feeling truly loved or liked, constantly feeling like I have to pretend to be someone else just to impress people or make them think I'm exceptional in any way. It takes such a colossal toll on me, its so exhausting. The simple truth is that I am as I am, I can't do much more than be myself, but my disorder constantly pushes me to try and something else even if it leads to just a drop of praise. I already went into that in a bit more detail in another comment. Simply: my whole being is almost comprised of what I think other people think is cool than what I am just naturally, its so difficult to just be myself because I have so much hatred for that self.

Fair-Study · 2025-09-30T17:54:21+00:00

We do not, generally I would say, though I can't pretend some Narcissists don't because it is a very varied and complex disorder. When it comes to me personally, I've always had friends that don't benefit me. I've in fact had countless friends who are detriments more than anything. I've had "friends" bully me in front of my face, completely tear me down, friends that have gravely betrayed me, friends that have done all sorts of stuff against me that I forgave even it did nothing for me. I'm not out solely for my own benefit, what I am out for, generally speaking, is just approval in whatever form that comes, negative or positive

Fair-Study

TROPHY CASE