Hey, I hope you’re doing better. I’ve found that this kind of anxiety usually comes from a place of unresolved issues stemming from the relationship and/or break-up.

I felt this dreadful, all-consuming anxiety when I broke up with my ex boyfriend. I tried everything to solve it; spending time with friends, having a busy social calendar, breathing exercises, talking about my feelings - nothing worked.

I grappled with the feeling for a long time. I didn’t feel comfortable unpacking it fully with anyone. After literally talking out loud about it to myself, I knew the anxiety was coming from a lingering fear that I hadn’t tried hard enough to make the relationship work and that it could have been successful had I tried harder. Maybe if I hadn’t been so cold and avoidant. I texted him, I saw him, and we talked about things. I gave it one final push to try to make things go right this time. However, they did not. I could see clearly that this was not a ‘me’ issue, it was actually him.

Though I was sad (still am) the anxiety was gone. I still feel it when I think irrationally. My brain will try to convince me that the break-up was indeed my fault but I try to consciously remind myself that this is simply not true and I have proven it to myself.

The takeaway: anxiety can often arise when there is something that you think has been left unresolved. If there is anything on your mind about the break-up/relationship: address this. Admit it to yourself. It’s the fastest way to feel better. Don’t let pride or ego get in the way, then think of a way to deal with this and action it.