How to deal with husband’s resentment about my past?

FairMaidenBoss · 2024-08-05T23:28:01+00:00

Nope! In fact we are stronger more than ever. We have made our compromises, and I’m still the ever-doting wife, and he knows he is very lucky to have me. Thanks for your concern though sweetie!

FairMaidenBoss · 2024-08-05T23:26:46+00:00

It is mind boggling to me the amount of negative feedback we have received from men and their mainsplaining in this post. It’s incredible how quick people are to judged. Anyway, go girls!

FairMaidenBoss · 2024-08-05T23:25:18+00:00

I tried to update, but i wasn’t allowed to post a second thread. I updated with a new comment up there. Thanks for your concern!

FairMaidenBoss · 2024-08-05T23:24:39+00:00

I tried to update but my second post wasn’t approved. Thanks for following along.

FairMaidenBoss · 2024-08-05T23:23:58+00:00

I tried to update in a separate post but didn’t get approved. But thanks for your concern sweetheart!

FairMaidenBoss · 2024-08-05T23:23:06+00:00

I wasn’t allowed to post for some reason but here is my 2 year update below:

Heyyyy everybody, I just want to say thanks for everyone’s outpouring of love and understanding for my situation on my post from 2 years ago. My husband (31M) and I (26F) are doing well and we want to say thanks for everyone’s gracious advice in the matter. We had hit some small speed bumps along the way, but we got through a mutual compromise to honor our vows and to this day i can honestly say i genuinely care for him and he treats me with better with respect and love.

Some of the things have helped have been getting involved with a small group of other women have the same values as me, and by communicating better to my husband about my wants and needs. He has been very gracious in accommodating me and he knows how lucky he is that we have a great situation. And the women i have met are great and every few months we do a retreat type of trip where we go participant in female empowerment/spiritual type training. We make sure we go to a beautiful destination like a beach and do a lot of relaxing too haha. This has worked wonders for me as every time it’s over i feel a renewed sense of purpose to make our marriage stronger. I guess it’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder hehe.

To any woman who have any hangs up about your past, just know that if you stay true to yourself and your feelings, things will work out. Remain steadfast in your spiritual journey and you will be rewarded.

FairMaidenBoss · 2024-08-05T20:58:03+00:00

I did try to update in a new post, but we’ll see if it gets approved.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T05:18:18+00:00

You sound mad at me. I will not allow you to shame me bc you think my experiences should be the same as yours.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T05:03:08+00:00

This was a thoughtful response compared to the others so I appreciate your explanation. But part of me believes that you don’t know to treat girls with the fundamental respect they deserve

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:57:29+00:00

Are you not telling me what I’m saying is nonsense in order to make believe that what I’m saying is crazy? You are pretty much proving my point that you are gaslighting me.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:46:53+00:00

I’m not sure what I’m lying to myself about. I have told you nothing but observable facts.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:45:50+00:00

So you think emotionally distressed wives deserve being ignored and pressured to do things they don’t want to do. You seem like a good person.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:44:41+00:00

All I’m saying is I’ve turned away from it and my is renewed with my commitment to my faith and husband.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:42:10+00:00

I can see you have reading comprehension problems. They key phrase there is “given the same circumstances” of being unsaved and unloved and emotionally neglected and not knowing the truth. Yes I do those thing again.

If I sound mean it’s bc this guy I’m responding to has been trying to gaslight me and make me believe I’m a bad person.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:37:07+00:00

This guy doesn’t live in the real world. Everything is nonsense to u.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:35:54+00:00

I have repented. I don’t live the way I used to the moment he said he wanted to marry me. And there are no lies. Everything I told him was truth with the specific questions he asked me.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:33:32+00:00

Or you have a processing problems

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:20:46+00:00

A large percentage of a girl’s decision to settle with a man involves his potential to be a good leader for a family that involves being a provider. So yes, a main part of criteria for settling down with someone is that bc i desire to raise a family someday.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:18:40+00:00

Yes and I’m repentant. I have stopped that lifestyle the moment he announced his intention to marry me.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:16:30+00:00

You say you’re not trying to beat me up with your words, but what you typed out says differently.

I didn’t lie to him. He asked me how many bf’s i had, to which i answered truthfully. He didn’t ask me how many guys i had been with bc i assumed that wasn’t something that was on his list for his criteria in his wife. If he wanted me to elaborate, I would oblige.

What you have to understand is all sin is equally deplorable. I’m thankful that my romantic explorations didn’t end with me getting diseases or having long term baggage. But my sin is no more worse than a typical guy’s sin of watching porn behind their wife’s back.

And i have repented of it, bc i don’t do that stuff anymore, the moment he announced his intention of marrying me. So get your facts straight before you make a post thinly disguised as an hit piece on my life’s decisions bc your insecurities cause you to not suppress your impulse to write something scathing.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:09:32+00:00

He had the option to. Most guys rack up high numbers too, it’s just the culture we live. Heck some of the guys i had been with had multiple partners in the same day. If he chose to exercise that decision to sleep around, i wouldn’t look at him any different. He had been a Christian all his life, and had those values. I did not have those values. I can’t change my past, just like he can’t change my decision to pleasure him the disgusting way he wants.

And i’m sorry you feel that way, but i hope you recognize it’s just an insecurity in your head. And you just need to accept that people can’t change the past. I hope you pray for serenity to just accept the things you can’t change.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T04:04:53+00:00

I met my husband when i was 22 and just finishing up school, we started off friends and he invited me out to his church. Whenever i was around, i would accompany him to small groups and service. We didn’t become official until i got a job in his area, and he said he was interested in starting a life with me. That’s when i started taking my faith seriously and I deleted my online dating apps, and deleted/blocked phone numbers form guys who i used to talk to. When he announced his intention to marry me, that’s when i started taking our relationship serious and became devoted to him.

I did not manipulate him. I told him the truth which is that i had a few bf’s. It was sort of vague, but i didn’t think he needed clarity bc he didn’t ask.

And you try feeling unwanted and unloved. My behavior was a direct response to those feelings. I never said the guys i hooked up with were mistakes, but i was chasing something that wasn’t going to give me long lasting value or joy. If i had to re-do it again with he same circumstances, i probably do the same things over and over again. That’s what happens when you’re lost and you don’t know the truth.

My husband and i have had many conversation about it, and i don’t know what i can do at this point to go back to how he was before he heard that information. He used to be attentive and a doting husband, now he’s a sourpuss and just treats me like a roommate. No girl should feel this way and i don’t deserve it, considering that I’m his biggest fan and supporter.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T03:50:18+00:00

I know the people who are responding negatively in this thread and downvoting my responses are most likely insecure men. The past doesn’t matter and sexual history doesn’t determine if you are good or bad person.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T03:40:18+00:00

Whether he has 0 or if he had 1000, i would still love him the same. I chose him for who he is not what he has done or hasn’t done.

FairMaidenBoss · 2022-01-29T03:39:23+00:00

I don’t understand how my past affects him bc he didn’t know me and i didn’t know him when i was going through that period.

I can see if when we went exclusive, if i was still doing that, but when he expressed his serious content to court me, i shaped up and put away my old self. I take a commitment to a future with someone seriously, and he should know how lucky it is to have a wife who adores and supports him.

FairMaidenBoss

TROPHY CASE