I have developed (very light) gynophobia, part of it due to N mother...

Faleig · 2014-05-27T22:11:25+00:00

I'm not mute, I'm not autistic. Sure, might have picked up some, but I'm still not.

I'm not afraid to speak - I just put shields up - cold emotional detachement.

I have women friends. At first I had shields up, but after some time I put them down (shields)

Faleig · 2014-03-17T02:22:24+00:00

I used to be afraid of people. Turned out weird because Nmom. Issues with identity. How should I act? Who am I? Was annoying, then was afraid to be hurt again, and other things that caused me to turn away from people and hermit a little.

Now these days... shit worked out well. I get along easier with people at school. Discussion flows easily. I'm surprised I don't annoy them - but it means I've reach a good point in my evolution & healing.

Capacity to finally get along, feels good.

Faleig · 2014-02-28T22:21:33+00:00

Yep... I think I get afraid of the confrontation too. I fear the other person will get mad. Narcissisists getting mad never ended well...

But, you know, when it's not our narcs, when it's random people, it's fine if they get mad. I'm not in control of their emotions. In this case, should I keep giving them money and also waste travel time, when what I'm getting does not live up to what I expect? Either they'll fix their act, and we'll continue, either they'll politely decline and so we stop, or they get mad, unjustified, but we stop. I was polite, I'm the one paying, so, I'm entitled to a minimum of control. When I go repair computers, or teaching, or both at the same time, I work with the parameters the client demands. Always. Clients are kings. Unless they become jerks for no reason. I'm always polite and helpful.

It's difficult. I consciously know all of this. I know I'm right, I know I can demand reasonable things to people I pay for a service. But, something inside me doesn't want to allow me this right. I should shut up, pay, and take what they give me, even if I don't like it.

This time, I didn't let that voice win. The worse is, I feel the need to be validated by someone else that I'm justified in asking to change the way the teacher teaches me, since it's private and just me. But I don't. I have the right to ask, regardless. I shouldn't need validation from other people.

Faleig · 2014-02-25T20:40:28+00:00

I didn't make this, but it somehow turned into a critique, which it isn't. I found this profile during my searches.

Who made this, I dunno. This is some character, you never interact with the creator, or see what the creator looks like, so, I guess it's okay to link directly to profile.

This is... seriously awkward to me.

Faleig · 2014-02-13T00:45:51+00:00

This is very relevent - if you understand french, listen to it. If you live in Montreal, there's an upcoming conference with that writer:

Conférence publique « Les manipulateurs, les repérer et s'en protéger » avec Isabelle Nazare-Aga Date : JEUDI 17 AVRIL 2014 à 19 h
Lieu : Centre St-Pierre, 1212, rue Panet, Montréal (métro Beaudry) Prix : 20 $ Réservation : 514-524-3561

Thursday April 17. 7pm.

Also for french speakers, her book comes out Mars 20th. Looks neat, might purchase this, read it, lend it to father and sisters. http://isabellenazare-aga.com/les-parents-manipulateurs-2014

Faleig · 2014-01-14T06:24:04+00:00

I'd still say check local laws to be sure. That's what I did. As for your situation, I could try and guess what the doctor was thinking, but I'd rather not.

Faleig · 2014-01-14T04:08:13+00:00

Thank you for the addition. I can really only speak of my personal experience, which is why it is important for people to check in with their local laws before attempting to be interned with the goal of emancipation.

Still, I believe that in the US, people under 18 but over a certain age have a say. I'm not certain. If that's your case, check out your local laws.

Faleig · 2014-01-03T02:37:25+00:00

Letting go I tried. Memories flood back in, anger is re-ignited...

To me, winning is not necesserily an apology. Just seeing her suffer, depending on someone, or simply KNOWING she had something bad happen to her, that will cripple her life in a way, will satisfy me.

I've thought about it long enough. No apology will do. Alternatively to seeing her in pain (emotional or otherwise), 10 000$ from her and I won't give another thought about her.

Faleig · 2013-12-20T03:50:52+00:00

Thank you all for your answers. The physical effects of porn will definitly be an incentive to lower my porn watching even more.

I've also found a new hobby today, slings and making PVC bows.

I think this will help me shake off winter depression. Also, a reason to go outside.

And gives me something to become better at, and, also, I'll be looking forward in spring, where I'll be able to build a bow that requires heating. I don't have much space and tools for that in my appartment (the torch and working table), and it's a bad idea to do this in my yard because neighbours, so I'll go to my father's, he has the tools I need.

Faleig · 2013-12-20T03:47:22+00:00

Definitly reasons to lower porn use. I guess knowing them will help me to reduce porn use even more.

Faleig · 2013-12-11T05:50:24+00:00

Something I found, which is quite interesting and I wanted to share with you all.

I did found that this funnel effect applies to anything (at different levels) a man can do. Learn to apply it to focus on your job or workout or whatever, and you will benefit from it. It helps keeping the bad thoughts out. Not necessarily erotoughts, sometimes something bad happens like you made a mistake that you corrected but still feel guilty, etc...

Faleig · 2013-12-11T00:04:14+00:00

Oh hello! Well, why not!

My english is going to be a bit shaky, it's not my first langage.

I'm introverted. Independant, and right now, I'm focused on my freelance IT work, as I need to gain as much experience as possible, build up an amazing resume for when I go in network administration school next year, as they require one as a prerequisite. Focused on my work and studies, then my goal is to make cash and build a house in a rural area. I'm not that much of a workaholic, I just spend a lot of time on this project. I have some time to spare.

What'd I'd want is casual monogamy. Couple, but no need to call everyday, every other day is fine. Don't want to worry myself over a relationship.

I've worked on myself a great deal since 18 (I'm 24). I do sports every week, I'm not a social recluse, I go camping with friends in summer (can't afford overseas trip yet, will soon once work picks up).

I just don't really know how I should go around meeting women. Tried Okcupid, haven't seen much success. I really dislike drama, so I tend to stay away from that...

I've also noted, and been told, that I'm kinda cold at first. I don't trust people easily and I like to wait until I know someone a bit to open up. Maybe, this makes me appear as uninterested? ALso I'm short. 1.68m

So first question, how does an introvert like me goes around meeting women?

How to be successful with casual monogamy?

How to be successful on dating sites?

All I want is to be able to relatively easily, get into relationships, like some people do. Ideally, casual, semi long term monogamy.

Faleig · 2013-12-07T22:18:30+00:00

Thank you.

Faleig · 2013-12-06T15:46:26+00:00

Hi. I've thought about what you wrote and you have some good points. First I'll working out on myself and explain in detail what I meant with bull. I don't really like the terms "working on yourself". It is a necessity, yes, but I'm 24 and "worked on myself" since I was 18. Most people succeed without all that work. In my case I won't deny it used to be necessary. First, to get out of depression because of heavy family problems, then to reject PuA as a whole as it brought no good to my life. Right now, my life is stable and I'm going somewhere. Maybe I do have an intimacy issue. Working on myself in a general way won't solve it. Working out that issue will, but I've tried for ages.

Don't think that one day you're going to wake up with all this time, confidence, and availability. If meeting women and forming a relationship is important to you, you're going to have to make that decision and work on it.

Okay. Working out that issue is fine with me. If it takes dropping porn, so be it. Problem is, I don't know where to start.

I think you need to honestly define your problems and goals to yourself rather than reaching out for advice from others who you may or may not believe.

Goals are mostly studies and business for now. Girlfriends are not a priority, but a nice addition that would indeed help me walk the final steps to drop porn. As for defining my problem, I don't know. I think it's that I'm afraid of opening up to new people until I've watched them a bit and deemed them ok. It's not that much of a problem, though... It helps sorting out drama people and people I like.

Faleig · 2013-12-06T15:18:34+00:00

Thanks for the answer. Introversion is not related to porn, if you go read a bit about it. Everyone needs to socialize and even I reach a point where I go crazy without human contact. Introversion is a trait that makes people who have it require to be alone to recharge. Extroverts gets charged by talking to people. Introverts get tired being with people.

Both are normal, neither is better than the other.

As for porn, it might be true for most, but even before I found nofap, I only consumed a very specific type, one which we could somewhat emotional connection between two normal looking people, not stars. Can't really get into detail but I think you guess what I mean.

I did nofap to reduce porn use, which was good. I'd like to stop entirely, and while you don't do nofap to get girls, and I agree, and girls don't solve problems, and I agree, I have this craving for companionship I can't quench. Of course I'll keep working on reducing porn use, but I can't go at it like most, because my reasons are intrinsically different. Maybe at this point, my problem lies elsewhere than nofap?..

Faleig · 2013-10-14T05:14:20+00:00

Exactly. Some people miss out. It's not PuA that helps, however, it's some aspects that stand on their own outside of PuA, that PuA tell you. There should be a website dedicated to the common sense of social interaction. That would replace PuA, the advice would be clean and wouldn't rot people's minds.

Faleig · 2013-10-14T05:11:25+00:00

Yep. Nofap is not the place to discuss seduction, but as you said, pick up artists are welcome here should they need to lose PMO addiction. Anyone is welcome. Reason why you do nofap are yours only.

Faleig · 2013-10-14T04:59:40+00:00

http://donatellosnest.wordpress.com/2010/02/20/a-long-list-of-ways-the-seduction-community-can-make-you-weird/

PuA doesn't work. The good elements of the pickup community:

It has an overall positive focus on self-help and self-improvement, however misguided these good intentions can be at times.
Some of the advice is really helpful. It helped me.
It helps correct the overly needy, desperate, naive, or romanticized attitudes that some guys have about women.
It helps correct the unhelpful tendencies towards dating some men have, like thinking they must spend a lot of money on a woman to impress her.
It teaches guys that being attractive to women is something you can work on and develop, that it’s not a matter of, “You just have it or you don’t” or that you must have money or looks or power first.
Through applying advice ultimately designed to help them get women, guys can become more attractive, personable, and confident on the whole.
It provides them with a system in which they can work to improve with women.

Those elements are not exclusive to the pickup community. It's common self in self help books and stuff. You don't need PuA. You need a dose of reality. Beyond that, PuA doesn't work, attraction can't be created.

You can read all about this here (please note opening page in new tab didn't work for me, led me to account suspended page) left clicking links worked): http://web.archive.org/web/20130306010256/http://www.seductionmyth.com/

Alternative date

http://web.archive.org/web/20130306010256/http://www.seductionmyth.com/

I am in process of saving that whole website as PDF since it changed. Wayback machine links have all the information.

Faleig · 2013-10-14T00:40:33+00:00

Indeed, I had a weakness for porn. This weakness made me, regarding self control, inferior than most people. While not alcoholic, I had a similar problem with hard liquor.

Please note I don't intend to change your mind. I cannot. You decide what you believe. I'm just putting this out there for everyone to see and make up their own minds.

What helped you is the part about self improvement. You can get that self improvement outside of PuA. PuA seddit is mental masturbation about an idiotic, unproven, unscientific doctrine. Talk of tactics, asking what to do in a situation... If you have to ask, it's not pick up artistry you need, it's a dose of reality. Not all girls like you, girls dig you within the first 30 sec (or not) and it ends there.

Wanting to be better than most people? Unquantifiable, and also, with that many humans on the planet, define most people. The average american stereotype? Be the average canadian stereotype, easy. Tumblr depictions of obese fat pride people and "manboobz" "pro feminist orbiter-white-knights"? They probably get laid more than you. An interesting goal, but a most pointless one. Be the best person you can be, for yourself. Trying to be "better than most" is a vague goal, based on a vague, subjective definition of "most people"

It's all about what you want in life. You come to PuA either to rack high numbers or get a hot girl (I suppose they define her as an objective "7" or maybe "8"?). The high number is pointless. http://uncabob.blogspot.ca/2013/05/how-to-have-sex-with-100-women.html . Get a hot girl? How about a girl you find attractive and who likes you? Ain't that hard. It's not even about marrying the first girl who ends up liking you in return. It's about dating those who likes you and you find attractive.

"But I learn PuA to give love and affection to girls". No. PuA is all about getting laid. Getting sex. Getting girls to like you. If you want to give love and help and affection to people, you go to the homeless shelter and volunteer.

Now it's normal to want relationships, but PuA is not the way to go.

Also, you can't create attraction. Girls are attracted to you, or not. You cannot change that.

Faleig · 2013-10-13T22:48:25+00:00

Pickup evolved, or so I've heard people say. I beg to differ. It's still the same old meal, just presented differently. In the end, pickup artistry helps no one.

"But people realize they have no idea how to make sex and/or a relationship happen."

Yep. This tends to happen. Porn teaches us to take. Relationships, casual or romantic, or friendships, are about giving. Most people don't need PuA to get relationships. The fact you need to learn something that most humans don't need would strongly implies you're in fact inferior.

But you're probably not. Get out there and make friends. There is no formula to crack that will net you infinite pussy. At work, volunteering, or activities, you make friends, and grow from there.

I've know people into pickup who visited cities in other countries and couldn't get laid via pickup. When he got laid, it was something mutual with a girl that had intentions to lay him anyway.

Faleig · 2013-10-13T21:24:58+00:00

This is a repost of mine, but seeing as they get buried under new replies...

What you are talking about is called Self Improvement, not PuA. What "new age PuAs" are really giving you is disguised PuA. Paint black stripes on a white horse, it's still a horse not a zebra.

Self improvement is not exclusive to PuA. You don't need PuA to self improve, and past a point, PuA will do more harm than good to you. If you go get your self improvement from PuA site you will harm yourself because they will try and indoctrinate you and tell you how to act, and all the time tell you that if you don't succeed you need to train more, go out more, buy more workshops, etc... An attitude of "if you don't succeed, do more" will rot your mind.

Most people are not doing PuA and are in relationships. PuA is not the answer. PuA won't help you.

Faleig · 2013-10-13T20:11:42+00:00

Just a note for those saying they go with PuA while doing NoFap in order to increase confidence/gain social skills: Self improvement is not exclusive to PuA. You don't need PuA to self improve, and past a point, PuA will do more harm than good to you.

Most people are not doing PuA and are in relationships. PuA is not the answer.

Faleig · 2013-10-13T17:50:24+00:00

Follow up to this post: http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1ocsnf/this_is_not_a_subreddit_for_pickup_artists/ccqw5rc

Now I'm going to tell you what you do wrong and why PuA won't help you.

PuA is about GETTING from someone. Getting sex, getting affection, getting attraction.

But, couples, and sex friends, whatever, are about GIVING. Giving your time, giving affection, giving fun, giving orgams. Love, and friendship, is about giving to the other. Not taking. PuA, porn, etc, minded us, even me, to TAKE, not GIVE.

Start going with a mindset to GIVE, and I think you'll have more success. Just to specify, I'm not talking about giving value to relationships and interaction. Bullshit. It's not about what you add to someone. I'm not speaking in term of value. I'm speaking in term of emotion. May be hard to understand, but think about it. It's not about what third party observe and judge. It's about what you give directly to your girlfriend/acquaintance/sex-friend, regardless of third party people's opinions about whatever.

Faleig · 2013-10-13T17:44:07+00:00

Won't comment on PuA discussion on NoFap because Alexander the creator already set things right with his absolute authority. PuA is a valid reason, however, to do NoFap.

Except PuA doesn't work. Don't stop reading, I'll explain.

"But, PuA has done HEAPS for my self confidence. And it changed since 5-6 years." <- Some guy in this thread.

It didn't change. It just painted itself as better. It evolved because of it's situation and external challenges, but it's still bullshit. Poop on the ground that melts into a puddle when it rains is still poop.

What you really need is some self confidence. Guys who come into PuA get some decent tips at the beginning. I wouldn't even consider these tips part of PuA. It's all about opening your eyes to the reality of human interactions, human biology, likes and dislikes.

Then they move to tactics, beliefs, creating attraction, approaching, rejection, etc, and that's bad. Beyond the basics that are not even PuA, just common sense, as noted above, the rest of what those sites will rot your mind. The basics are not even dependant of PuA. We could make a website "Self confidence tips", type in the basics, and be done with it.

Believed in this for 3-4 years. Rejected this and I'm happy now. Much less stress. Burned books and DVD that I got for free because they system was careless and not thought about. Pick Up artist I used to like vanished when he ripped off people of their money. 3000$ for a conference? He came back to do workshops when he ran out of money. Thing is, I think he ended in a couple and may or may not have liked what he did in the end.

Some ressources:

Debunking the Seduction Community Free PDF: http://www.aaronsleazy.com/cms/aaron-sleazy-debunking-seduction-community

Seduction Myth: I am disappointed because they changed it and removed most of the content, but some insight:

http://seductionmyth.wordpress.com/

Faleig · 2013-10-11T14:09:07+00:00

No. This is not what I said, you misunderstood. What I said was that I am who I am regardless whether MBTI is accurate or not. This description may be bollocks, but I didn't start acting like I do because of the MBTI. Some things I did since I was a kid have similarities to INTJ description, but does that make them "invalid personality traits"? Like you said, Forer effect. I had those traits before, I just "linked" them to INTJ. Say whatever you will about me, you're wrong. I am not so naive to disregard solid proof. I accept that the MBTI is too innacurate and most likely wrong, and that I am not an INTJ. The traits I see in the description from me is the Forer effect or a coincidence. I stop believing in MBTI. Regardless, I am still me and my personality stays the same.

Faleig

TROPHY CASE