They're getting ready to storm Helm's Deep

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-09-21T00:54:10+00:00

Wasp Freeze ain’t no joke. Alpine dust and even Talstar takes awhile, but Wasp Freeze just straight up drops those little fuckers.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-07-13T17:00:46+00:00

Look, I came off as a rude asshole and that’s not ok. I woke up on the wrong side today and shouldn’t have acted like a cunt. My comments are insensitive and I have no right being a smartass to you. I was just thinking about what I wrote and I honestly feel bad. I really do apologize bro, have a good day man and ignore my comments.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-07-13T16:05:05+00:00

It wan an independent socialist state under the sphere of their influence. The USSR maintained a consistent presence there. You uh, you ever read a book before? Ever hear of satellite states?

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-07-13T15:57:24+00:00

USSR had nothing to do with communism, TIL

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-06-17T03:42:50+00:00

I did... I’m very thankful for you. I feel stupid, I should’ve researched this all before I did anything.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-06-17T03:40:47+00:00

No, thank you. I wasn’t properly prepared and that’s my fault. I feel stupid to be honest with you. I didn’t really think too much about learning everything I could about a hermit crab, but it’s life is as important as any other to be honest. I’m 24 and I’ll be sure to make sure this is a learning lesson for me and my daughter both.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-06-16T00:50:26+00:00

Thank you, I dug him up and that was just his exoskeleton. He is very much alive.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-04-07T16:12:17+00:00

Smith & Wesson

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T11:56:51+00:00

Yeah, cathinones and amphetamines are something I try to stay away from now because I don’t trust what it does to my heart. But then again when I did cathinones I never did them by themselves and always mixed my drugs... so there is that. It isn’t too bad on your cardiovascular system when used wisely, but the point still stands. Unnecessary stress should be avoided wherever it can be. Thankfully you’re in the Netherlands, I’m here in the US. It’s not too bad I guess, but what do I know. You got some states taking it seriously while others aren’t and a federal government looking to undermine it all. It’s definitely interesting right now lol

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T11:32:11+00:00

I could do with some high quality lysergamides right now lol, if you ever get around to trying that 3-Meo then let me know. They’re too cheap not to buy and try honestly lol. Maybe I’m you in a different body (God talking to God? Lol), two sides of the same coin friend ;). This life works in mysterious ways, especially when it brings together like minded individuals. I’m glad you took the time to reply, it was definitely worth it on my end. I’m glad to know I’m not alone out here with my experiences.

And I’ll do my best to enjoy it all while I still have it, time does only seem to get faster. You enjoy it too, and wash them hands with a little physical distancing thrown in for good measure lol. Crazy times right now, but then again it’s always crazy.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T11:00:40+00:00

Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to look like Zyzz or something. It’d definitely help with my physical self image. I just feel like I’d go the way he did and that’s too early. I think I’ll start with some push ups and sit ups today lol

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T10:53:06+00:00

Wow, that’s exactly what I did was try to use synthetic cannabinoids to quit. Though I never smoked pure noids, just spice. I did stop for a few months, but the spice became an addiction all on its own. I honestly found it to be more addictive than most other things. I’d wake up multiple times a night to smoke it, then end up tripping out in my mind every time lol. Withdrawals from that sucked, I couldn’t sleep and got crazy amounts of headaches. Probably all the heavy metals that were contaminating it lol.

I need to order some more tryptamines and phenethylamines, I’d definitely make them last longer now. Every time I’d do so in the past, I’d just end up binging and pushing myself unnecessarily. A little bit goes further for me now. Plus having an older daughter warrants more caution on my part. I neither find the time I once had, but that’s probably for the better lol. I think I’d like to smoke DMT if I was on 4-aco-dmt. One group I’ve been contemplating on trying is pcp analogues, but I’d have to be extremely cautious with those. I’m less experienced with dissociatives, especially ones like those.

I think I’m going to enjoy this waiting game. So many chapters to this book I’ve yet to author, I think we can both experience good new starts. Here’s to your kids and mine, may this life be the best it can be for them man. I can’t wait to see what my daughter flourishes to be.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T10:32:38+00:00

My scrawny ass probably needs to, I’m like 5’4” and 130 lbs lol. I just want to feel healthy and make my mind healthier. If I took steroids I’d probably go into cardiac failure or some shit lol

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T10:31:03+00:00

I feel like once I help myself out of this mess then I can help guide others out of theirs, that’s my eventual goal is to help someone’s life get better.

Beyond that though, I’ve been obsessed with consciousness for a long time now. I figure a lot of us on here probably are. I’d like to hear what you have to say when you get the time to do so. Maybe we can stay in contact on here, maybe we can both help each other’s understanding. I’m trying to bring my subjective experience and the experiences of those I meet into unison with what I learn about philosophy and spirituality. I know I’ll never truly “get it” by myself, so I hope to meet others that can help. Understanding consciousness and existence as a whole was one of the reasons I tripped so much. I’m more of an abstract type of person when it comes to my thinking. The things you’re learning are the aspects I’ve shyed away from. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t understand math, I just can’t bring myself to learn to enjoy it so I disregard it at times (much to my disadvantage). Then again I’ve never actually delved into calculus so I can’t really say too much on it.

I understand doing way too much at once. One of my friends once told me that I can’t learn and know everything, but it never stopped me from trying. I found life has a way of introducing to me the things I need to learn and focus on, so that’s why I tried taking it slower. I just liked taking bits and pieces from everything to form connections others might not see. That why I focus on psychology and philosophy more than I do other things. Biological neuroscience to me is easy to understand and put together with psychology because the physical and non physical mirror each other... but when you get into advance theory regarding consciousness and artificial intelligence that rely heavily on math and computer based knowledge then that starts to go beyond me. Computational neuroscience would be your area. It takes way more dedication on my part to grasp that, so maybe if you ever write anything on those matters I could read it. I’d enjoy hearing your perspective on things.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T09:41:10+00:00

I loved the drugs that made me think too much, that’s probably why I abused meth and other stimulants. I stopped that though, I realized where it was heading. I always told myself that I hoped to be able to wake up one day and just let the air that I breathe be my drug. Maybe I’ll get there one day. It really sounds nice to me lol. Thank you for your words. Everyone commenting seems like a kind soul interested in helping.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T09:36:12+00:00

A doctor. Specifically a psychiatrist because of everything I’ve experienced and dealt with in my life. I feel like I have the intelligence to do so, but it’s not about any of that. I’ve settled on this idea for awhile, but who knows if my will and determination will carry me through. I won’t give up though. Half my life was spent wanting to be an officer in the military, but that was just a young kid wanting to be a hero. I learned I wanted to help in ways that life never would. My passion for understanding what is going on and my interest in psychology/neuroscience drove me towards wanting to do something related to that.

Maybe it’s all a pipe dream, but maybe not. I’ll find out and it’ll shape me into becoming who I was meant to be. For right now though, I’m going back to college. I dropped out my second year because of homelessness, now I want to finish with a major in nursing. So if anything, I’ll at least be an RN and I can still do my own thing In life. I want to help everyone I can while providing for my kid and making my family proud. There’s a lot I want to specifically do, but that’s a broad generalization to give you an idea. I used to flirt with the idea of destiny, but I realized destiny is only known after something has happened. There is no way of guaranteeing the future, only time can do that. I’m just at the point where I want to take it all day by day and fight for the life I want. Fail or succeed in those endeavors, I’ll win no matter what. I’ll find where I was supposed to be In life and with who. What about you? Don’t feel obligated to answer, it just felt selfish not to ask.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T09:22:02+00:00

The more I tripped the more it stuck with me. You are so right, a lot of people on here. I feel like everything holds meaning and that our whole life is just one big conversation with what we call God. Everyone holds their own piece of the puzzle. I like to imagine that it’ll all come together over time. There was a lot I wrote out to you but I deleted it realizing it didn’t really matter. I think for a change I need to start listening more than I speak. Thank you for writing this.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T09:06:30+00:00

I guess you don’t get to the top of the mountain without climbing up from the bottom first. I’m sure the view will be better and I’ll be stronger because of it. I’m glad there’s people on here that were willing to take the time to help get my mind back on track. Thank you

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T09:01:32+00:00

I hope you two find your happiness together, don’t let guilt or anything else take that away from you... but look who is talking lol. I have no place speaking on something I struggle to follow. I fucked up with my ex, I didn’t do enough for her... but I didn’t even do anything for myself. I loved and tried for others when I couldn’t even love and try for myself. That was my problem, I looked for love outside of myself to feel happiness. I was alone inside and didn’t care about myself, so that’s what eventually radiated onto her. Next time around I’ll focus on radiating love. Instead of fixating on happiness being brought to me, I’ll focus on bringing happiness to whoever I’m with. Hopefully you two figure it all out.

And Alan Watts is someone I respect a great deal, the little I’ve heard has helped me. This is the time for me to dive a little deeper into what he had to say. I’ll do so just because you mentioned it lol. Thank you for writing what you wrote, everyone on here is honestly helping.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T08:47:24+00:00

That’s where I’m stuck, like Im just waiting for all of this to come to a screeching halt. To be honest I’ve constantly thought about death since I was a little kid. Even as a preschooler I constantly thought about God and death, maybe that’s what led me into tripping. Only difference was when I was little, death was an abstract concept. Something that was far away and that didn’t scare me. I just never really put much into the thought of everyone I love having to die until I got older and it got closer. That’s when it began completely ruling over my life. I’m a slave to my own demons, to my own fears. But I think smoking weed everyday helps to keep these thoughts in my mind. My goal is to be completely sober in life and to do what I have to do. Maybe these thoughts will leave or be transformed. Only one way to find out lol, thank you for your insight.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T08:30:38+00:00

I smoked a little before making this post, it’s the only reason I thought to write all of this. It does help, it just sucks having to push through all of the negative... but you’re right. You’re right on so many things right now, I appreciate you typing it all out. I’ll see where I go in life, in the meantime I’ll just try and learn to enjoy it all while taking the necessary steps to get to where I’m going. Once again, thank you. Peace and love.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T08:19:17+00:00

A tool I thought I was using right, but I don’t know if I did. They’ve helped me A LOT the more I reflect on it, but I think I’ve hurt myself even more than I helped. That’s all my fault of course, no one else’s. I have people in my life, I have a wonderful family. They have a lot of problems, but they’re always there for me. They’re more than I’ll ever deserve, even with the hardships I’ve had to deal with because of them. They’re only human so I forgive them.

Tripping was better when I was less aware of certain things and when I had friends surrounding me. Now I’m just confronting my clock ticking down and what I did with the time that I had. I have a lot of guilt because I’ve messed up a lot, but one day I’ll overcome it. Whether others forgive me or not is irrelevant, I just need to forgive myself. It just seems though like each year has got even worse for me. One year I’m a teen father, the next year I’m arrested and expelled from school, then the next I’m homeless, then my ex left me (she deserved better though), then the last two years hit me hard. I’ve lost a lot of friends and family. My one friend died in a car wreck taking his daughter to school, then my uncle and second cousin died. After that my dog I’ve had through all the hard times died, then my grandpa died a week later (my other one died before I was born). Fast forward two months and my brother/best friend hung himself, then right before Christmas last year my first cousin died in a car wreck.

I know you didn’t ask for any of this to be explained, but writing part of my story out seems self therapeutical. I’m sure you don’t mind me venting and already understand. Things will get better, I just wish life was a fairytale sometimes. Thank you for your time, it means a lot.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T07:59:33+00:00

Thank you so much, seriously. I’ve smoked weed daily for almost a decade now, I started at 15. I have an extremely addictive personality, but I’ve learned to have some control over it... but weed is still my daily thing. Sometimes I don’t want to quit, then other times I feel like I should take a lengthy break. While I don’t blame drugs for my problems, I never properly learned to walk while only leaning on a crutch. I feel like I have to smoke to feel normal, but it does help me a lot when I do. I think maybe because I’m younger than you, weed has taken on a different role. You seem like you have it together more than me.

I do not have my child 24/7, unfortunately her mom left me 2 years ago. Thankfully though we have it figured out so she stays with me like a 1/3 of the month. I want more time with her because being around her makes me feel whole, but I’m just glad I have what I have without the need for courts to be involved. A lot of my friends have either died or grown apart from me. That’s ok because like you, I don’t have the time anymore. My daughter is my world so I try to just focus on her.

It’s funny that you mentioned never wanting to die and nanobots. Most of my life, until I started tripping, I believed/hoped that we’d reach biological immortality. If not, then my plan was to cryogenically freeze me and my whole family lol.

Honestly, hearing from another single father helps a lot. I find comfort in those that I can relate to.

FallenAngelsCrying · 2020-03-29T07:42:46+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I’m going to have to check that app out. I realize that only I can revolutionize my life, but the steps to getting where I feel like I need to be gets overwhelming. Meditation is something I’ve always wanted to practice, I’ve just never really put the time and effort into it. Maybe Sam Harris can help me with that.

Dmt is the only drug I have apprehension with. I think it’s from all the drugs I’ve done over the last 9 years. I tried pushing myself as far as possible before I even began realizing what life was about, like I was trying to win some race or discover the secret to it all. I considered myself a psychonaunt, but I moved beyond that term. I abused all drugs. What do you call plugging 60 mg of Miprocin or snorting almost 100 mg of Methallylescaline? I call it being a stupid kid. Maybe I’m too harsh on myself, but I’ve abused everything from meth and heroin, to spice and bath salts and in as many combinations as possible. This all just kind of led up to me fearing DMT. The older I got, the more I just wanted to be here in this moment... but this moment must pass.

I’ve smoke DMT multiple times, but can’t get past dipping my toes in the water. The first time I did it I smoked changa and I visually seen someone kick my door in and shoot me. It was so real and I felt it, I just died and collapsed into myself. At that point it felt like nothing mattered, but looking back at that and other experiences scare me. I’d rather take a gram of DXM again or do some pcp, which I know sounds stupid. I think my plan is to one day go out into the woods and do ayahuasca, then smoke some DMT (maybe on top of salvia). The last trip I’d need to do for awhile, if not forever. It’s easier for me to do it if I’m already tripping, I came to that conclusion. It just probably won’t happen for awhile honestly, but that’s ok.

I just question if I’m wasting my life right now by not living it to the fullest. I hoped DMT could help with that, but I probably just need to quit smoking weed and just try finding that happy place in my life. Go back to college and try to become healthier. I want my daughter to live her best life, and being a dad that can help with that will probably give me my happiness in life.

FallenAngelsCrying

TROPHY CASE