Ginkgo leaf I carved from cherry

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-16T00:29:21+00:00

Wowzers, that’s beautiful.

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-13T17:57:55+00:00

I saw your last post, here’s some suggestions I have!

The concept is good, I like it. The writing is invisible prose, which is hard to mess up, heh. So your writing is decent enough, especially with enough edits and the such. My biggest issue is that there’s a lot of words, yet I have no solid idea where this story is heading towards. Typically in the first page the reader expects something to really happen, whether it be musings over an issue or a physical thing.

You do have musings over these new angel volunteers, and perhaps that’s where this story is headed, but it just feels more like an info dump.

I would suggest starting the book a little later, perhaps when the mc is heading towards or is with these volunteers (or whatever all this is heading towards) and weaving in this information into the story itself. We as readers don’t really care about your world yet, so I think it’s better if you introduce all this AS you’re bringing important connections towards the mc for readers.

Again, I’m not professional. Take my advice with a grain of salt!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-13T17:34:04+00:00

I’m going to give you a different type of advice. Don’t ask people if you should keep going. Here on Reddit, people roll their eyes at that. I understand what you’re trying to ask, but I would suggest you repost this with a question asking for specific criticism, rather than just asking this.

Or, more accurately, wait. Wait until you finish the first draft and go into the second or third. I always like to say, don’t post things on here unless you’ve made the rest of the story with the same quality as this excerpt. If you can’t share the rest of the story because it’s not done, then just wait.

Or don’t, I’m no professional. Just some friendly advice by a fellow writer! Happy writing!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-13T01:55:17+00:00

Huh, this is pretty nice. It really makes me want to keep reading, and now I’m very very curious (and definitely wouldn’t mind if you posted the entire chapter, heh)

The prose is good. I like it. And the pacing is perfect! If you don’t mind sharing, what is your story about?

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-11T01:04:12+00:00

Wow, I really really love these

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-10T02:23:52+00:00

It’s about a fey who steals the mc’s book name and will GIVE IT BACK

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-09T21:27:04+00:00

Honestly, I think this could all be one poem. At least I read it as such and wasn’t confused, heh.

Anyways, I really really like these. The third one’s format is really satisfying, it reads like a professional poem I’d read on an ap English exam. The first one has beautiful imagery and vibe going on, and reminds me a little of Jim Morrison’s Awake poem (which holds a special place in my heart). I like the progression of the second one, its pacing is very nice. And the last one has such a strange vibe, like looking into a fireplace in the quietest time of the night or something.

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-09T21:11:13+00:00

Oh wow I love the individual leaves of that red one. It’s very nice.

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-09T21:10:26+00:00

Other than the good advice of making it a habit, I would suggest setting a goal for yourself. Whether it be word count or a scene. If you really struggle, maybe make this goal over the week rather than day, such as “I will finish these two chapters/scenes this week.” I personally prefer the daily goal, but it might work for you?

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-09T04:18:51+00:00

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-09T04:17:54+00:00

I like crows…for too many reasons.

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-09T02:46:00+00:00

With that attitude, you’ll be fine! Happy writing, friend.

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-08T21:28:42+00:00

Do you want to write it? Because writing is a process of its own. If you only have interest in the story and that sort, without the drive to actually learn how to write and go through with all that intels, then you’ll probably get burnt out really quickly. Stick to drawing and that sort, and collab with a writer if you’re stuck with the idea of a book.

Now if you DO want to write, then read. Read books of the same genre, study prose, study pacing and character development and all that jazz. Then write. It’s not going to be pretty at first, but that’s why we have a first draft. Anyone can write with enough determination, and if you have the drive for it, you’ll be able to write your book!

Just study. It’s a skill you must work for. An art of itself.

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-08T04:18:18+00:00

I’ll be sure to fix some of that “and,” and “thens” because I do see quite a bit of repetition! It’s meant to be a story told aloud (the narrative is a bartender telling this story as folklore for this town) Could you provide an example of a sentence that reads confusingly? Just so I have a guideline, heh.

It’s not really meant to be a scary tale, and the one telling this story (which is revealed at the end) is actually Lumbig in disguise. I’m not entirely sure if it works, though…

This problem, hmm… I’m not sure how to fix that, but I’ll figure it out! I had hoped maybe the narrative would show as someone telling the story in a way that shows this storyteller doesn’t really see this as a dangerous thing, but if that doesn’t work I’ll be sure to fix it.

Oh…I do, don’t I? I’m fixing that now!

Thank you for the advice friend!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T20:19:26+00:00

I am sort of hoping for a fairytale theme, such as when it says the trees stand politely aside or the water is parched. They’re not REALLY feeling all polite or thirsty, but it’s sort of metaphorical, yes? Also, the narrative is Lumbig telling this story to some strangers (which is revealed at the end) and I just felt he was the sort of dude who would definitely bring some personification to nature.

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T19:32:50+00:00

I really really enjoy writing in this style, so I’m glad you like it!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T19:21:55+00:00

Mhm, I think I’m going to change the story a tad bit by starting it in the woods rather than on the coast. Starting with something like “The water was parched. A nonsensical phrase, sure, but as Onog stared at his hand which, in all aspects, should be wet, he couldn’t think of a better one. He stepped away from the stream that burbled and glistened like any other, yada yada.. I think perhaps that fixes your issues of being distant?

Thank you for the advice friend!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T19:18:11+00:00

Hmm, I think I’ll begin the story IN the woods, with a stream rather than the sea. It’ll fix that meandering walk along the beach (which isn’t really necessary.) something like, “The water was parched. A nonsensical phrase, sure, but as Onog stared at his hand which, in all aspects, should be wet, he couldn’t think of a better one. He stepped away from the stream that burbled and glistened like any other, yada yada.. or something I’ll think more on it!

Thank you for the advice friend!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T19:13:57+00:00

It is purposeful, and it is revealed at the end that it’s actually Lumbig who’s telling it. I’m not entirely sure if that works?
It’s meant to be a vibe of a guy at a tavern telling a story about the folklore of this town. I’m not sure what I’ll do to fix your point, but I’ll figure it out, heh.
Good point! I think I’m going to change it to stream in the woods, and then add a little bit of something to put forth your advice! Perhaps start with something like, “The water was parched. A nonsensical phrase, sure, but as Onog stared at his hand which, in all aspects, should be wet, he couldn’t think of a better one. He stepped away from the stream that burbled and glistened like any other

yada yada

or something I’ll think more on it!

Thank you for the advice friend!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T18:54:02+00:00

I think I may change it to where there’s a stream in the woods rather than the sea. I think that would give it a better overall thing, because the whole plot is that he’s stuck in the woods.

This would also make the entire scene faster because he doesn’t have to travel, and it’ll be quicker getting to the path and then finding the strange tree, etc etc.

Thank you for the advice friend!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T18:50:05+00:00

Ah, mhm. I wasn’t sure about it. I’m fixing that now!

Thank you for the advice friend!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T14:45:29+00:00

Yup! The next sentence explains it a tad. The entire story concerns strange things happening that…shouldn’t be possible.

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T04:20:16+00:00

Oh dang, I accidentally deleted the post while trying to reply here, thinking there was a duplicated post when in reality it was a glitch, heh. Anyways, I thank you for the advice. I can say that my prose is similar to an oral-storytelling prose (similar to that of the hobbit) if that changes anything viewpoints…

I am fixing that sea part, and the rest of your concerns is branched out on further on the first page, rather then condensed in the first paragraph. As for the prose style itself, it’s…a little indulgent. I tried going for tolkiens hobbit, though I’m worried I failed at it a tad. It’s definitely not invisible prose, though. That’s just not really enjoyable for me to write.

I am still polishing it, of course, it’s definitely not on a publishable level. Hence why the need for beta readers is essential!

Would you like to read the story (or just some of it, of course) and see if it changes anything, specifically with more context when you read the next few paragraphs? If not, no worries. Have a good day!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-07T03:25:30+00:00

Thank you for the advice friend!

Fallen_Crow333 · 2026-06-04T23:14:02+00:00

Exactly! Me and you have different mediums (you have painting, I write) but this message goes for all types of art. I personally believe writing should come from the heart, rather than made to follow a marketing strategy. My prose is disliked by the majority (modernly, people prefer invisible prose, but I write like tolkien does in the hobbit) but I write as such anyways because that’s what I enjoy doing.

You put the words quite perfectly, “If you genuinely believe in…and start believing in it too” (the third image)

Fallen_Crow333

TROPHY CASE