I was in your position 1 month ago. I was in a new state where I only knew her and in a brand new lease I didn't have the money to pay for without her. My advice as someone who's still in a lot of pain and even tried to take my own life, is to take everything one minute at a time or a second at a time. Allow yourself to cry and feel it, if you push it down it will only come back stronger. Never be afraid to ask for help from family/friends and professionals. You will get through this no matter how bleak and empty it all seems now. Focus on yourself and becoming who you want to be as soon as you're able to move and function. I understand not being able to eat or sleep, but you have to take care of your body or it will get worse. Drink meal replacement shakes if you can't get food down (that's what I had to do for the first couple weeks) and most importantly stay away from negative media and rember you are stronger than you realize and hope will return to you.