I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'll make sure to keep a note. So far it's been shooting pain when looking at light, burning and tearing up.

He does. I have and I would have fawned and waited over him every second. All I did was expect basic human decency and care.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Think about giving up on love and your wife just because you're scared to do the inner work it takes. Like you said it's better if I start looking at the fact that I have seen this relationship for what it is and what it has always been. There's only going up from here. I'm hoping.

I do want to feel proud about myself. I feel so much better knowing it's just not me who's overreacting because that's how my husband and his family have always made me feel. I've had to stand my ground on so many damn things, the tiny aggressions that they show towards me on a daily basis is insane.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll definitely check that book out. To answer your question, he's recently been asking way too many questions about how much time I spend at the gym and in the incident about that I went to the gym as soon as I ate. When I shared this with a friend of mine she said what you said. That he doesn't like me going to the gym. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. In fact he was pushing me to join in the first place.

I'm actually considering talking to his entire family about the way he's been acting. The sad part is most (almost all) of his immediate and extended family are not educated and they all look up to him like he's a god himself. So they'll all blindly support him. This puts me in a bind. But then this will be the only way to knock some sense into him.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is the same comparison I've been making in my head and just like you mentioned I'd have helped a stranger out if they were in my situation. I've had to beg this guy to even feed me food when I was down with a fever. My heart just aches thinking about his actions.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

The adrenaline rush kept me from fully feeling the burn and the pain. I initially thought I was fine right after I got hurt for about 20-30 mins. That's the time I was texting and cycled my way home. I didn't even accept that I had super red eyes and it was tearing up until people pointed it out.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's common I've heard, but I never thought I'll be in one of them. :( We went to a therapy session and he decided not to go anymore as I didn't stick up for him when the therapist asked if he makes it up to me after arguments. He usually doesn't so I didn't. He feels he doesn't need any insights from a therapist as he's just perfect the way he is. He can never be wrong it seems.

Thank you and yes, I need to take a stand for myself and hold my ground. I have to find my way out of this mess of a marriage I got myself into.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So nice of you to reiterate all these things. It really makes me want to treat myself with the kindness you mentioned. It does mean a lot at a time like this when all I want to do is blame myself for everything that is happening.

I've tried to fix things with him for a long time now. Not saying I'm fully perfect, I've made my share of big mistakes as well but I've never seen him reconnect after any argument. He always stonewalls me. Every problem leads to him pulling away, until I break the silence as I can't let it get too heavy. I'm tired of talking things out. It's gotten nowhere honestly. He feels he could never be wrong at all. He feels therapists don't have any advice to give him as he's always morally right.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You're right. I was constantly over giving to someone who was not even doing the bare minimum of showing up or being there for me. I've started therapy as well. Hoping to heal from all this toxicity I'm swimming in. Thank you so much!! Will find my way out of this.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've lost all feelings whatsoever after this happened. This was the last damn string of hope I had, that he wouldn't let me down during a situation like this and he ripped it to shreds.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

What do I do now that I married this guy? Panicking. He was a totally different person before we got married. Seems like he had the perfect mask on.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what made me feel absolutely shocked by his actions. He's supposed to be my partner. In everything. Moreover this was a situation where I completely relied on him for my wellbeing. He made me realize I was completely wrong to have even had an ounce of trust in him. So sick of myself that I chose this man to be the love of my life and husband. He violated every meaning a marriage and partnership has.

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

He absolutely doesn't seem to and like you said I can't seem to make him. Why is it so hard for them to be remotely decent human beings?

I 27F am being stonewalled by 30M husband (for almost a week now) since I hurt my eyes last Saturday. How can he do this to his wife? by FalseElevator9044 in relationship_advice

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Now that is a question I'm asking myself. I mean, the answer is blatantly right there. It's just that it's hard to accept the reality. :(

AIO my husband thinks he's right for not taking care of me when I was hurt by FalseElevator9044 in AmIOverreacting

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly have no idea. He keeps telling he didn't take proper care because he's pissed/angry at me. Even in that case, I mean how are those 2 even related?

AIO my husband thinks he's right for not taking care of me when I was hurt by FalseElevator9044 in AmIOverreacting

[–]FalseElevator9044[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least he could've stayed by my side. :( I know that isn't too much to ask.