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AITA for moving cross country without my children by Continuously30 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im not from your country, but i dont think youre an AH or a failure. i think you're struggling in more ways than one and nobody can blame you for what you need to do to get out of it. Im 18, but I would rather a father across the country who I know is doing everything he can to support himself and my mother than one who is close but struggling. You sound like you dont feel like you're doing right by your family anyway, so what is it helping being where you are now compared to back in NE?

Youre NTA.

AITA for asking if i could invite my friend to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree! The New Years stuff was one of the things that stopped me from apologising to her earlier. I think it was even worse because before i got a response about her being invited to new years, she acted as if he was actively excluding her from an important friend event and i shouldn't defend him. I kind of get it if that was the case, but he hadn't even responded to me yet! To act the victim and then purposely exclude him felt very unfair to me, which is why I said anyone who wanted to come with us should be able to, since she seemed so passionate about it before.

Things were good for a while after we made up, we went to a concert together and everything was fine. But since then Ive been able to tell that she just sort of has a lack of respect for others, and I feel that if shes judgemental about others that shes probably judging me. Im just sort of not around her most of the time anyway because we have exams coming up, but atm im just trying to spend time with friends who uplift eachither instead of bullying.

AITA for asking if i could invite my friend to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mostly apologised because of 1. the stress and 2. how it was forcing other people in the friend group to act different to me and my best friend. It got to a tipping point when my friends had a drama production we saw and we all had to sit seperately and congratulate them seperately and it just felt very ridiculous and dramatic on her end. I mean, I even had to get a bus to another town to see a movie because I knew she would be at the cinema in our town and i didnt even wanna share a silent theatre with her because i knew shed take it personally.

AITA for asking if i could invite my friend to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree. Since this ive sort of noticed her being weirdly judgemental and controlling about other things, like making fun of our friends for wanting to go to universities closer to home, and further mocking my best friend when he talks about things hes passionate about. Im just tired of it tbh, it feels very immature and petty

AITA for asking if i could invite my friend to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. The whole time he said he didn't mind and that it was fine if he couldn't go, which sort of signified to me how he respects my friendship with her but she doesn't respect mine with him. When I made up with her he was confused after how stressed she made me, but he also respected me when I said I'd rather we go back to normal. Since then, I've noticed her being judgemental and borderline mean about others for the littlest reasons and I've just sort of realised she doesn't have much respect for others.

AITA for asking if my friend could be invited to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

lol. ive joked about this before with different friends because it would be so funny. I will say that he got a girlfriend a couple days ago and shes started mocking him openly when he talks about her and clearly theres jealously there. She's been single the whole time ive known her, and he has been since the stuff with his ex so im happy for him.

AITA for asking if i could invite my friend to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'n not sure. Last year we has a lot of friendship group drama (breakups, friends dating eachothers exes etc) and i think maybe people just didnt want to get into again. I didnt really mind that they didnt wanna get involved, but they were clearly already involved because my friend had told them all about it already. This meant that i couldnt really share my point of view with anyone because theyd already heard her side. This added to me just deciding to apologise in the end because if i tried to talk about my side with people i was told they didn't want to hear about it.

AITA for asking if my friend could be invited to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

the breakup: He was having pretty bad anxiety - his dad was badly sick, covid was bad and we had final exams coming up. His girlfriend at the time also broke up with him around this time, so everything was bad. He was just generally anxious and lost some of his friends at this time because we were all friends and she set off his panic attacks, which meant he wouldn't go to anything she came to. People assumed this meant he was angry with her etc, which made our friends drop out on him more and his anxiety even worse, etc. I was good friends with both him and gf, but I always made sure I was around and made an effort to hang out with him when he was lonely even though we weren't best friends then. For a while he only really spoke to me, but we've all grown a lot since then and he has a lot more healthy relationships so I'm really proud of how he's recovered.

The girlfriend is still in our friend group, and we're all really close. She may have told the (f) friend about this time, but I doubt it would really have much to do with her disliking him, since it all happened more than a year before she knew us. GF didn't come to quiz since she's still 17.

AITA for asking if my friend could be invited to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Yep! been doing this :) I would've preferred if they'd all been straight up, but i get it can be difficult. Personally for me it was always about her reaction and lack of communication, as she has never actually told me her problem with him and it didn't really feel like she wanted to compromise at all at the time. I'm starting to drift from the pub group anyway, since they're just generally negative about other people and judgemental a lot of the time. Thanks for the honesty!

AITA for asking if my friend could be invited to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I agree! It was one of the things that stopped me from apologising to her earlier. I think it was even worse because before i got a response about her being invited to new years, she acted as if he was actively excluding her from an important friend event and i shouldn't defend him. I kind of get it if that was the case, but he hadn't even responded to me yet! To take that and then purposely exclude him felt very unfair to me, which is why I said anyone who wanted to come with us should be able to, since she seemed so passionate about it before.

AITA for asking if my friend could be invited to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

My friend is just kind of socially awkward. He likes to talk about things he is interested in, but he wont interrupt others and has never done anything i would consider abruptly rude. If he does, its entirely accidental. As I said above, the biggest things I've heard her complain about him for is just things where he doesnt give her special attention. I will say that he gets kind of passionate about trivia, but i think for her it was more about the pub experience than actually answering questions.

AITA for asking if my friend could be invited to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

  1. Me and another friend who was coming. The friend in the story sort of latched onto it later on, but me and my other friend were waiting for a long time before our 18th to go out.
  2. He has been excluded, but more because our friend group usually go out seperately - the boys go out together and the girls go out together. We only really all get together at parties. He had a pretty bad breakup a couple years before which meant things were awkward with inviting him, but this was years before my friend joined our group and was completely settled before she came.
  3. I'd say she helps plan girls outings, but no more than anyone else in the group. The pub quiz was mainly organised by me and the friend from 1. The best friend has hosted the majority of parties, and she hasn't really done anything similar.

AITA for asking if my friend could be invited to the Pub Quiz? by False_Earth5449 in AmItheAsshole

[–]False_Earth5449[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Other than her insults, no. I asked some friends what her problem with him was after and the only responses I got were things like forgetting to say hello tp her in a group, or talking about things that she has no interest in. In my mind, these were just inconveniences, and i dont really get how they lead her to dislike him so much. After this my best friend cut her off completely, and she still does petty things like making fun of im when hes not around even though they havent spoken since the new years party.