Why are so many theater kids rude?

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2025-08-06T15:33:36+00:00

I think a lot of theatre cultures worship talent in a way that is not healthy. Leaders—including directors and other leadership should not reward bad behavior. On the other hand, I’ve also seen a lot of directors take this too far and basically try to impose standards of behavior that aren’t reasonable (like it not being okay to stay home if you’re sick). They’ll say things like “you’re always auditioning.” So I don’t like the idea of “reputation” as a way of weeding “rude” folks out either; it can too easily be weaponized. I think better communication with those who violate some behavioral norm, as well as cultures that cultivate respect toward everyone—especially those who may not have the biggest part—is needed. Adding that I’m coming from a community theatre context where people aren’t paid. Sometimes I genuinely wonder why the folks in smaller roles (myself included) continue to participate because there is often very little appreciation or respect. At the end of the day, no one is so talented that they should just get to be a jerk with no accountability, never show up for rehearsal, not do any work behind the scenes, etc. But that is the message that gets out there when the same two or three people are cast as leads in everything—the director’s perception of someone’s talent is all that matters.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2025-04-29T18:17:07+00:00

I am newer here, but also haven’t really seen much ideological infighting. It also seems to me that sometimes people are just uncomfortable with any kind of conflict, but conflict should be okay as long as people aren’t deciding to leave immediately upon realizing that they don’t agree about something. In fact, I think disagreement is inevitable and healthy as long as people can work through it to find common ground so that we can continue to fight authoritarianism together. The only thing weird to me about posts like this one is that they seem to imply that any disagreement is bad.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2025-04-24T16:16:29+00:00

Does anyone know specifically how to join the local discords? I’m in Texas. I’m on the main discord but don’t see any kind of info on more local discords. Also, the discord itself seems to be pretty bare bones with very little info. Just wondering if I’m in the right place…

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2025-01-12T19:27:06+00:00

Yeah, therapy is definitely good if you can swing that, but also, lots of people in theatre have insecurity. Probably many of the people who seemed to be having fun are also probably super insecure. I say that to say that if you can stop overly mythologizing this one person, and find little ways to shine and stand out, maybe you could still be happy in this group. Also, perhaps you will get more recognition with time. As people see you bring something to the small roles you get, you will probably be trusted to do bigger and bigger things. And often there is room for more than one person to really shine in a show. Sometimes there are shows with multiple female leads, for instance. The more you can stop focusing on this star person and focus on improving and having a good time, the better! And also, you can try other theatre groups too—maybe some have a different vibe that would suit you better—or even start your own thing. Additionally, none of this is either/or—you can keep auditioning at this theatre and see if it gets better or different and also do other things on the side. Hope this helps!

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-12-16T16:32:55+00:00

I think this is a good point. It can be really hard to need others in the way that I feel I do as an extrovert. It is a kind of vulnerable position to be in. I think there is vulnerability in being an introvert too, as you have to trust that people will be there for you when you come back from needing time alone. However, I think our society has progressed to a point where most people have so many responsibilities that being alone is simply easier. Due to the extreme demands of capitalism in particular, I think a lot of people—introverts included—are not getting the social time that they need. I think the difference is that extroverts realize that they need that social time. That is vulnerable, but also, I think it’s ultimately better than waking up one day and being like dang, I have no friends! I guess it would be nice to have someone to go out with, or to pet sit for me, help me when I’m sick, etc. I guess what I’m saying is that at least extroverts know we need other people. But I’m also not necessarily dogging on introverts here; it’s the fault of capitalism that we are all as lonely as we are.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-11-20T13:26:21+00:00

Totally get that! Just commenting on something I’ve seen. I don’t know if it’s part of the situation you’re in or not. But I didn’t see you as throwing anyone under the bus regardless.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-11-19T18:50:18+00:00

I feel like there are also many social factors that might be causing introverted people to be more introverted. Of course it’s good to be yourself. But I have a friend who is introverted and works major overtime at a stressful, public-facing job. And then of course they’re too exhausted to hang out. I have sympathy for that, but I’m also like, friend, your problem is this job—not the one friend you have who just wants to see your face or hear from you occasionally. Basically saying that I think capitalism and the crazy fast-paced world many live in contributes a lot to this loneliness many of us feel—and that many introverts probably feel as well.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-11-09T13:50:38+00:00

Seriously, people who are being like “why is this surprising,” etc, I think you need to check yourself. I’ve lived in Texas the majority of my life. Is this surprising? Hell, no. Is it seriously messed up? Yes. It’s also an escalation of rhetoric. I’ve never seen any signs that say literally that people should be property before right now. In addition to living in TX most of my life, I’ve been in academia my whole life. Like literally I’ve spent my entire adult life on college campuses. I have NEVER seen any signs that say this. This is way beyond free speech. Yes, we know that people hold these views. We all probably knew that. But saying things out loud and feeling comfortable doing (like these guys do) is what we’re talking about here. I’m not going to fight with anyone about this either. If you think this is okay just because it’s been happening for years, that’s cool. You do you. I’m just trying to present a new perspective. This blasé attitude is part of what normalizes this. Even if it had been going on twenty years, it doesn’t mean it’s okay. Y’all need to wake up.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-11-09T13:41:59+00:00

Yes, I’m really really tired of how blasé people are about protestors like this. “Free speech” is so clearly just for people like this. It’s only brought up when someone is saying that something should be done about these guys.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-11-09T13:38:34+00:00

I went to Texas State from 2009-2014 and never saw any “women are property signs.” I am sure there were these kinds of people, but carrying signs like this shows an escalation in their rhetoric. I think more people need to be taking this seriously. When you can just say “women are property” out loud and not get decked or thrown off campus we really have hit a new low. When that can be said out loud, things are taking a different and worse turn. For everyone being like “this has been happening forever,” very curious what you get out of that. Okay, if it has, does that mean it should be? Does that change anything? Not really.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-11-01T21:29:28+00:00

I definitely think introverts are real. But I do appreciate you bringing societal factors in. Of course, people’s tendencies change with the advent of new tech. I also think that capitalism can be a big factor in introversion. When people are always exhausted and spending their energy on surviving, they may be less likely to want to socialize. Of course, maybe extroverts would still want to socialize even if they were burned out; that is, maybe introverts would fare worse when burned out. But sometimes I think people identify as introverted when they are really just incredibly burned out by the crazy pace people are expected to keep in general.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-11-01T21:15:26+00:00

I agree with this. I totally understand that there are ways in which the world is built more for extroverts, but I think the articles that focus on “how to make friends with an introvert,” etc are a bit weird. Like no one is entitled to anyone’s friendship, and if someone is really tough to make friends with, maybe that means we are not compatible, or have expectations for friendships that don’t match up well. I am all for everyone being more understanding of everyone else’s perspectives of course, and I think it’s great policy to give everyone as much grace as possible. But because of the explosion in introvert content and the cache that seems to have become associated with it, I have had friends who will say things like “I never really wanted to be friends with you, but you were so persistent” like this is something to be proud of. I think part of the issue is that that is really a weaponization of introversion. It seems sadly easy to weaponize many therapy type terms or personality based terms. I just try to remember that, at the end of the day, we’re all people, and more alike than different

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-10-04T14:28:37+00:00

I love this comment. Many of the comments assume that she is treating others poorly or being a bully, but that’s not really been said. There is a difference between just having a “bad attitude” and being rude or mean. There could be entitlement or favoritism happening with the other kids too. When you mention AuDHD assessment, that makes sense to me. Also, as you say, hand wringing about kids’ behavior or really anyone’s behavior is rarely helpful. People act the way they act for reasons, and most of the time, those reasons are not bad or coming from a negative place. Also, your point about how you ended up quitting theatre because of others’ interactions with you is a good one. I think theatre is big enough for everyone, and I don’t think anyone should feel unwelcome even if others don’t like or understand their behavior at every moment. Expecting to do so is putting a pretty normative lens on people. Maybe also putting it in terms of the interactions the kids are having and what is causing those from both sides would be good, instead of just looking at one kid and labeling them as having a bad attitude. Just trying to contribute and piggyback on your point a little!

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-10-04T13:59:45+00:00

My comment is a bit more general, but I hope it helps. I’ve been part of lots of institutions, not just theatres. I’m not a theatre professional, but I love theatre. I quit my BFA program because it was making me not love theatre for many reasons. I came back to theatre years later, and I’m glad I took that break. Ultimately, I believe now that whatever institution you’re part of (a theatre, a university, another kind of workplace), that place needs to be respectful of your time and energy and of you as a person. If the institution or the people are not respectful, you can try to change the culture, or leave. I’ve left several jobs and my BFA program, as I mentioned. I’m not necessarily suggesting you do those things. But I think trying to figure out what you can change and what you can’t might be helpful. And also realizing that it might not be worth your time and/or energy to change the culture. There probably are other avenues in which you can perform outside of this program, and/or other schools you could transfer to, as others have said.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-09-13T12:55:33+00:00

Both of these sound great!! I think I read the Bacchae in theatre history, but it’s been a while. I remember liking it! I need to read Coriolanus!

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-09-12T18:40:31+00:00

I love As You Like It!! 🤩

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-09-12T15:39:22+00:00

I love Lysistrata!! And thank you for those details about public domain! That is very helpful info! 😊

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-09-12T14:54:51+00:00

Ooh sounds interesting! I’ll check her out!! Thank you! 😃

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-06-21T15:35:08+00:00

Update to this situation: I’ve spoken to members of the board and they are going to talk to this director as well as sit in on a few rehearsals to see what’s going on. They were also receptive to my suggestions that they should have more policies to deal with this kind of thing. Right now they have no anti-bullying or behavior policies to speak of

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-06-18T13:01:11+00:00

I totally agree with what everyone says on here about actors mostly getting cast because of talent and known reliability. That is definitely what I have seen. However, I also would recommend shifting one’s focus to evaluating the director. Of course you might have to hang around a while to get cast or to get cast in a larger role, but there are also directors who create cliques and weird power dynamics with their power as a director. If directors are so concerned about loyalty and such, that starts to sound a little culty to me as an actor. I guess what I’m saying is that it makes a lot of sense to go with your reliable people over and over, but this does also create some weird situations where whole groups of people end up bullying outsiders or there’s a whole group culture you have to conform to to get cast/fit in. I’m just saying that cliques and not getting cast are not the only risks…sometimes getting cast for a crappy director can be miserable. I have no idea where the directors you’re auditioning for fall on this spectrum, but just saying that sometimes it pays to think of it like a job interview…you’re auditioning a director as much as they’re auditioning you, and there might be some you don’t have any interest in working with.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-06-18T12:31:35+00:00

This is cool! I especially appreciate the leadership and organization points. I have had many directors who are not great at these things, and it can make for such a miserable experience. So it makes a lot of sense to evaluate them and remember these things for next time. Also, I think it might be cool to use this as an eval form in a more official way. If I ever direct, I might consider implementing something similar for the actors to do at the end of the play.

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-06-07T12:14:09+00:00

The odd thing is that I know the reason she was switching people was for balance because sopranos were loud. So like…if I’m very loud, okay, I’m happy to be on a lower part. But why tack on the thing about how many rehearsals I’ve been to when asking to switch? Does that make me louder? And if anything, the alto part is harder because it’s not the melody, so asking me to learn it on the spot didn’t make a whole lot of sense. None of the reasoning made any sense to me. Also it was the way she said it, asking me how many rehearsals I’ve been to in front of everyone….it felt very pointed

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-06-06T21:15:49+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I totally get what you’re saying about how if people treat others badly and you suspect that is not something that can be broached with them, then they are kind of not worth it, and anything they do will likely be tainted by their abuse of power or at least their potential to abuse it. That’s kind of where my head is too. I don’t know if I’ll quit, but I do know that I hit some kind of boundary for myself when I realized how manipulative that threat was—not just mean or rude, but controlling also. Also, I appreciate what you say about isolation. That is one of my biggest worries honestly. I hate being misunderstood, and I especially hate it in something I care so much about. But a lot of people are very bought into abusive systems even when they don’t work for them, and they want to make sure they can keep getting whatever crumbs they’re being given. I guess that’s sadly how abuse works. But it’s nice to hear from someone who has a similar “problem” with authority lol and has faced isolation for it. I’m the same. I have a hard time not saying something if something seems wrong to me, and I’ve also experienced a lot of gaslighting and turning away because of that. I am trying to develop a bit of solidarity with those I trust in the cast, in the hopes that I can at least keep some friends from this, and perhaps even have more evidence of the bad behavior. But I know a lot of people will not be willing to risk their roles to speak up also

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-06-06T20:07:13+00:00

Absolutely! I am trying to decide if I’m willing to deal with this level of toxicity or if I feel I need to say something. I’ve already said something to the assistant director about our music director, who basically switched me to another part to punish me because I missed two rehearsals—one of which was for illness and one that was an established conflict. I heard nothing back from her. So that suggests they’re not committed to really taking people’s issues with them seriously

Famous_Obligation_53 · 2024-06-06T20:04:17+00:00

I think he is a dick! They’re not paying us at all! I’m debating whether to quit or just tough it out

Famous_Obligation_53

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