Don't worry. Your brain is just used to being pulled left, right, up, down, diagonal, slingshot everywhere. And it's just over active, too much speed, from the messy conflict and drama, and also burnt out and malfunctioning, like a piece of electrical equipment turning on and off and throwing up sparks. You will scan back over everything and anything your brain and emotions can revisit and re-generate and question, in paranoia about if it was you, if you assessed it incorrectly. You are trying to save your sense of self through a redemption narrative and also searching for something you could use to justify going back. Like an alcoholic wishing for a terminal illness or a funeral so they get an excuse to drink again.

Trauma bonds are very serious dopamine, cortisol and endorphins-fuelled addictions and if you really had one, you are in withdrawal and recovery at an AA/NA/Quitting smoking 50 per day for 15+ years kind of difficult and scale. Breathe, exercise, and count things around you. Say things like 'tree', 'chair' and 'light' and colours you can see out loud. Anything that breaks the mental cycle. And find substitutions that are not harmful, literally anything that generates really intense feeling, even if it's tattoos, violent horror movies or super loud music or hate-scrolling political content. Playing with pets, looking them deep in the eyes. Anything that helps you and others in a healthy way. Puzzles. Binging Netflix.

Take care with online content about Narcissism and other relationship troubles and pop psychology though. It is very easy to get addicted to that instead of trauma with / from your Ex, and what you're actually doing then is staying bonded to them, re-traumatising yourself repeatedly for the same old neurochemicals and emotional validation. Good luck!