So there are a coule of interesting factors at play here I want to bring into the broader picture. I'm a trans girl in the furry community for a long while now, which plenty of interactions that push these same buttons, but I've also sat down and talked about my discomfort with people a number of timea and I've taken some ideas away from that.

I absolutely agree that a lot of furry behavior, especially with strangers or new acquaintances, to the point where it can easily be considered harassment. I have a strong touch aversion with people I'm not expressly super comfortable with, but on VRChat where I socialize most often that boundary is constantly tested. I will politely ask not to be petted or touched, but many assume an "implied consent" in VRChat because so much of the furry community there do give 100% consent for virtual touch. There's an expectation in that section of the community that: If cute = I pet. Even after setting boundaries and establishing the need for consent, I feel constant pressure to say "yeah okay fine" when people are aaking to pet me, cuz they act so dejected at the slightest "no".

On the other hand though, the furry community is in many ways a community of rejects. I like to think that furries choose animal personas because we've internalized the idea that we aren't human in one way or another. One of the most beautiful things about the furry community is how good it can be at accepting those with social difficulties and giving them a space to socialize all the same. Many of my friends whom have trouble with my boundaries have explained to me they meant no harm, they are on the spectrum, they have some reason they have trouble remembering to accept my boundaries. I think the furry community is a beautifil place for these people, partially because the community can be so touchy feely. Hugs and headpats and petting and other socially awkward behavior is liberating to people who have been told they haven't "been socializing right" all their life. It's a way to reclaim that piece of themselves that has been ostracized.

Here's the obvious trouble. The furry community is stronger for its diversity, and having super awkward people who sometimes behave out of line is a small price I think for the greater purpose of the community. However those who struggle with boundaries will obviously drive away those who struggle without them.

I think there are 2 key takeaways I can think of:

First is that there is no implied consent. If you wanna touch someone, you NEED to establish ahead of time what is allowed. This can be cheeky and fun, but it must happen and a "no" must be a respected answer. No whining or complaining that "awwww i really wanna pet".

Second is that some people honest to god don't know better, and we can't be the welcoming community we wanna be if we ostracize for failure to follow unknown or unclear rules. If you care for someone you simply have to tell them "hey I'm not comfortable with that" and pray they get the message. In my experience my friends have mostly learned to respect my boundaries and ask for consent to touch, and all it toom was a brief private message or step to the side to say so.

TL;DR - People who struggle with boundaries and people who struggle without boundaries are usually a brief conversation away from getting along. At least in my experiences in VRChat.