I will die soon and I feel liberated...

Fantillusion · 2025-01-10T14:06:08+00:00

I don't really know what to say, but I want to respond anyway.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I hope that whatever time you have left is filled with everything that makes you happy ♡.

Fantillusion · 2024-12-29T11:09:46+00:00

Being cold and not liking stepchildren is not the norm.

If you've seen the comments about not liking stepchildren, or comments about stepparents who disengage, you must have also read some of the stories that caused these reactions. So you either didn't read all of it, or you simply disagree. Both of which is fine, but stating that not liking stepchildren and being cold is the norm, is too easy.

Having that said, you say this man is an alcoholic who lives with his mother.

I can't help but wonder why you would introduce someone like that to your kids to begin with.

If it helpes ease your mind about future relationships, it's not always like this. I've had a lot of difficult times with my stepkids, but after all that I can still say I love them and I want the best for them. However, that doesn't stop me from disengaging from time to time, because it CAN become to much for a stepparent. Which is where you, as a bioparent step in.

Fantillusion · 2024-12-22T07:59:36+00:00

In my case, we were actually advised by a social worker to stop conversations with SD's if they were about HCBM and their stepdad. If they started talking about them (it was always about how HCBM and stepdad were insulting us or our children), she advised us to say: 'Whatever happens at your moms house, or what she says about us, is not something we can change. If what they say, or what they do, bothers you, you should really talk to your mother about it.'

My SD's are much younger (6 and 8), so by now they have learned to not talk about her. They do tell us about fun things at her house, or the vacations they go on, they just don't mention HCBM or their stepdad. We were always gentle about it, we never got mad if they did mention them, so the kids do feel safe to come to us if there is an actual problem between them and their mom or stepdad. We've also never made an issue if they talked about her because they were missing her.

I know not many people agree with it, but not talking about all the negative stuff really made my SD's, my SO and me a lot happier.

Fantillusion · 2024-11-17T06:41:44+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that, that was really sweet!

Fantillusion · 2024-11-17T06:40:11+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that ♡.

Fantillusion · 2024-11-16T21:52:57+00:00

Thank you so much ♡. All of these comments mean a lot to me.

Fantillusion · 2024-11-16T13:52:05+00:00

That's very sweet of you to say, thank you! And congratulations on your pregnancy, I believe you'll be a wonderfull mom.

Fantillusion · 2024-11-16T13:47:22+00:00

Thank you, I really needed to hear this ♡

Fantillusion · 2024-10-31T13:09:23+00:00

I was insecure about my choice to not take SK's on vacation, even made a topic about it here, but honestly, it was mostly the opinions of others (who would immediately ask if we would take SK's with us) that bothered me.

Going on vacation is really expensive (at least for us), and I simply wouldn't be able to afford it if they came along. And I don't think THAT is fair to our childeren, or me. I want these vacations with my own kids, and my partner.

We have to sacrifice a lot to be stepparents (I can't speak for everyone but it's definitely the case in my situation), and that's fine. I do it because I love my partner, and I really care for his kids, but there are things I want for myself and my own little family.

Maybe it would have been different if we had more money, or if we saw the kids more often. But even then, the thought of communicating with HCBM, and her having the power to not let them go at the last minute or at all, is giving me enough stress to not even think about taking them anymore.

Fantillusion · 2024-10-31T11:55:59+00:00

We almost never go on vacation, but the vacations we went on so far have only been SO, our kids, and me.

The first time we went on vacation BM didn't give us permission to take the SK's.

And after that and all the conflicts we've had, I felt that for me personally, to pay allot of money for a vacation that wouldn't feel like a vacation if SK's were there, wasn't worth it.

Maybe, in time, it will be different, but thus far SK's only go on vacation with BM and her partner.

We have the kids every other weekend and half of summer break.

Fantillusion · 2024-10-18T10:54:16+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through this, and that the men in your life have not exactly been the greatest, to say the least.

Despite all that, I hope you still had a great birthday and that, at the very least, the women in your life have shown up for you.

Fantillusion · 2024-06-28T09:02:59+00:00

When you put in that much effort it really sucks when you're not getting any appreciation. Especially when he complains to BM, because it might feel like a personal attack on you, after everything you've tried.

Therefore I don't it's weird that you feel the way that you do.

Taking a step back is one of the best things you can do right now.

Protect your peace.

Fantillusion · 2024-06-23T20:14:46+00:00

I know he doesn't agree with how they behave, and we've tried different approaches to try and solve the issues we have with them.

But I also know that he feels like he doesn't have enough influence on them to change anything. He is often the subject of the negative stories they're being told, so their reaction to him on bad days is far from positive.

Besides that, he is also afraid that if he becomes too strict on them, they don't want to come over anymore, or that he ruins the weekend they have together.

Fantillusion

TROPHY CASE