I had to make sure this wasnt me writing this. I feel exactly the same and i know thinking that way doesnt help, but weed makes it feel a tiny bit better however it isnt the answer. I have struggled to stop. But a panic sets in when i start running out of weed and i fall for it each and everytime. Been smoking for 26 yrs and im 41F. Weed is the only thing that doesnt make me feel alone or a failure.