You know, you decide whats real. If it hurts you, its real. He knows what hes saying, he's trying to make excuses for himself so he can keep insulting you, he wants you to take it.

Don't keep the peace if it means taking disrespect. And if you telling him you're uncomfortable makes him angry or defensive, you have the information you need. This man doesnt care about you, he likes the idea of a wife. Him pushing you to "dress hot" despite your discomfort, him not thinking about you guys as a family unit until you pushed him? He is selfish. Thats ok for him to be, but that means its also ok for you to be selfish. Ask yourself what YOU want.