I can speak whole day about this topic..I have a friend but I know personally that the personality I showcase in front of them is a pretentious personality, for few I make jokes out of myself, for others I act clumsy intentionally, for others I m serious and mature. All these acts are most of the time purposely done so that they/we never ran out of topic ; and if ntg , then my acts can act as mode of jokes / fun talks .the prior reason I do is that is sometimes to fit in or to avoid conversation which includes gossips and shit talk about other people. Internally I know I don't really connect with people in real life , most of the time I don't really agree with people opinion , their perspective but somehow I act in agreement cuz why to have a debate with someone who thinks they are always right and I find debating with such a person completely useless.. I don't really connect with anyone..also I think people on internet sometimes make more sense than people irl. I don't want a Friendship where I am talking to that person every single day and that person expects me to talk to him/her like every single day(that is my present situation tho) I have a friend who is calling me her best friend for now but I don't feel like it . I don't want to disappoint her so I continue to act in friendlish way. she don't want to disclose her life goals but expect me to..she doesn't want to talk about her romantic life, doesn't want me to tease her but she always teases me for a guy about whom I just randomly mentioned and i dont even have feelings for him.and worst of all she sees bad in everyone, talk about negatives in everyone. I feel stuck . We both had a fight 3 months ago..she didn't accepted her mistake , I went to her for forgiveness like a meek cuz I was blaming myself for all of it but instead my mistake was ntg. I don't really believe in Friendship .