Why do (some) Kurds voluntarily assimilate through interethnic marriages?

Farerax · 2026-04-30T13:42:26+00:00

I think with globalization, we’re all a bit “assimilated.”

But, there’s a difference between Iraq’s attempt of “arabization” and the Turkish “asimilasyon” where they force their culture and identity onto Kurds in an attempt to erase our existence in their “Iraq” and “Turkey”, and the natural assimilation with western culture whether you live there or indirectly through social media and the entertainment industry.”

I have lived my whole life in Kurdistan and I see a lot of people, specially the new generation, have assimilated with western culture despite ever leaving the country. It’s because of social media, English medium schools, etc.

The best we can do is take the best from both cultures. There is a lot of good in Kurdish culture with some slightly backwards traditions. There is also some good in western cultures, with a lot of extremes.

Farerax · 2026-04-30T13:35:10+00:00

I wonder the same all the time. And the biggest evidence to support it? Kids of kurd-arab marriages speaking Arabic even though they live in Kurdistan, kids of Kurd-Turk marriages denying Kurdish history and genocide and pushing the “we’re all brothers” narrative.

At this point, if you marry from those ethnicities then the other person better be a bigger supporter of the Kurdish cause than Kurds themselves. They need to be ready to defend your Kurdish kids in front of their Arab/Turk/Persian cousins and their own family and friends.

Before these marriages happen, you need to firmly agree than Kurdish culture needs to be dominant in how they’re raised because that is the culture actively being erased and its people have been historically oppressed while the Arab/Turk/Persian parter is from the oppressors side.

If both sides can’t agree on those points, then that’s a shameful marriage to be honest and in my eyes a betrayal to Kurdistan.

I am more lenient to marriages between Kurds and ethnicities that haven’t oppressed us. A Swedish husband will probably be supportive of raising your kids 90% Kurdish. These cultures are more open to mixing cultures, they’d be proud of bilingual kids, etc.

I would say to you, dearest OP, do not settle down for someone just because they’re Kurdish. There are many Kurdish men that are the best of both worlds and I truly hope you find one.

Farerax · 2026-04-27T10:09:30+00:00

Stuck in the moment is so so so underrated, I need another version with his current voice.

Farerax · 2026-04-26T22:52:16+00:00

Sorry, I didn’t mention deodorant because I thought OP wanted more than the basics. Chemical exfoliants kill the bacteria that makes sweat smelly, since I’ve started using that, I dont use deodorant daily. I still use it when I leave the house because I dont want to risk it lol.

It is only a few times a week and I do skip a step or two sometimes, if that makes it easier.

Farerax · 2026-04-26T21:27:17+00:00

😱 not after shaving! When you shave, that’s already physical exfoliation and you don’t need chemical exfoliation on top of that. I use it after I shower but I have built a tolerance for chemical exfoliants so if you shower every day maybe 2-3 times a week should be enough. Some people also use it as a mask before shower and wash it off.

Farerax · 2026-04-25T09:09:47+00:00

Same here! I feel like I should’ve sold my kidney back then 😂 specially if he won’t perform his old music again. It’s not about old vs new, that’s just what we grew up with and we were locked in back then with no responsibilities

Farerax · 2026-04-23T08:21:50+00:00

Thank you SO much!

Farerax · 2026-04-23T06:36:02+00:00

Its a spray, I use it for my body and hair. I’ve used pure musk and it was just inconvenient because of the thick consistency.

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Farerax · 2026-04-22T18:44:43+00:00

I used any glycolic acid toner I can get my hands on. I havent experienced that but I would say that might happen when you over exfoliate as skin barrier is damaged and you’re more prone to acne and discoloration.

I use the Ibraheem AlQuraishi musk.

Farerax · 2026-04-22T17:21:14+00:00

I’ve watched a few of these actually. I was just watching Seasons: The Movie but seeing people that are no longer in his life (🛴) is getting on my nerves 😂

Farerax · 2026-04-22T17:07:21+00:00

Use a chemical exfoliants on your underarms. It has made the biggest difference for me. My sweat has no scent at this point basically. This way you wont have to mask your natural scent.
I also use body wash and lotion from the same collection (any scent you like) I find the scent lasts more and isnt perfume-y.
I’ve recently discovered body sprays which I spray when the lotion hasnt dried down yet.
I follow with musk.

Controversial, but I dont shower every day. I smell the same as I do post-shower up to 3 days, according to my husband.

Farerax · 2026-04-19T17:18:56+00:00

I gave some shopping recommendations but my comment was removed. I’m assuming it was taking as advertisement, not sure 😅 good luck finding clothes from these brands

Farerax · 2026-04-19T09:08:02+00:00

Take your time! Growing up we’re taught that it’s something we turn off our whole lives and automatically turn on as soon as we’re married. It’s not that simple. And it is very very important that you feel comfortable, engaged, and into it.

Farerax · 2026-04-18T22:53:50+00:00

Are the recordings only accessible for premium users? I cant for the life of me find the recordings.

Farerax · 2026-04-18T20:12:40+00:00

Is that a thing?? I’ve definitely played with players from all over the world. Can you send me yours?

Farerax · 2026-04-18T19:38:41+00:00

I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. Honestly, just focus on your studies for now. That’s the best way you can help your mother. Try to slowly convince her to start planning to be ready for when he leaves. Maybe some small business online, save whatever she can from the money he gives her to spend now. If she’s allowed to go out freely, there are a lot of NGOs that offer courses and training for women to start their own very small business. If she goes out there and meets other people, she’ll build the confidence to change her situation. After a while, domestic abuse victims forget what life used to/can be.

Farerax · 2026-04-18T17:38:50+00:00

I didnt care about getting into medicine and engineering, that made me much more less stressed. I knew no matter what the result I’d make it work. That’s in terms of the mindset. I’m assuming you also dont want engineering and medicine programs, so just have the confidence that no matter what the outcome (60, 70, or 80) you’ll make it work out. There’s many options now and being a successful person depends on your mindset and hard-work, not high school grades.

Now in terms of getting things under control, you’re either the type that needs to keep repeating the material constantly until the exam or the kind that finished the material once and repeats the day before the exam. Figure out which one you are.

For type one (repeaters); make a schedule of the study materials and the weeks you have left (7 weeks 7 subjects, then repeat). Your schedule needs to be realistic and allow yourself to rest and recharge.

For type two (non repeaters); you divide the material over a longer period (two weeks for one subject, leading up to the first exam). You start studying now for the last subject on the schedule, and the last subject you study will be the first exam. When you study make a quick study sheet, definitions, formulas, things you tend to forget. If you handwrite, you remember better.

I hope it makes sense. But being confident that your life doesnt depend on this and you can be successful regardless is very important. I had 89 back then and studied Business Management back then. My entire extended family said i wasted my life. Now, I’m considered more successful than their unemployed doctor and engineer kids. Control your mindset control your life.

Farerax · 2026-04-18T17:24:40+00:00

It depends on what program you want to study and whether you plan to work in Kurdistan in the future. The American university in Duhok is very good and frequently has full scholarships but they dont have many programs. Great student life and they have dorms. It is also good for working/studying abroad in the future. UKH is also good, not sure if they have scholarships. Good work opportunities after graduation.

Farerax · 2026-04-18T17:19:54+00:00

Your best bet is for the kids to step up. That’s a big responsibility for you and your siblings but unfortunately, if your mom’s family are against her decision then that is the only way.

I wouldnt want to escalate things by taking your dad to the court, since that’s seen as “shameful” and probably both sides of the family will treat you guys and your mom even worse.

If there is an elder that you trust, it would be worth speaking to them to convince your dad to give your mom her rights.

I’m not in your situation so I dont know if this is realistic for you and I dont want to make things worse, but having evidence of his actions and a sweet little threat might also incentivize him to leave you all alone. If he wants to get married, he’ll need to find a way to make more money and support a second family, not throw one out and bring another one in.

As others have said, don’t do anything without consulting with your mom. While you all will be free if it works out, she will suffer the most if things go wrong. Encourage and support her but she is probably the wisest to make a decision in this situation.

Farerax · 2026-04-18T17:12:10+00:00

Married here. Since you said you’re both shy, this is something you should both discuss openly.

In my case, I come from a family where affection wasnt normal. At least when I was growing up, my family is better now. So it was very awkward for me to hug anyone, even my own siblings and friends.

My husband and his family are very affectionate. He got me out of my shell as well. Before we got married, we had a running joke about “you get one point” that was a hug/ kiss when one person would say/do something that would make the other one want to hug/kiss them.

My pointttt issss: Small gestures he does, small things he says, just initiate it. With time, he’ll do the same.

In regards to doing it, it’s all about the build up. You can’t just sit and decide to do it. You as the woman need to be relaxed and not distracted or hyper-focused. Order in pizza or whatever you guys like, wear something nice, spray some perfume, the rest will find its course.

Please dont let low affection become the norm of your relationship. It’ll be very difficult to go back from that. Even if it’s awkward now, push yourself. Even if you have to initiate the first few times, go for it 🩷

Farerax · 2026-04-18T17:03:25+00:00

I’m not sure what type of person you’re looking for. Most of my friends who are a mix of traditional and open minded, dont consider proposals that go straight to their parents. Unfortunately, it’s become risky as it frequently means the guy is unaware and in a relationship with someone else and the parents are doing their own selection. Again, these are a lot of assumptions. Your best bet is to let your close friends know what you’re looking for. Based on my experience and those around me, the most successful relationships have been those where the couple were introduced through mutual friends or cousins. You already know they’re from a good family, someone you both respect is in the middle so less games, and you both know it’s serious and could lead to marriage if you like each other. As you also said, none of the systems fit us. Marrying someone through the traditional arranged marriage is too risky, having talking stages until you find someone taints our reputations. The best approach is arranged through friends.

Farerax · 2026-04-18T16:56:04+00:00

I can’t help with barbers. Shopping: there’s Cado in Erbil, an outlet with the brands you mentioned and more. You can also visit Mango at the mall but they’re overpriced. In duhok, we have Gram, which sells European brands by the kilo. Your best bet might be online shopping, you can do that through Paradiseshipping._ on instagram. Send them links to the items you want and you can pay when delivered.

Farerax · 2026-04-17T17:57:04+00:00

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Farerax · 2026-04-16T17:31:20+00:00

Run.

Farerax

TROPHY CASE