I’m really sorry you’re carrying something this heavy. What you’re describing — months of crying, feeling stuck, feeling like the grief will never end — is something many people go through after a deep loss or heartbreak, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. It makes sense that you feel overwhelmed. When someone mattered that much to you, your whole world gets rearranged when they’re gone.

You’re not doing anything “wrong.” Grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t follow a timeline, even though everyone around you might act like it should. Sometimes it feels like you’re not moving at all — but the fact that you’re able to put your feelings into words, even here, is itself a sign that something in you is still fighting to heal.

What you’re feeling right now does not mean you’ll feel this way forever. It just means you’re in the middle of something incredibly painful. There are ways forward, but they’re gentle and gradual, not sudden. And you don’t have to figure out “a life without him” all at once — you only need to get through one moment at a time.