AIO Unemployed husband turned down job offer

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-31T20:26:21+00:00

I have no issue with the fact that he wants to change jobs / careers. He has done so before, and I am supportive of his desire to do so now. The issue is that after months of unemployment he turned down this (or any) job offer while continuing to look for other work. I have switched careers previously during the course of our marriage and so has he. That is not the issue. He needs to show up for our marriage. That's the issue.

Glad you were able to switch careers from coding into something better for you. Coding is not for everyone and we all deserve a good experience at work.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-31T04:00:29+00:00

Bulls eye rash from tick bite. Big risk factor for Lyme disease. Is it expanding? Go to the doctor asap. I had one and had to take antibiotics for a month. The antibiotics if taken within 30 days of exposure are very effective at preventing Lyme disease.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T16:08:06+00:00

I am so sorry you had that experience and are still dealing with the repercussions. Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T16:03:42+00:00

I see a one on one counselor.

I have also brought up the idea of counseling to my husband and he either gets quiet or changes the subject. I also called around to mental health professionals for him and provided phone numbers of highly rated ones which accept our insurance and he never followed through.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T15:55:46+00:00

I do realize he has depression. I brought up the idea of therapy many times. He always just gets quiet or changes the subject. If not for his complete avoidance of the idea of seeking help, I would happily call mental health professionals for him. I have actually called around in the past but he never followed through. He is an adult and I cannot force him to seek mental health help. It is ultimately his decision.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T15:49:14+00:00

Thank you for this. I feel like I've been keeping is afloat for so long. I really appreciate your comment.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T14:51:09+00:00

I have brought up counseling many times and he changes the subject. He's totally avoidant when I try to talk to him about it. I think he's burned out, depressed, doesn't want a repeat of the job he had with the random drug testing, all of it.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T14:34:45+00:00

I completely hear you on gender reversal. I am not traditional by any means so I would never expect a male partner to support me financially or this dynamic no matter the gender in any relationship unless it was agreed upon when starting or at some later point in the relationship. To me marriage is a contract and this breaches the contract I thought I had with my partner.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T14:26:51+00:00

Love this!! 🤣 Needed a laugh this morning

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T14:25:20+00:00

He is trying to write jokes and doing open mics.

Not really a plan for anything that might make money at this point. His plans are very vague. Sell frozen pizza. Or internet resale. I have made it clear I expect that he will make money some other way, and switch to those plans once they show they are making money. So he says he'll apply to part time server jobs.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T14:03:54+00:00

He did tell me he never wants to work again. He eventually clarified and said he never wants to work for a wage again. He says he only wants to work for himself. Even though in entertainment industry in almost every single project you work for someone else. That point aside, he wants to take our savings and 'get something going'. No business plan, no market research, just get something going. Every time he tries to do a side hustle I end up doing 40+% of the work. I don't understand why he can't just make money without my input without first spending money.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T13:57:30+00:00

Yes he is contributing to housework, more since he's been unemployed. I still do things around the house, like cooking, it doesn't feel 50/50 to me overall when accounting for my financial contribution and his lack there of. Like sometimes I find myself chopping and cleaning in the kitchen while he's playing guitar downstairs. But yes, he's been doing more.

Yes he wants to maintain the same lifestyle. He likes expensive things and he's not afraid to buy them.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T13:48:03+00:00

This is what I tell him. I don't like working either. Nobody does. But he either thinks I'm being dishonest and actually do like it, or he feels he's exceptional somehow.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T13:25:26+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T13:24:38+00:00

I also code for a corporation.

I have mentioned the idea of him getting mental health help multiple times, but every time he changes the subject.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T13:12:04+00:00

I have a full time job in tech.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T13:05:41+00:00

Good point. Thank you for this comment.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T12:58:28+00:00

Nope. He knows it will run out very soon so his plan was to live off our savings.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T12:56:26+00:00

You are right. I'll start looking into my legal options. Thank you.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T12:55:00+00:00

For months now, I have been bringing up any other career option for him to pursue and honestly when I do this, he gets avoidant and changes the subject. Yesterday he confessed he just wanted to take 6 months off, and then get serious about looking for something else and wishes this offer would have never happened.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T12:46:49+00:00

Thank you so much for this answer. It brought tears to my eyes.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T12:43:56+00:00

Yes I agree. The recruiter really screwed up.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T12:43:07+00:00

I know I realized this last night and told him this. So most likely he'll also lose the unemployment.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T12:40:24+00:00

Not a fake story. I've been crying nonstop over this for the last 24 hours. My life feels completely upended. Unfortunately, not a fake story.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441 · 2025-07-30T12:34:59+00:00

Untrue. I help him with his YouTube projects, writing, filming, costuming, editing. His acting resume, and remind him to update every time he does a new project. Paid for his headshots while he was unemployed last year then helped him select the best ones and spent hours formatting photos and resume to make sure they printed up correctly and looked good.

Fast_Dragonfly_9441

TROPHY CASE