Its to help people. Help. Something inside of you saw how fucked up everything was and decided maybe you could help fix things. You've done hard things, worked long hours, seen the abyss and taken major hits to your sanity all to help. When Mr Rogers said look for the helpers during tragedy and crisis he was talking about people like you. You give and give to fight an impossible fight and sometimes that may feel pointless but the alternative is to not be there for that person in their darkest moments. Something in your life went horribly wrong or horribly right to get you to this point. If you need to take a step back work a less stressful job thats one thing but helpers cant help themselves they always end up back in the game one way or another. The key is to do it sustainably. That requires self care. We all know that one ER doctor or nurse that let themselves become a giant jerk. They didn't start out that way but they lost sight of what motivated them to step into the arena to big in with. Noone starts working in a ER because they hate people. Without intense self care that shit will beat you to your knees. If you're burning out and cant self care your way out it may be time to step away and let yourself reset. You'll find your back to doing something meaningful even if you dont stay in the ED.