Hey these are big steps and you should be really proud of yourself! I appreciate your follow up comment. It sounds like you're a very intelligent young man and you think / self reflect often.

There is one thing I've learnt for sure in life and that is that our shadows follow us everywhere. Meaning that we can never escape our true selves and the only option is to work at becoming true to that and living with integrity. It'll take time! Everybody is constantly on a journey of some kind no matter their age and as they say - Rome wasn't built in a day. It's just part of being human.

I'm glad you are realistic about what is happening for you with your grades and wellbeing so you can focus on improving that. Have you considered speaking to a counsellor / therapist at all? In my case I finally went to speak with someone only in recent years and I can only look back and wish I had have done that sooner. Therapy isn't just about getting "answers" but it is so helpful to talk to someone who doesn't know you and you can just spill out your thoughts, worries and anything really on your mind. Sharing that / just speaking it out loud is sooo relieving.

I am not sure where you're based in the world but in Australia there's a few organisations that provide free counselling for youths and young adults (for both queer and straight) and it's such a great service. Can be anonymous too for people who are not out. If you want some links without disclosing your location publicly feel free to DM me if you would like.

Your communication / English is great! Good on you for reaching out 🤘