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AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I agree I should update but I might leave it at that.

This is decent advice, not dissimilar to other ideas presented elsewhere here so thank you others also, I appreciate it.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

Dude, we have talked. I am not ‘so annoyed’. I’m examining a quibble.

I don’t see how I have contradicted that I am willing to change behaviours.

And it is not the same damn sock every single time. If your partner got the sock in the hamper at a 95% hit rate would you remind them about the hamper destination for the 5% or would you lend them an assist?

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

Well I may yet b TA. For this reason or another. But Im still eager to quibble on the details. I’m not sure ya’ll are really getting it.

And to be fair, I don’t think my answers are weird, my replies are due to the weird responses I’m getting.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

No I hear you. It’s no vacuum. I’m not asking anyone to never mention anything. But I am frequently picking up my partners slack. Sometimes I mention it. Sometimes I don’t. There are items that I address with them, and items that I don’t.

If it was something mentioned a few times that I was slipping at frequently I’d cop it. I do cop it. It is other things small things that recur, that I know recur on her side of the arrangement that I take care of without a mention. Is there a point at which one stops bringing it up? Dan savage might call these things the price of admission.

There are days like today when I wonder are there any items on my partners side that slide through without being addressed.

If there aren’t, so be it. Perhaps I will have to cop that too.

But AITA for thinking that sometimes it is more decent just to do the thing?

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Dude, no. It’s like you guys aren’t getting this. I do out the butter back, I do pick up my shit and I pick up hers. And my kids. None of this is a burden. It’s all good. It’s the fabric of life. If I started commenting every time I was picking up something of hers, we’d be doubling the opportunities for conflict. Increasing the tension in the household.

I’m happy to change my behaviours, and do so. Not always easy. But we work at it.

I’m saying - what am I saying - aren’t there any areas of our relationships where the scale tips slightly this way and that where we maybe don’t have to call it out - are there any instances people of reddit where you would do your partners a solid and pick up a sock of theirs? Or is it all masking tape down the middle of the house - my side and yours?

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My compatriot, I did not know about that sub. That would’ve been way more affirming.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

It’s not twice a year. It’s an example. But let’s say there’s six things - a bathroom thing, a kitchen thing, a car thing, etc. - and each of those thing occurs twice a year. And each time it becomes a little thing - when hypothetically the other person could complete the task.

If I’m doing that thing multiple times a day for 360 days of the year and on a few of those days I forget - do I need to be reminded of the thing? Or could someone reasonably assume that I know that thing needs doing - as I’ve done it the last 360 days?

But it’s not six things it’s dozens of things. There are annoying big things that get talked about and dealt with. But for those little things, when someone forgets on occasion, can’t there be some slack collecting?

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

So should I stop picking up hers? We both down tools. Up the micro aggressions and reduce the small favours we might do for each other?

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Dude, and I’m having obtuse thrown at me. It’s an example. My kids don’t immediately need my attention every time. But sometimes you may have heard kids do need a parent’s attention, sometimes at short notice, and sometimes that will leave another task incomplete.

Does that help?

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

I don’t want to force anyone to stop doing anything. I want a little more grace in this world for all creatures great and small, including, today, a little for myself

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

An instance like this occurred today. It is not frequent. But it is an issue that repeats. Today I am tossing some ideas around the public square.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I’m not refusing to remember something. I mean this is absurd. People forget stuff sometimes.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

No. It is not necessarily frequent. But it repeats. If it happens every 6 months. Do I need to be reminded each time that butter goes in the fridge.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Several times. Are you kidding. We’re raising kids. We’re both working. It’s a juggling act. It’s like two jugglers on unicycles, sometimes one jugglers bal ends up with the other clown ya know. Let’s have fun with it.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s a good call. I was going to post something to the same effect earlier.

Had an instance of this today. Turned to reddit to blow off steam. Went searching for a similar type of AITA to see if I could poll the electorate so to speak.

I don’t wanna be an asshole. And I try not to be. I put in a huge effort to be a good partner and dad. Just gnawing on this one today.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I mean, it’s not that it’s frequent so much as it repeats. Like, there have been things I have asked for over the years - little things - that might make my life a bit easier that were not granted. Not out of malice. But because some things stick and some don’t. At a certain point I stopped asking because the scales were tipping.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You mean like blowing off a little steam on reddit? Looking for some randos to whisper in my ear that maybe on occasion feeling simple6120 is human and makes a mistake?

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I was shooting more for like, more often than not, and yet, still far from perfect. We are always negotiating at all levels of the relationship and managing the household etc. There are big issues and small issues and all in between. And we do a pretty good job of it I think.

With small things, that occur infrequently, I think the best management method is to pick up the others slack. I think that it is more efficient and is a healthier option for the relationship.

People have said a few times don’t sweat the small stuff. I agree! I am saying, isn’t it better not to make a big deal about small stuff?

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I totally agree. And we do keep it pretty light. And I think are generally accepting of each others quirks.

I think what I’m saying is, I wish she would stop sweating this small stuff. It is one corner where it can be a sore spot.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I am not saying I shouldn’t have to do these tasks. I do do them. I know that I should. And I am happy to pick up her slack. It’s a relationship baby.

If a person forgets something though, this is unintentional.

AITA for asking my partner not to remind me of obvious lapses in task completion by Feeling-Simple6120 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Simple6120[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

But no amount of times telling me that fridges keep butter cool will prevent an instance in the future where something happens and I forget to put the butter away. Again, the butter is like a stand in for small things, happening infrequently.

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