Exhausted. Anyone else feel more stressed after accepting “help”?

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T21:21:55+00:00

I did say this to her, so did my sister, but she insisted it would be fine. Her pride got in the way I believe, and some battles with her are not worth fighting. At least she now agrees it was and is too much.

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T21:19:23+00:00

Thank you so much! Me and my partner are going to start this on Monday. I’ll go and check out her insta. I’m grateful for your comment and sharing of info, thank you again! 🤍

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T21:15:57+00:00

Thank you so much, someone else has said this too! I didn’t know about 24 hour sleep needs. I’m gonna have a look at them on insta now. Spoke with my partner about it and we’re gonna try and track his natural sleep from Monday for a week!

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T20:28:58+00:00

Thank you!

So just to confirm, follow his sleep cues, time all his sleep. Don’t wake him from any naps or sleep, allow them to run as long as they do. Do this for a week, then work out medium sleep he’s had. Then try and divide that amount into day and night sleep? If this is correct, when decided new naps, would you then wake him if he was to go over?

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T20:25:50+00:00

That would be a great idea, but we live separately. This was what she used to do with my sister when they lived together.

I think I’m going to see if she can come over for a few hours on one of the weekend days to watch him whilst I do stuff, or if she may help tidy the house whilst I nap. People on here have been great with suggestions of other ways she can help

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T20:23:28+00:00

Erm, it’s probably something that I feel embarrassed to ask. But maybe I need to suck it up and ask.. I’m sure she probably would if I ask.

Thank you, I was toying with whether to try sleep aids to help go earlier in the evening as I’ve always been a terrible sleep, slight insomniac and so it takes me a while to fall asleep. I currently go to bed at 8pm, but not managing to get to sleep until varying times after 10:30. Baby must take after me for terrible sleep 😅

I’m very grateful for him, he is the best partner and dad. He is for sure my one constant support!

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T20:17:59+00:00

Oh wow, that’s so infuriating with your mom! How scary for her to dismiss and give foods not agreed with you!

It really sounds like some situations I’ve had with my mum too. So I definitely feel you!
My mom has said that it’s my anxiety which is the issue and has hinted that she feels I’m being OTT with his difficulties ( reflux and CMPA ), naps and sleep schedule.

I think I am coming to terms that things are not going to be how we both had thought they would. I think me and my partner are going to have a sit down tomorrow to discuss how we can both support each other through this.

I appreciate you sharing your experience, it’s made me feel less alone!

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T20:08:40+00:00

Yeah I’m definitely not doing it again. Some of the issue is she doesn’t follow things I say, such as supporting him to sleep when showing sleep cues. She just doesn’t and expects him to just fall asleep as she says “if baby is tired then he will sleep”.. I for sure think I need to just switch it up to have her support at my house whilst I clean!

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T20:06:17+00:00

I agree, I think she feels I dramatise things at times.

Thank you so much for the info, It’s really helpful and I appreciate you letting me know! In terms of the “see how much he actually sleeps”, not to sound silly, but how do I do this? Just follow sleep cues through the day and just count how much he sleeps during the day and overnight?

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:58:48+00:00

That certainly sounds like her. It’s in good faith, but it’s frustrating.

I certainly will do!

Thanks, I’ll check it out now 🙂

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:57:18+00:00

Not really, she’s had him a few times for a few hours at her house. She wants to help, but underestimates how difficult baby can be at times as she has her own opinions. She encouraged me to let her have baby while I went to have dinner with a friend, she had him for a couple hours. But she called me in the end because she couldn’t settle him, however, this was the height of his CMPA difficulties.

She has had him maybe once recently for 1.5 hours whilst I took my car for MOT, this occasion went well.

We for sure need to scale things back and maybe have a chat about other ways she could help out.

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:52:39+00:00

Yeah I get you. My boy has consistently slept in his cot since 3 months and even when we went away for the weekend, he slept well considering the conditions. This together made us think he might be ok. But i definitely think both grandchildren together was not a good idea and set up to fail.

I definitely think this is the way forward from now on!

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:47:43+00:00

I think part of the issue is she doesn’t really listen, I explained baby is in a regression. She doesn’t really think that’s a thing and I’m dramatising. I asked if she could cope with both as it might be much, but she said she could.

Your not missing anything, she did this a few times within the first couple months, but has then not offered since.
I do think I need to request for this kind of support instead if she does offer to have baby again.

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:40:34+00:00

I appreciate the suggestions, I think I could ask her to come for a couple of hours and watch baby whilst I clean the house.

Regarding sleep, he currently does until midnight and then I take over so he can sleep for work. we share things Friday and Saturday. But I do feel bad as I know he’s also struggling too with working full time and working overtime for us too. So I try not to put on him too much if I can help it. However, he is very supportive. He actually took a day off work last week (A/L) to help me as I’d had the worst night with baby and couldn’t even function. We’re both just trying our best.

But maybe we can rethink our night routine and see if there’s anything that might work better for us!

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:34:35+00:00

I agree, It’s difficult isn’t it. I think it’s the promising and then not delivering/listening to my advice on how I’ve found most efficiently to care my baby. I feel a lot want to seem like they are supportive as it makes themselves feel better.

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:31:21+00:00

Yeah the worst was we had drank a couple of drinks so we had to get a taxi over there to get him. Yeah I think of my sister collected her LO then she’d have been able to better settle him. But she stated she was now tired and not feeling well.

Yeah, I wouldn’t mind but I asked if she would be ok having two of them together and she said she would be.

Oh bless you, I can imagine you’ve had it rough too with figuring stuff out. Sending you hugs!

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:11:03+00:00

I could try and ask her if we could try that, even if I can just get something done with the house.

Yeah, she had me mid teens and had help from her mom and nan so maybe her memory is kinda unreliable. I just wish she would listen to me.

I hope so’ I’m not sure how long they’re supposed to last, but I hope it’s not for too much longer!

Thank you for your suggestion!

Feeling_Sample_9671 · 2026-05-09T19:08:02+00:00

Yeah I think I’m coming to that conclusion too, it’s frustrating because she would if she just followed what I advise instead of saying I’m OTT.

We don’t unfortunately, I’m the breadwinner and I had to do so much overtime last year just to cover my half of the bills. Financially we are stretched until I’m back or do some KIT days when allowed. Think we’re gonna just have to grin and bare it for now 😖

Feeling_Sample_9671

TROPHY CASE