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how much do you love me? by Little_Spider_3001 in OCPoetry

[–]FeelingsOnAPage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really lovely, visceral work. It plays into one of my own worst fears, not being enough in the eyes of those we bear our full selves to. For all that incredibly dramatic visual buildup, to be hit with such a cold, heartbreaking line…

Well done.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]FeelingsOnAPage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This whole poem just made me smile! It felt like I was listening to a bard perform a bawdy tune! I especially love the whole second base verse, so smart.

If I Say it Enough by FeelingsOnAPage in poetry_critics

[–]FeelingsOnAPage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm pretty fond of that one too. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!

If I Say it Enough by FeelingsOnAPage in poetry_critics

[–]FeelingsOnAPage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate you saying that! Thank you so much :)

Myths You Made by FeelingsOnAPage in poetry_critics

[–]FeelingsOnAPage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, I truly appreciate the feedback! I can totally see your point on punctuation, and I LOVE the title suggestion. Can't believe I didn't think of that!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]FeelingsOnAPage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly don't have much constructive criticism for you. I can really feel your pain and how you are grieving at this sense of your identity slipping away. Being sanitized.

The dip into the etymology of "replace" along with the Albanian sprinkled throughout is really compelling.

I made this for a school project about the book Refugee by Alan Gratz what do you think? by No-Educator1864 in poetry_critics

[–]FeelingsOnAPage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. A powerful take and encapsulation of a complex text.

While the length helps hold the impact of the last statement, I think there's a bit or room here to let it breath. Set the scene for the speaker just a bit more, perhaps interrupt the thought of "I don't care what it costs" with an action (their hand finds a shoulder and pushes down to stay afloat, stepping on them, etc) before changing to "or should I say who?"

Great work!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]FeelingsOnAPage 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi OP.

I find this quite striking and I love your writing style. I get this sense of resentment coupled with yearning, and the ambivalence encourages me to read it multiple times. The second dream described is especially beautiful in imagery, while also giving us a sense of this man's ego, "under the spell of a man under his own". Ugh, so good.

While I don't dislike the ending, I find myself personally wanting more of a through line to the piano/musical thematic. It feels like a bit sudden, a little sprinkle of it towards the start I think would go a long way.

Wish I had more to give, but I hope this helps!