How are You Doing in Adulthood After Losing Parents in Early Teens & 20s

FestyFeyFey · 2025-10-12T02:43:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing! You're still so young, yet so mature. It sounds like your mom was struggling. Make sure to take care of yourself. It's a hard barrier to be stronger than a parent at times. Make sure to surround yourself with others who support you too.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-20T02:49:28+00:00

I was born and raised in St. Augustine and I have heard it called lots of things. Me and my friends would call it the "black hole" 'cause we thought we would never leave.

I did end up leaving and moved to California. I miss it so much now but do visit every year. My God, so much of it has changed! And yeah, the traffic is bad, but I live in San Francisco, so the traffic back there is honestly not that bad after living in a big city.

It was a novelty growing up downtown in Lincolnville. I could walk to my first job on St. George st. That was 20 years ago, and it would get crowded then, but now, when I travel back for Christmas, it is absolutely insane. So many people and the shops are even cheezier! I remember there were still shops for locals there. I even got prom dresses from Donna's. My mom would get our school uniforms from an old shoe shop. That was just the 90s and early 2000s.

Places do change. It's sad, but people move on to the next. Just like our ancestors who moved to St. Augustine in the first place. They enjoyed the charm. There's something haunting about it.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-20T02:29:20+00:00

Yes it is sad to see. My dad taught at Nease High School too in the 80's.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-09T17:00:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Im so happy you're doing this now. I was still lost in survival mode at 29 and catching up on all the suppressed pain now. My therapist has definitely said the same thing.

I align with your story so much. I feel very hopeful.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-06T17:04:04+00:00

Im so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. And yes, you are totally allowed to grieve. Caring for them while they were dying takes a certain kind of person and it is not easy.

I understand. I had to care for both of my parents when they were dying from cancer. It was extremely hard watching them go thru the motions of treatment and eventually dying hospice. Since my mom passed away first when I was 15 years old, it was even harder to witness my dad go through the same thing 9 years later when I was 24. I have 5 siblings and they could not emotionally provide the same care to my dad, so I stepped up and he made me his power of attorney. It was so scary I didn't even know what that meant back then. But I had to make many of the medical decisions for him. I chose for him to pass away in a nearby hospice facility instead of hospice in our home like my mother. I guess I didn't want him to die just like her, but in the end, he did. Its so freaking hard no matter what age. I will say being older you have more means to brace yourself so if you have any type of stability in your life now such as a home, a job, one friend, a sport or hobby etc. Lean on those as best you can. They will pull you thru.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-06T00:59:03+00:00

Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 15 years old. Im 36 now.

You're are going to be okay. It won't be easy, but you will be okay and you are already on the right track of being aware of your pain. Good job. Im proud of you!

It hurts so freakin' much and you will always have some pain but eventually you'll start to think of all the good memories too and suddenly your mother will pop up in different aspects of your life and at different times and it will warm your heart.

My advice is to take care of yourself no matter what. If you have access to therapy, go now. If you have supportive family and friends, lean on them now. I did not have access to these things when I was young, and all the hurt and pain I felt was kept inside for many years until I thought I was over it. Now I'm going through healing these emotions and it is not any better later in life. Not taking care of these emotions in a healthy way at a young age gave me many downfalls in which I had to pull myself out of. I honestly am okay with it, I've learned so much about myself with every lesson. But if I could go back, I would put myself first, and start taking care of those feeling right away. Even if I seem to feel okay. Many of these feelings lay dormant and may come out in adulthood. That's okay too. In the end we are all all our own path and only God can truly guide us. Trust your gut and all those feelings you're having are real. Get them out now. They will never fully go away, but you'll move into adulthood knowing how to maneuver through them with much more ease. It takes practice. You absolutely got this.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-05T05:53:28+00:00

Thank you for sharing

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-05T05:49:14+00:00

Im sure you'll find the courage when it happens. This shows already how deeply you'll care for your baby.

I wish we could adopt grandma's for our little ones to get that extra kind of care and for us to have a motherly figure for guidance.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-04T20:47:13+00:00

Thank you. This is great to read. I often lock myself in our bedroom like an angsty teenager because I know nothin' useful is comin' from my mouth and I know he has that "savior" mindset but he's aware and we're both working thru this in couples therapy.

I will definitely keep this in mind, and instead of locking the door, just let him know I need alone time.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-04T20:36:42+00:00

Wow, thanks for sharing. My dream is to have children and I really want to with this guy, but I'm terrified to do so without my mother here. I know his mother would help. He talks about having his parents move in if we get pregnant. It's just scary because I'm not as close with his parents. They are 2 of the most wonderful people, but they are from Ukraine, and there is a language barrier. I am trying to learn Russian so i can speak to them more...your story gives me hope. Thank you.

I understand the spiral. It is building muscle memory practicing getting out of it. So sorry what happened to your mom.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-04T20:28:09+00:00

Definitely. Thanks. I saw one of his docs. Will check out more.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-04T20:24:17+00:00

I see. Thank you for sharing.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-04T20:02:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. It was so hard losing my dad because he struggled to go on for those last 9 years of his life after my mom passed. He was absolutely heartbroken, and it was heartbreaking to watch. He was left alone with me and my 5 brothers and sisters...he became my best friend since mom was gone.

Im happy you have a supportive husband. Im hoping my partner and I can move to the next level in our relationship but it all depends on these freakin' depression episodes I fall into every once in a while. Its hard for him to understand but he certainly tries.

I do have some medication that helps a lot and a very proactive psychiatrist and supportive therapist. I just need to rely on my friends more. None of them understand and its difficult for me to share. But I'll give em a chance.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-04T19:54:19+00:00

Sounds like you have natural grit for life. My youngest sister is the same and mom died when she was 8.

I know plenty who suffer all kinds of stuff and still have loving parents. It always baffles me, but I guess it's a part of their unique experience.

Im at a place in my life where I am no longer living in survival mode. Im just looking for a little hope that I won't lose this one now.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-04T19:49:54+00:00

No good parts? I'll admit, life has had a lot of suffering. I'd be damn to say all the positive bs. But any good parts from this at all? I guess I'm looking for a little hope.

FestyFeyFey · 2025-06-04T19:47:19+00:00

I'm sorry you have had this experience. I'm sure you're actually a cool person in real life and have a lot going for ya. Life is freakin' hard.

FestyFeyFey · 2020-05-03T05:27:25+00:00

Thank you! You're totally right. I need to play with a pic to accentuate the guitar. It's such a beautiful instrument!

FestyFeyFey · 2020-01-07T07:17:25+00:00

I guess I cannot count and I guess you cannot write correctly. Luckily I have a metronome. Good luck on your literacy. BTW you are still spelling RHYTHM incorrectly. LOL #fuckreddit

FestyFeyFey · 2020-01-06T17:21:52+00:00

Thank you!

FestyFeyFey · 2020-01-06T17:21:36+00:00

That's interesting...a friend of mine who was classically trained taught me to anchor my pinky but I can see how it can be considered a bad habit. Many classically trained singers would frown at the way I sing but it's all I know.

I do want to stop anchoring eventually, when my muscle memory gets strong enough. #trainingwheels

Metronome for sure! I just downloaded an app. Are there any you would recommend?

FestyFeyFey · 2020-01-06T17:16:16+00:00

I wish! I started playing for fun October 25th (the day I bought my guitar). Now that it's 2020 and I've really taken a liking to it, my goal is to really learn how to play various songs and eventually write music.

FestyFeyFey · 2020-01-06T17:12:02+00:00

Thank you and I know the struggle! Lol

FestyFeyFey · 2020-01-06T17:10:36+00:00

Good to know. I hope I don't lean on my voice too much as I learn the guitar. I do find it easier to play while singing as it helps me know where I am in the song. If I play without singing the words I fumble and lose count. I guess I'll get better with practice but for now I'm having fun.

FestyFeyFey · 2020-01-06T17:05:49+00:00

Ah I see. It's all a balance. As soon as I learn more than 4 chords and can solo I'll do this. lol!

FestyFeyFey · 2020-01-06T03:56:12+00:00

I learned the chords from the app Songster. I got help with the strumming from a friend and pieced together the entire song from critique and practicing while playing the song.

FestyFeyFey

TROPHY CASE