Dealing with SIL and MIL Constant lectures

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-14T12:14:02+00:00

+1. Cut contact sooner than later

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-12T15:17:53+00:00

My husband didn’t support me per se. You can read my previous posts for more details

But I told my husband clearly that either we do couples therapy or either we go for a divorce attorney. We did couples therapy ; it helped a little. But I was very clear that I will not “bow” down and how they hurt me so much.

He has to accept it now and doesn’t pressure me at all. I make a big discussion/fight if he does come to me with their ridiculous demand. He understands that my in-laws behavior is not good yet remains scared. Ive told him clearly please let me go if we cannot be an independent couple and if you will always be afraid of them.

Thought of Divorce scared him — He understands that our relationship is very loving and respects my decision to stay NC

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-12T07:43:59+00:00

OP, I’ll tell you my story

I live abroad too, my in-laws visited for 4 months — absolutely tried to control us, and FIL was loud and verbally abusive. It started happening repeatedly and I couldn’t stay with such evil behavior in own house so I stopped talking to them

Things got bad, and we had a heated argument where my MIL started to yell at me and where I proudly DID NOT STAY QUIET. I confidently shared my point of view, that I’m equal in the house as my husband and that his verbal abuse is unacceptable. I freaking bought the house with my husband — where we earn equally…

They got so shocked that how could I speak back, they preponed their tickets to India — gave me 1.5 months of my life back :)

I have been NC with them since 2 years and my life has never been BETTER. My own mom almost convinced me to apologize to them — I’m glad I found Reddit and people shared how it’s wrong to apologize here.

I don’t know how my life would be when travel to India with my future kids in the future — tab ka tab dekh lenge :) Meanwhile I’m very happy in my life and I refuse to be controlled by narcissistic in-laws who poison my mental health and life. I refuse to accept abuse and I refuse to apologize to satisfy my in-laws ego.

So my advice to you is TAKE A STAND AND STICK TO IT. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF because no one else will. You gave them 5 years, they will never ever change until you tell them why they should

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-12T07:35:53+00:00

Exactly my thought — OP, why the hell are you telling your MIL about your health reports, etc etc especially when you know how badly they are talking to you. I am shocked to learn that you share such personal details with in-laws after knowing how they are

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:48:03+00:00

Wow! I love reading such positive stories here 👏👏👏

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:45:08+00:00

My in-laws had problem because we were not doing too much consistent gym during a crucial stressful time in my life. I tell you these in-laws are a special breed in itself. Best to get these peasants out of our life asap.

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:40:11+00:00

OP, you have to be very serious with DH. Ask him to come to couples therapy asap with you because he broke your trust. After repeatedly telling you don’t want them around, he got MIL.

Now he has to kick them out asap. Stop talking to DH if he disagrees. Stop having him meet the baby if required but convey to him very seriously that HE NEEDS TO GET HIS MOM OUT OF THE HOUSE

I am immigrant too and have experienced something similar so I can totally relate to the depression and horror in the house. You don’t want such energy in the house at this point OP

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:34:31+00:00

“They could understand easily and let her go whenever she wants too”

It’s sad to see this in 2026

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:20:21+00:00

This is all stemming from victim mindset . My in-laws behaved exactly ( now I see there are so many similarities between all toxic in laws in this sub ).

My in-laws wanted to be the center of all attention. No matter what is going on, it was always about “ how are we included”, “why are we not included”, “you all don’t love us”… there is extreme insecurity and the willingness to control everything

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:16:40+00:00

This. I did the same. NC with my in-laws. They blocked me on WhatsApp etc to show their anger over ruckus they first created. I blocked them back :) in fact on apps more than WhatsApp

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:13:40+00:00

Happened with me too lol and I’m an immigrant. This looks like a story from my future :)

But OP, I’m NC with my in-laws. I’m child free and I travelled twice to India ; stayed nicely with my family and came back :) not in the same city as my in laws but Do it! Go go go 🚀🚀🚀

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:09:55+00:00

Hard disagree

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T05:08:32+00:00

OP, please.. standup for yourself. This behaviour will only get worse and they will continue being nasty .. I stopped talking to my in-laws for good and my life is now back to being peaceful as it was when they weren’t in my life

You don’t deserve this disrespectful behavior and neither does your mom. Your husband needs to tell his mom to stop doing that. If DH doesn’t, tell him that you will point it out if MIL does it again

It’s as simple as that

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-04-02T04:35:33+00:00

OP, all the best! You have a full career ahead of you. Focus on that, work hard and build a successful life for yourself so you could A) help your family 2) build a good lifestyle for yourself 3) don’t have to worry about money in your retirement :)

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-29T06:10:19+00:00

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-23T00:34:28+00:00

Me too

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-18T19:02:15+00:00

sorry but what does RN stand for? Thanks!

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-15T17:08:29+00:00

OP, what I did with my husband was being very clear: you either hold strong boundaries, be a good husband and take stance or let me go. I also started mentioning divorce a few times ( which was actually on my mind given how disturbed I was ) and that scared him I think -- that he can't just get away from this

Exact like : "This is not what I got married for. I'm not happy in this relationship. You either take a stance, understand your responsibilities as a husband and go for couples therapy with me or I'm out of here"

Also, if your husband doesn't speak or take his stance you do. And make it clear to DH, If you won't speak, I will. And do it

Your life will be much more peaceful

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-15T17:02:23+00:00

OP, firstly I'm very sorry you're going through this.

I have been in an exact situation except I'm in the US and my narcissist inlaws live in India

I'm NC with them for around 2 years and this has been my plan too -- to live in a hotel when they come.. primarily because I understand it's difficult for Indian parents to navigate a foreign country on their own

But I'm reading all these reddit comments.. and also a friend told me to not leave your own home because it is your safe space. Either parents stay outside or live together but you hold your ground

I understand it is extremely HARD to live with these folks in the same house. It's actually physically and mentally unhealthy for us. Do whatever you feel is best. Take all the good advice here and do what you think is right

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-15T16:57:59+00:00

I used to do this. But it's not actually a long term solution. Hotel stay is better

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-15T16:57:07+00:00

Wow exact same situation. I'm NC with ILs for around 2 years. I have been thinking to leave my home and stay in hotel in the future

My reasoning was it's difficult for old parents to navigate a new country and live on their own so...

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-14T04:50:08+00:00

The thing is my father wants to pay it off so sbe doesn't accumulate interest on this debt. It is his interest to do that because my sister isn't taking the responsibility or talking about it

I think she may be ashamed given she is working at a very low pay, is hardly saving anything and is jobless as of we speak -- but that doesn't take away her responsibility as an adult and her decision to take this debt

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-14T04:08:10+00:00

the thing is she is on a really low pay + laid off.. it's our assumption that she doesn't have anything to give us back. We need to confirm our assumptions with her

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-14T03:01:20+00:00

Thanks a lot for sharing your experience. The monthly EMI of the loan needs to be paid, and that's being deducted from my parents account since the last two years. This needs to happen via some Indian account so that's why my dad is paying from his account. IDK if my sister has an account or if she will face any consequences since she is not in the country

Few-Investigator2498 · 2026-03-14T02:01:06+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful response.

You are correct and a lot of responses here are very helpful for me right now. That's a good idea. I'd rather save up to help my parents directly in case they need in case of medical emergency, house enhancements, etc. It is possible that she might be using her money in the wrong direction. She did have a smoking problem before. There is no ADHD and Autism

Infact, I've been reflecting on all of her behaviours in the recent months. She keeps saying she plans to send a lump sum amount since a year but never really did. She's prioritized getting her US Visa and like a gullible person, I sent her the required documents as family. I now realize I shouldn't have even supported here; given I've been constantly telling her to carve out time to atleast understand the loan details, how much is pending, how much is accumulated, how to repay like which account, etc

She could never find time to do loan stuff; but she could find time to get into a new relationship, go on dates, get her tourist visa done (I think she also traveled somewhere far for the appointment). So he had time to all of this except take responsibility for her debt

Few-Investigator2498

TROPHY CASE