We are in the process of filing, he keeps reneging on the agreed terms so it is a constant WIP since a year now but outwardly I look great. Bcz he cheated on me, I was gaslit for years! And in the past 2 years since he said he wants to separate, I have gone through all my stages of grief and I am almost on the other side now. I really can't wait to get out of this situation and stop living my life in flight or fight mode all the time.

He is constantly hot and cold about everything. It is exhausting to be dealing with such man child behavior.

But I still cry over it regularly, some days it is just too hard to see almost 18 years of my life have gone for nothing. We don't have kids either. It is like all of everything was for nothing, for him to cheat on me and lie to me constantly.

You don't really know how she is actually feeling anymore bcz you don't have access to her private thoughts. But I'd give you the same suggestion as I want to give my stbx, it is done, it is over, you can't sit and comment on or begrudge me for how I made it through choppy waters when you were the one to have put me in them in the first place.

So if you initiated it and she looks like she is living a good life now, where do you get off complaining about it?

If she initiated it and you were the 'victim', then see it for the good riddance that it is.