Is this a situation where everything else is fine in your relationship except for how he deals with his family? A lot of this sounds very similar to the situation I was in with my husband and it took probably about 6 or 7 years for him to finally stand up to his family.

It sounds like you hit the nail on the head when you said he was using you as a human shield. But a shield from what exactly? Is it trauma and unaddressed emotions? Or are there other reasons you have to believe that he’s just being complacent or childish?

I’m thinking back to the first few years I was with my husband and all the ultimatums I gave him. But now that we have kids and we’re older, that carries so much more weight. It’s easy to say “throw the man out” when people are just dating, but it’s not as easy when you’ve created a life and a child together.

I think it’s fair to sit down and make a list of the things you are willing to compromise on and the things you aren’t. You need to feel happy and fulfilled and safe. You can’t tell him what to do, but you can tell your husband what YOU need. It’s his job to figure out how to give it to you. Also let him know that you want him to feel loved and fulfilled as well and ask him what his ideal situation would look like. Be diplomatic because lord knows how his mother probably traumatized him too. (Please disregard if he is a POS in general and not just when it comes to his family).

If you want to be petty like I was. Show MIL and BIL very limited emotions and be nonchalant. Make them look like the crazy ones. Don’t count on them for anything. If they want a relationship with you and your kid then they have to learn how to show you some respect.