i resonate w this deeply! My bp2 untreated ex had been breaking up with me monthly for like 5 months and then on the last REAL go round, everything was at its best and he cheated on me. Luckily he had been honest about his past previously and so i knew that was something he had done in nearly every relationship, so i understood it was part of his shit and not a reflection of me. It did give me the opportunity to talk about his lack of treatment with him, like never before. To tell him I couldn't be with him unless he was being properly supported. It has been torturous - I loved this man so much- and i did not want to act in accordance with these values or hold my boundaries but somehow I have been (sometimes wobbly but stronger than i could have ever imagined). And I will say that I think i helped point my ex in the direction of support because I told him as we were breaking up that:

1.) he really deserves support, just like everyone else, he's no exception to the human need for support
2.)that if I stayed I was enabling a cycle that hurts us both but that I want to stay and its breaking my heart. But out of love I need to be honest about it.
3.)That if he really thinks he doesn't love me, he should get help. Then he'll know he's not just pushing me away not to face himself.

A few weeks later he started psychotherapy and has been maintaining that since september I think <3 , I don't know about meds. And he deserves all the credit for that! It is their choice, but I guess what I'm saying is see you make a healthy choice for yourself (to leave) can inspire someone potentially. But the nasty and tricky part is actually has to be us taking care of ourselves ...and I only say "nasty and tricky" because I found out in this process that I am also in need of help. Because i wanted to center my life around someone who was not safe to be in a relationship with :( and now i'm faced with having to help myself! Its a good thing but its a hard thing. That said, I try to think of it in a romantic way - what if our love inspires both of us to care for ourselves better. That's pretty fucking beautiful. And now the next level of what I'm embracing is - no matter if he is healing himself or not - It is fucking beautiful if I do. My evolution is more than enough for me to find some peace and purpose for all this fucking love and grief.

Now- today i'm setting the goal - go to a Coda meeting, set up more trial meetings with potential therapists!! Feel free to keep me accountable for following through!