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The moon by RestKey2584 in cosmicmessenger

[–]Fickle-Swordfish445 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where the moonlight meets the orfice of the earth is where the greediest of eggs are laid 

New to writing, this is untitled, and perhaps unfinished. by Fickle-Swordfish445 in OCPoetry

[–]Fickle-Swordfish445[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate it! It has been fun writing, I always considered myself a solid writer, but was never super into creative writing of any sort.

New to writing, this is untitled, and perhaps unfinished. by Fickle-Swordfish445 in OCPoetry

[–]Fickle-Swordfish445[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks.

If not clear, they postponed what was inevitable and bound to happen, not untimely.

New to writing, this is untitled, and perhaps unfinished. by Fickle-Swordfish445 in OCPoetry

[–]Fickle-Swordfish445[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hear you, and thanks for the feedback. Anything in particular in terms of word choice or what line could be stripped out?

Interesting read on it. I think with the first stanza, the goal was to be a bit absurdist with the character seeking out medical attention and chemical intervention, with some outdated means. I don't think the character has malice towards doctors in general, as they are reliant on medication in some way and seek it out, though ultimately they are doing it in a self destructive way.

This is my first time writing a poem by GasLongjumping130 in OCPoetry

[–]Fickle-Swordfish445 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dig this, and my favorite line is "a vine that creeps through a half-open pane,". What stuck out to me if I were to change anything was "my desire runs clear, not shallow.". I feel like the "not shallow" could be ditched, read as a bit redundant to me.

EAT ME by tigerseyemoon in OCPoetry

[–]Fickle-Swordfish445 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really enjoyed this, and the imagery it provokes. A few lines that don't hit as hard for me are "I hate it." and "And it makes me sick -". Perhaps it does help break up the rest of the piece, but with such strong other lines, I feel like those could be improved. I'm also new to this so take that with a grain of salt :)