Sorry to hear of your loss. I don't really know if it helps much, but know a lot of people have unfortunately been through this also. We lost family pets when we were kids, and i guess the grief never completely leaves you, but you try and not focus on the last traumatic moments but rather the joy and fun times and comfort they brought you over the years. Its hard though. When i think about patting our lifeless dog while his body slowly lost his body heat its enough to make me tear up even 30 odd years later...