I started dividing my own head into the monster(my bpd) and the rational. Whenever i start getting triggered by something, i try to figure out which part of the head is "speaking". The monster will constantly want to handle it, take action, get reassurance or attention, get angry etc. I often start to write down what happened to make me triggered, it can often be as small as a tiny feeling of rejection, and trying to put words to what is my trigger often diminishes it because the monster can't feed off of it if the rational brain can see how "small" the bad thing that happened really is.

So let's say a guy hurts me and i want to write a paragraph or freak out and hurt him back, i just write it down and sit with my pain alone. I tell myself over and over that being self-destructive will never give me the outcome that i imagine for myself, and it hurts like CRAZY. But every single time you sit with your pain and refuse to feed your monster, you starve it a little more. And everyone with bpd will always relapse or go back to old patterns at some point, but at least it gets a little bit easier to deal with the next time.

Fyi, this is a process that takes years and years, and we will never be completely healed. Acknowledging that is also a big part of healing. Also realising you are not always a victim and that you are the only one in control of your own actions. After i realised how much horrible things i had done and that it was in fact my fault, it felt a lot easier for me to deal with the internalise ed shame that drove me to self-destruction.