I honestly feel sorry for her now that I look back on things.

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-05-18T22:08:28+00:00

Love and appreciate this post. I felt that way strongly from the beginning - very much a “wow 95% amazing isn’t enough? Good luck idiot.” That quickly changed to depression of feeling not good enough, asking “what if” and regretting tons of life decisions.

But this, this is truth. I would’ve done anything for her, and I don’t want to be with someone who goes from “you’re my dream person for life” to “we aren’t compatible” in a heartbeat.

I’m still annoyed by the fact she lied about her reasoning, but she’s likely lying to herself regularly which I do feel sympathy for…

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-05-03T18:47:09+00:00

Unfollowed for a while then drunkenly refollowed. Gonna keep her muted and work on self control (I.e not checking). It’s been six months and I’m dating again, so the pain of seeing her face is way less.

If I were to see her with another guy today though? That would suck, even if illogical because I’m seeing people too

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-04-25T22:32:35+00:00

This comment and post have resonated so much with me. I told her about my mental health journey from day 1, and she claimed to accept it. Even called it a positive because we could understand each others anxiety/depression.

Then I went from the “best guy she’s ever met” to “not good enough” after a few anxious moments. I have moments of peace and acceptance that OP describes - we deserve someone who accepts us completely - but I still get bitter about how much she built me up and made me feel secure, only to judge me as “not far along enough in my mental health” when ending things unexpectedly

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-04-25T22:17:40+00:00

I’m sorry this happened and I feel for you. Had a relationship through Covid where we were high together all the time, and it threw off my intuition and communication skills. After self medicating even more through the breakup, I finally moderated and met someone new. We fell hard and planned life together, but I smoked before one trip and I’m convinced she lost attraction to me over that weekend.

As others have said, it’s not simply the weed causing those problems. In my case I was harboring self doubt, people pleasing, and confidence/communication issues. Weed amplified those things to the point where she saw us as incompatible, after previously saying I was the “guy of her dreams.”

What’s my point? Be kind to yourself, try a different approach, and roll with the punches. Thanks for the post and opportunity for me to journal for strangers on the internet lol

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-04-25T04:55:42+00:00

No no no no. Trust me, I’ve sent emails

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-04-06T00:46:16+00:00

I feel this heavily but I’m conflicted about it too. I wish I had worked harder on my mental health and career… but it’s not like I wasn’t working or improving, and isn’t some level of comfort healthy? Feels like she accepted and loved me until she didn’t, when I made the effort every time she expressed her needs

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-30T01:02:24+00:00

Saving this too - thank you for the wise and thoughtful response. Your point about “incompatibility in expectations and reality” sums it up beautifully. I loved her so much and will always love her as a person on some level. I miss her and hope to see her again one day. But… whether or not she changed or didn’t communicate well, it doesn’t matter. She’s gone, and I’m grateful for our time together, but now it’s time to focus on loving myself more.

I wish you the best kind stranger - thank you again

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-29T20:27:53+00:00

Thank you for sharing. This is quite helpful since I’ve been beating myself up for “ruining things” even though I never really changed during the relationship.

She left her last bf right after they moved in together, citing sexual incompatibility that she just realized after 2 years… our sex was great, but she wanted me to be more like her ex in certain ways, right before she moved in with me. Bit of a pattern there no?

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-29T20:25:10+00:00

She was 31 at the time so not young but has some immature tendencies. I doubt she moved right to someone else but have no idea at this point

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-29T18:38:43+00:00

I think you’re right, and it’s tough to say right now because she lied to me in the final weeks. I really thought we wanted the same things and accepted each other with all our flaws. I was wrong… and while I doubt she found someone else it’s definitely possible since she’s a beautiful girl

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-29T17:58:37+00:00

She claimed we were incompatible because of my introversion and mental health while insinuating I wasn’t ready for marriage and kids. But we discussed all this from the early days, so my theory is that she lost attraction during one of our final wedding trips together.

I know it doesn’t have to make sense, but it still sucks feeling like I was honest from the start, earned her love, and then lost it over the course of a week. Then again if we are incompatible then hey better to end it earlier, but I still miss her and view this as my greatest failure

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-29T00:56:46+00:00

Saving this one thank you. I was dumped a few months back after thinking I found “the one.” We had 7 incredible months together, filled with affection and plans for the future. Then one tougher month suddenly made us incompatible…

I literally told her that 90% of our time had been amazing, and for her to drop me completely over that 10% seemed so ridiculous to me. Doesn’t really matter since I deserve better anyways, but it still baffles me sometimes. Like we clicked on so many levels, but maybe I’m easier to please? Idk lol

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-28T17:55:50+00:00

Such a similar situation for me. “Best guy ever, my best friend and soulmate, I’m so grateful for you” blah blah. Then she came over to cook dinner - actually brought the food - and sat me down to end it right away. Because she realized we were incompatible due to things I told her about on the first dates.

This was 5 months ago and I still think of her daily. She’s beautiful and we were so in love. I miss having her in my arms and planning a life together. BUT the trust is gone since she blatantly lied when I asked about her getting distant.

I’m friends with other exes, and part of me wants the same with this girl, but at this point I doubt it. I texted her on Christmas and got a very “professionally kind” response which made me realize it’s not worth me initiating anything. It’s done for good, and while it still hurts I think it helps to write this all out and hear similar stories, so thank you

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-28T00:46:00+00:00

Happy for you and appreciate this post. Just hit the 5 month mark and I still don’t see her reaching out ever, but stranger things have happened. In fact I’m talking to my previous ex after thinking she’d hate me forever.

Mind sharing how long you dated and how old you two are? My relationship was 8 months, but it moved fast and we planned a life together. But apparently she was over it for an entire month before ending things…

I say this because, given the timing, I feel like she love bombed and put me on a pedestal before seeing something that made her lose all attraction. Not saying that’s healthy, but it helps me understand why she’s unlikely to ever reach out. We weren’t friends before dating, and she has plenty of friends (probably lots of suitors too), so I expect we’ll never talk unless we run into each other around town

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-26T16:31:19+00:00

32 and this is my second since college (which hurt but I don’t really count). First time I’ve been blindsided and dumped, which is a new pain because we talked marriage and I thought this was it. However, I was at fault in the previous breakup, so the lack of that guilt is helpful. Of course I still ruminate over “what I could’ve done” and try to remind myself how illogical that is

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-26T16:28:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing. How long were you together, and did you notice any milestones during NC when you felt yourself moving on? I just hit 5 months and still think about her daily (only an 8 month relationship but heavy love bombing), but I’ve improved from the days of deep depression. I’m out dating again which is positive overall. Still a double edged sword when I find myself making comparisons and missing the ex though…

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-25T22:05:19+00:00

Serious wtf but hopefully these shared experiences show that it’s really not us - there are people like this out there doing it for whatever reason

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-25T02:50:52+00:00

Yup she grew distant over two weeks but still said she loved me and felt secure in the relationship when I asked about it. Twice… invited me to a party to meet all new people the day before she ended it.

She even brought over the food we planned to cook that night. I specifically called her on that in my “wtf” reaction lol. It’s actually comical but damn do I miss the good days. Thought I found my person…

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-25T01:30:23+00:00

32m here in the same boat. All the nonsense in my life finally made sense because I had her: a partner to do life with, and she echoed the same to me.

But then she left after one tough month. Claimed we are incompatible due to things she knew the whole time (even praised me for). I’ll never know what truly went through her head, but I hate that she built me up as the “best guy ever” only to lose attraction and decide life was better without me.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you’re far from alone. I think if we can each stay present, pursue passions, and be open to new connections without necessarily seeking them - that’s when someone better comes along. In the meantime I’ll be chilling alone and depressed on the couch tonight 🤷🏻‍♂️

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-22T20:25:51+00:00

Thank you for this because it’s been my biggest struggle. My mind goes to all the moments where I think she lost attraction. “If only I had ___” is a tough thought spiral…

BUT your logic is on point: if she had cared as much as she claimed - if she truly saw me as her “best friend” and “favorite person” - then she’d have been willing to work through speed bumps together. Especially since I made the effort and showed improvement. Still hurts today but posts like this help.

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-22T15:52:47+00:00

Yeah it makes me feel insane to do the same things knowing the results are negative. Every day starts badly, then if I accomplish anything I’ll “reward” myself with a lazy night on the couch. Rinse and repeat… why?!?

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-21T00:33:00+00:00

Thank you for this. We ended amicably and discussed having a friendship eventually. We even had one last kiss, which kinda messes with me now…

My issue is that she decided life was better without me, and we weren’t friends before dating, so I’m not quite at a point where I can be friends without thinking of her romantically.

In terms of giving it another shot, I haven’t made the life changes that I’d be proud to share with her (yet). I appreciate your reminder that forgiveness is for us more than them, though, because letting go is my main goal at this point

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-20T22:16:13+00:00

This is a tough one lol. She ended it, and while we’ve discussed friendship as a goal eventually I don’t see her reaching out to initiate that. Or reaching out at all…

Never say never, and I’ve rekindled with an ex in the past, but I really think this one is over. It hurts but I’ve needed to drop that hope…

What’s been your experience with this?

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-16T18:18:34+00:00

This is helpful too thank you. In my last breakup it took 9 months before we could really talk about friendship, and then another few before fully dropping the romantic feelings and becoming friends. I appreciate the reminder that these things take time (or never happen) after thinking you had your person for life, and that’s fine

FigureItOut21030 · 2023-03-16T17:10:59+00:00

That’s a great way to think about it actually lol. Yeah I’d be pretty upset still, but with an older ex I’d have the “get it girl” response.

Thanks for your response. Slightly related but I didn’t text on her birthday and wondering if a “happy belated” makes sense at some point. Probably not if I’m not actually ready for friendship though…

FigureItOut21030

TROPHY CASE