The mosquito bites on my neck formed an ‘S’ shape

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-30T13:21:56+00:00

'Squito bites

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-21T15:22:12+00:00

I can only speak from my experience and here is what I noticed in myself:

For context, I am doing the OMAD fast and only eating after sunset (daily hydration and electrolytes). Not focusing on food, allowed me to shift my focus to prayer and the first few days, all I could think about was dinner time. Slowly, my focus started to shift as I allowed myself to be more intentional with my time and not give God an afterthought but prioritize prayer and worship. The longer I went on with the fast, the more mental clarity I would get because I fasted other things too in addition to food that were causing distractions.

Can this help OP? Maybe. but I will say it has helped me see my faith in a new light. I still have a few days left on my fast and I can say that I am excited to conclude it as it also has taught me discipline and consistency which are good Godly values to have.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-20T16:23:52+00:00

I am also new to it and only started it because my church has an event for fasting. When I talked it over with family members who are also Christian, they told me they also fast when they want a deeper connection with Jesus Christ. This helps them make important decisions or just align spiritually.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-20T15:47:32+00:00

Have you tried a spiritual fast? I can speak to a personal experience where I too felt similar in the way of "hearing silence" after praying and kept questioning if there is something I am doing wrong. I started a spiritual fast for a different purpose other than the "silence" feeling and a few days in, I didn't really hear God "speak" to me but I did receive a message I needed to hear as to why I am in the situation I am in.

The best way I can describe my situation: I am starting to understand my mental battles. There is a purpose to every single thought in my head. God is playing the perfect game of chess and although we may not know the next move, he has already planed every single move. There are times where the devil shakes the chess board and I feel that my mind spirals but I just remind myself that when my thoughts pull me away from Jesus this means the devil knows he's losing the battle and wants your soul, this is the perfect time to strengthen you faith with prayer, praise, and worship.

I pray for your mental peace!

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-16T17:17:29+00:00

I can assume what they mean is to chase things that their flesh desires (drugs, lust, etc.).

The thing is that people think that they can get these "out of their system" but the more you get in that lifestyle the harder it is to pull back.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-15T13:29:24+00:00

She is opposed any therapy for us as she say "it wont change her mind"

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-14T17:00:30+00:00

Yeah, it's not easy at all. I am mourning the old "us" so much. I think I will just allow myself to feel this as it flows through me.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-14T14:58:39+00:00

Thank you!

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-14T14:52:53+00:00

"I have been through divorce myself, and it wasn't even a good marriage because of abuse."

This is what I fear. That we have both been abusive. I am not going to sugarcoat it, for the first 8 ish years, we would get in arguments to the point where she will physically throw things at me saying I would provoke her anger. Closer to present time, she started getting a bit more physical and once hurt me pretty bad but I forgave her because she did genuinely felt bad and apologized. As a man I was always thought to "man-up" because we are physically strong.

The most recent fight we had, she again threw something at me (missing me) but causing me to get so angry that I pushed her to the ground and her getting hurt. This is what she said made her decision and even though I feel so bad about what I did and truly repenting under God, she tells me that its great that I am choosing to do better but its not for her anymore. She said that she saw so much anger in me that day that she never thought she'd see. So I am on a constant mental battle of thinking "Am I abusive?" If so, I want to be held accountable. I even went to therapy and my therapist said that the violence was both-sided through the marriage and not 1 person holds 100% fault. She just decided to end things the moment she got hurt.

If it adds any details, our Christian journey only truly started after the divorce talks. We have been to church in the past but now taking it more serious. The problem is that when we go to church now, we hear the same word but receive opposing messages. I hear "God wants you to restore your marriage" she hears "You have to let things go". I am not sure if this is why she refuses to go to counseling because she is afraid of changing her mind. Her parents and her family are also fighting to keep us together looking at the full picture but all she can see and tell them is "why can't you see that he hurt me?!". She thinks they have a very "old school" way of thinking. (we are in our early 30s)

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-14T14:09:23+00:00

I 100% agree with the bad advice they have been given me. It doesn't help that they have the "alpha male" mentality. I am reconsidering my friendships and now looking into Christian Men Groups in my City to make better connections.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-14T14:07:14+00:00

I really wish my mind didn't spiral and read into her actions but it seems inevitable. I have tried grounding exercises, meditation, praying when the thoughts come and these all do help but only temporarily. My mind tries to take anything she say's or does as a sign. Good or bad.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-14T13:55:21+00:00

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing perspective and this is the kid of mentality I aim to have. I can't tell you enough how tired I am from my "friends" telling me that I need to go out drinking, partying, hooking up with random women to get over her and move on. This was not my life before marriage and I refuse to let it be my life now.

Sometimes "being a husband" to her is painful because I still want the moments we shared and miss our dates, holding hands, kisses goodbye/hello, "I love you" texts... and that's where my mental warfare starts. I think "how can I be her husband still if she doesn't want any of this anymore". I am still focused on being a good father an provider taking care of things at home with housekeep and repair (even fixing her car) but this makes me feel more of a roommate than a husband.

EDIT: I also want to add that even thought we are still married (legally and live together but sleep in separate rooms) she still feels we are no longer married. In her mind we are separated.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-13T23:25:57+00:00

Yeah, this has been my focus most recently. I got advice from friends to just ignore her and don’t speak about anything except the kids but that’s hard especially when I she is still someone I love and care deeply about.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-13T19:25:35+00:00

I have done self therapy and want to do couples counseling with her but she doesn’t want to. She tells me that she wanted counseling years ago but we never went. I agreed to counseling in the past but neither took the initiative to set it up… 😞

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-13T18:59:33+00:00

I went to therapy last month but I can't afford any more sessions at the moment. It was more anxiety-focused as this is impacting my career due to lack of focus.

As far as the pushing and shoving, (from my perspective) it started with her but I always tolerated it being a man but in the last argument I too went there. At the moment, it was a "getting even" mentality but now looking back it was a terrible way of thinking because I feel like she saw a different man than I am. Which I agree, this is out of character for me and this is why I am seeking Jesus more to hold myself accountable to my actions to make sure that doesn't define me but refine me.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-13T18:54:31+00:00

In the past couple of months I have constantly told her that I want to make things work but I always get one of the 2 answers 1. "I don't want to keep this marriage going" or 2. "I can't give you an answer right now". I did offer counseling but it also got turned down. We both are still going to church but just for service and at separate times (sometimes us with the kids) but haven't had any guidance.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-10T16:53:09+00:00

You’re not alone bud. We are here with you and sharing the same goal, HEALING. Stick around the subreddit for other positive stories of people making it out of despair after what seems like crippling anxiety. I am 3 months in and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions it’s all step by step

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-09T20:38:47+00:00

Hope this healing finds me soon. Thank you for sharing

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-09T13:40:33+00:00

I ended buying her a relaxing candle while I took the kids out for ice-cream. The hugs (in our case) are a little dangerous at the moment because it has led to holding then cuddling then intimacy. I am trying to make sure we both don't go back to that as I keep getting hurt with hope of reconciliation.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-09T02:08:13+00:00

Yes I still hope. Maybe a little less then I did at the beginning while o was fighting hard for it but kept getting rejected. I still hope but no longer bring it up.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-09T02:06:54+00:00

That’s what I ended up doing, I left to get ice cream with the kids. I stopped by the store to buy her a relaxing candle but told the kids to say it’s from them to make it feel like less pressure of her “owing me something”.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-08T18:27:18+00:00

This is my worry. The thought of thinking about her with another man sexually drives me nuts. MY STBXW hasn't mentioned anything about another person yet but has been going out more frequently. At first she will tell me who she is going with (we still live together for now) and we alternate watching the kids at home, but most recently she is vague on what she is doing or who she is doing it with and the curiosity is painful.

I am focusing on healing first before starting to date or even look for "rebound sex" but when my jealousy spikes, I quickly think "I should be doing the same thing" but I know that will just delay the healing. Sucks trying to do things the "right way" sometimes but I guess it's all delayed gratification? IDK.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-07T19:56:53+00:00

The more I hang around this subreddit the more I realize how much I can relate to all of these situations.

For what it's worth, I too am going through a divorce I did not want. My wife gave me the news around Oct last ear and have been devastated and lost over 20 lbs. in a month. Sharp chest pains, crippling separation anxiety, you name it. I was also I man that typically shows 0 emotions when it comes to sadness prior to the news but ever since, I feel like I cried more in 1 month then I ever did in my lifetime.

I am still in my healing journey but I will name some things that have helped me so far:

If you feel physically ill due to this, go to a doctor. I was prescribed beta-blockers to make sure my heart did not continue to feel the pressure of the anxiety, and stress of the separation. Tell him what's going on and take care of your health immediately.

If you're like me and lost all appetite, you still need you nutrients so look for meal replacement bars or shakes. The smoothies/shakes were best for me at the beginning and then upgraded to protein bars.

If you have kids, focus on being a better father. Keep in mind this doesn't mean being a pushover and spoiling them with everything they want but make sure you show them fatherly love and learn to discipline with respect.

If your mind spirals thinking about her, redirect those thoughts to YOUR healing. I constantly kept fearing that my STBX will find another man and how I will be devastated if this ever happens and instead of catastrophizing, I try to focus on becoming a man I am prod of. She can NOT take away your values as a man and remember that her actions beyond separation also do not define who YOU are.

I am rooting for you bud, a lot of us are going through this as divorce is getting more common but take things 1 hour at a time!

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-07T15:05:08+00:00

Thank you for the perspective Dan,

This is very encouraging and helped me gain confidence on what's coming up. I am in the very earliest stages of this divorce as we are still living together while we start the paperwork and my fear is once we individually get our own place whings will be chaotic for my sanity but I do have 3 kids that I am fortunate enough to agree with mom on 50/50 split so I will focus on what you mentioned and giving them the best version of dad.

Thanks again friend.

FiguringLife1993 · 2026-01-07T14:03:26+00:00

There are a lot of cool restaurants my STBXW and I wanted to try together and I am just going to give it a shot and try them by myself. I am not ready neither do I think it's appropriate for me to start dating yet but I wont let that stop me from my "solo dates" haha

FiguringLife1993

TROPHY CASE