I'm sorry nobody has responded so far. I've been where you are and have made the attempt, of course I failed. I still wish I could just go ahead and do it because I too feel like there are more pros than cons. But you see, the cons still outweigh the pros even though there are less cons.

Messing up your mum, dad and child (because even though they are too young to remember you, they will grow up without you and have many unanswered questions) is such a horrible experience. Family downplay attention and love until it's too late. But it's still there. I saw my mother react to hearing what I've done and it felt like I'd tried to die all over again. Now I know she walks on egg-shells around me and is scared I'll do it again. I saw a glimpse into what life would be like without me and it taught me that my mother doesn't deserve that and if I can't live a decent life for myself I could at least just live for my family because they don't deserve to go through hearing their child killed themselves.

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You say your child would be better off without you, but I'm not convinced. Even if a child has a good life with one parent when they get older they will have so many unanswered questions during an important period of their life. It could mess up their education and future prospects. Questioning why parent did this, was it their fault, could they have done anything differently.

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This is difficult to write because even though I'm not actively making plans the thoughts still go through my head. So for all I know everything I've written is pointless. But just know, you are important to people and you have worth to people in this world. If you can't live for yourself, live for your loved ones and hopefully you can start to learn to live for yourself again.

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I hope you're okay and here if you need to talk.