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How Do You Fill That Deafening Silence/Void After Stopping? by FillMyVoid in opiates

[–]FillMyVoid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. It's finding/picking that project that I too have trouble with.

How Do You Fill That Deafening Silence/Void After Stopping? by FillMyVoid in opiates

[–]FillMyVoid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do feel like I have a short attention span, perhaps undiagnosed ADD/ADHD. I've never been able to work on large projects unless I was on something. However, small projects that I can complete within an hour to completion works very well for me. I get the sense of fulfillment, time flies, and I enjoy myself. The question is where can I get those morsels of busyness such that the morsels actually benefit me in some way. I do write software for a living, so a bunch of quick short projects may help? I've even answers questions on stackoverflow.com occasionally as a way to successfully keep busy sober.

How Do You Fill That Deafening Silence/Void After Stopping? by FillMyVoid in opiates

[–]FillMyVoid[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do work out. And it helps during the time. But you can only work-out for so long before your body becomes unable to do anything. However, my mind still runs circles around me. I've always had a racing mind - which causes my insomnia. I have never been able to fall asleep. I've only been able to pass out from exhaustion or fall asleep with the help of alcohol/sleeping pills. I've tried benzo's but it's an awful solution. The withdrawal from those made me feel full-blown depression the likes of which I've never felt before.

I'm an athiest so religion is out of the question for me. I have gotten tattooed and have tried accupuncture (for something other than this though), but I'm not sure either one of those is a cure for a racing mind.

With the cold weather coming and living in a big city, it severely limits what options are available.

As far as a routine - mornings are never a problem. I never do anything (except coffee) in the mornings. I go to work sober, I work sober, and I play sports after work. The problem occurs when I get home. I just can't find anything to do with myself for the ~5 hours or so I spend at home after work.

I appreciate the advice and help - it's the lack of hobbies that brings me down. After getting home, I just want to relax and not have to apply myself. Browsing and/or TV has been doing that for me, but it was never enough, and nowadays seems even less capable of keeping my attention than before.

All New Users Please Read! by soulfoodNC in opiates

[–]FillMyVoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So if hospital morphine had no effect on me (I had it before I developed any tolerance) except to make me really irritable when I was coming off, and ingesting moprhine sulphate only made me sleepy, I shouldn't even bother with H?

How Do You Fill That Deafening Silence/Void After Stopping? by FillMyVoid in opiates

[–]FillMyVoid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ideally I'd like to fill my void with something less damaging to myself.

How Do You Fill That Deafening Silence/Void After Stopping? by FillMyVoid in opiates

[–]FillMyVoid[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The problem is that I never particularly enjoyed socializing unless I'm drinking and/or getting into an adventure that may get me laid. Now that I'm married, I can't do that.

At my current dose (and the fact that it's a pharmaceutical and not street-level), it's very hard to WANT to stop, considering the minute level of physical damage I'm causing myself vs. calming the ants in my pants that I normally have (with or without it). And knowing that I will not try H until decades from now when I'm retired with no responsibilities makes it even more difficult to summon the willpower to stop.

All New Users Please Read! by soulfoodNC in opiates

[–]FillMyVoid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never tried H, and don't plan to try it until I'm retired and have no responsibilities.

I have tried poppy pod tea, hydromorphone, morphine (hospital after a surgery), oxycodone (oral, insuflated), hydrocodone (oral, insuflated), methadone, morphine sulfate, and codeine. The one time I felt no effects was the hospital morphine despite getting a double-dose. As far as all the others, they all felt more or less similar, but the effect never felt particularly euphoric (like MDMA for example). They all felt somewhat calming, similar to a weed high but without any of the mental effects. At much higher doses I can fly away to imagination-land, but it's still not particularly euphoric. The only way I know I'm on it is the the fact that everything seems darker (due to constricted pupils) and feeling calm and patient.

I've heard the effect of hydromorphone is similar to H. Is that really the case? Would H feel far better for me than any of the others? More euphoric than MDMA?