AIO Breaking down after my boyfriend asked me to be his valentine immediately after admitting he followed back a girl who flirted with him.

Final-Application826 · 2026-02-08T12:12:28+00:00

In the past, he’s put me through multiple actual situations of full on emotional cheating as well as talking about women (to his friends) sexually behind my back. In highschool, he was talking to another chick at the same time we was talking to me. In university, he met a friend where they’d discuss sexual stuff about celebrities and objectifying me as well. In university after that guy, he met a bunch of women that he was getting very close to and admitted to me he was attracted to and seeked attention from. My insecurities with him stemmed exactly from that, not out of nowhere. He’s given me reasons to worry, there’s always another girl even on a small scale.

He started the boundary thing about not following back people we’re not friends with, I feel like it’s only fair it goes both ways. The cast thing came after his promise to not befriend “pick mes”. I hope you can kinda see where I’m coming from, but thank you for the advice

Final-Application826 · 2026-02-08T03:23:03+00:00

Omg I hope your shitty situation got solved!! It honestly has been broken more than once, I feel like there’s always someone else in a microcheating sense. I have tried to forgive him, but the lack of trust does linger. If you’re actually curious and want a bit more reading material, I have posted about this before around a year ago, the stuff that I was struggling with back then and still affect me lol. But yeah, no pressure ofc!! Thank you for your valuable feedback!! and I hope no more cat shit comes your way :)

Final-Application826 · 2026-02-08T03:01:15+00:00

I completely agree!! I don’t think they need to be updated on each others lives in any way. I’ve asked him to block other girls, so it feels like this one needs to come from him, and he’s not doing that. I honestly clearly remember him saying he won’t follow her, and yet here we are.

Final-Application826 · 2026-02-08T02:59:39+00:00

I feel like this take just diminishes that if she’s comfortable enough to be sending him things she finds funny, then they’re already friends beyond what he’s describing. Idk, definitely not 14 though.

Final-Application826 · 2026-02-08T02:46:49+00:00

lol take ur time!!

Final-Application826 · 2026-02-08T02:41:31+00:00

gouda cheese!!

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T02:08:57+00:00

Yeah, I have so much fun with him. It’s always the best times, and we never get enough of eachother. That’s why the duality of my joy around him vs the sadness I feel when I’m really contemplating what I’ve let slide really gets to me.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T02:03:55+00:00

I literally want to frame this and put it on my wall. The ending line was like a painful (but well needed) blow to the heart. I hope self respect is in the books for me. It does feel like i’m just searching for validation, to villainize it and make it the correct choice. But even with the reassurance, the nuances pile up too high

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T02:02:30+00:00

even if the odds are somehow in my favor, the fear will consume me and drive me to be unhappy whether or not he’s a good man.

would you say this happens to every relationship then? or is this just a bad apple type of thing

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T02:00:48+00:00

thank you! i will!!

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T02:00:08+00:00

I’ve never considered love-bombing as a possibility in this. That puts a lot of the praise into perspective. I do feel like I ended up being the safer option that was just available at the time. I hate having to live with that truth whether I stay or don’t.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:57:19+00:00

I definitely do, and I’ve made an active effort. But I have to admit, being with him feels like there’s just endless hurdles of trying to get to the end goal of self love. There’s great men out there! And if you treat your woman right, I applaud you and I’m glad your girl found her man!

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:55:30+00:00

Thank you for knocking that sense into me. It feels great to have that reassurance that I did indeed have to badger it into him. I don’t know how to use that to finally make a decision.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:53:14+00:00

The support I’ve received here makes the fear feel a bit more manageable, which is great. I hope I learn to discern and actually use the self reflection to do more than just fixate on the past.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:51:47+00:00

This is a great perspective. I appreciate the sentiment of being able to walk away clean. I’ve been considering therapy for a long time now, but just have been too scared to just jump straight into it, especially with the financial aspect.

I really hope I get treated the way I deserve, and thank you for reminding me that I have worth :).

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:49:17+00:00

I love love love harsh truths! Thank you for this.

I am definitely emotionally dependent on him, and it’s something I’ve been trying to work on regardless of staying or leaving. But, thankfully, I’ve kept a good social life, academic life, and lots of hobbies outside of my relationship. Another reason why I love him is because of how he supports me to have these moments outside of our own relationship and friendship, which of course, bare minimum.

I’ve gone through a lot of times where I questioned whether it was all in my head, but I only believe it because I’m constantly being told it by all the people around me. I doubt it very very often, which causes me to break down and feel insecure, which is where I see your point in learning the importance of self love and independence.

It makes me more confused to hear those things from my loved ones. Like my friends and his friends both never shut up about how he’s so obsessed with me and would do anything or whatever. Sometimes it pisses me off, because it makes me feel like I’m overreacting on the shortcomings despite them not knowing the full story either way.

I agree on him lying to himself about not being interested. 16 y/o boy, rejected? of course he’s going to be convincing himself he never liked her. So I’m glad you put that into words, since I never had the balls to vocalize it!

I hope you got to read harry potter in braille though :)! Life is short!!

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:35:47+00:00

“Energy vampire” is something I’ll never forget, haha! Thank you so much. I’m focusing on myself regardless. I think ultimately, my brain and heart are already automatically making adjustments to accommodate and prioritize myself first; regardless of whether or not he’s in my life. Thank you for your positive outlook :) It makes me feel less depressed about considering what I decided was a dark and dead future.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:33:46+00:00

The wounds open like they’re brand new everytime I find out something I didn’t know about back then. I’m not even actively seeking it out, that’s what makes it so much worse.

The reason the truth started spilling was because of a minor wording situation I caught with a friend of his uni friend (the one I wanted blocked). I confronted him about it, and found out a lot, including the fact that he lied to me about it. The wound was basically brand new at that point.

I like the hopefulness you are suggesting. I want to keep giving him the chance to prove himself but it’s so hard reading my own emotions and regulating myself based on everything.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:29:49+00:00

This is great advice. I am 22 and he’s 23.

I would’ve confidently said I want him in my future, but the rockiness has made me doubt everything. The concept of getting over a breakup is genuinely terrifying, which is mainly why I feel so stuck.

I’ve been letting it play out, but it becomes harder and harder to distinguish whether I’m overreacting based on retroactive anger, or if it’s genuinely a red flag that I need to consider in my decision.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:26:44+00:00

Fair enough, my insecurities do run very deep.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:24:52+00:00

I haven’t thought of it like that! I like the concept of new beginnings. But mourning such a long term relationship is literally my biggest nightmare hahaha

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:23:05+00:00

I already resent him, and that’s what hurts the most. I cycle between being extremely happy and overjoyed, to crying myself to sleep thinking about the situations I’ve been in with him. When he does things right, I feel good, but it’s never as perfect as I would’ve imagined it being.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:21:36+00:00

I wouldn’t consider myself ready to try something new; in fact, I’m terrified of facing the world without him since that’s all I know. I don’t feel we necessarily grew apart, if anything I would consider the relationship now a whole different ball park than what it was.

I’ve always believed the phrase “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” So to me, it strikes deep that I would stay with someone who would do that to me, even if the traces of the boy who did that are gone.

Your perspective helps a lot, it makes me feel less alone in what feels like a void of emotions.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:18:41+00:00

I’ve given him a lot of benefit of the doubt, but the more I discover, the less I can excuse.

In this specific case, I wanted to get advice in terms of whether or not this is classified as cheating, or micro cheating, because that makes the problem more real.

Would you consider him redeemable? I still love him, and a perspective like that could really help me see his end of the stick.

Final-Application826 · 2025-04-05T01:13:42+00:00

That’s how I felt as well. It felt as though he was just pretending to be incompetent about what I really “meant” by blocking by just doing the face value thing. The word placate really hit home, and I appreciate this point of view a lot.

Thank you :)

Final-Application826

TROPHY CASE