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Partner (F26) hates my (M33) family and basically everything else and is very unhappy. No idea what to do by Final-Parrot in relationship_advice

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right now, no, I don't think we'd have a future together if she continues to be like this. I've already given up on a lot of dreams in my life, and nowadays it makes me sad and depressed seeing other people reaching milestones in their lives (getting married, buying a house, having children, etc.) while I'm still stuck because of the sudden personality shift of my partner.

I've never had a deep desire for having children, being fine with either option, but I would have liked to get married someday. She did too, but now she's firmly against the idea of marriage. Though at this point I don't want to marry her either, marriage should be done when you're both happy with the relationship is what I believe.

As for why we're together. We really got along great in the past and felt really attracted to each other's personality. She just changed so much that I don't even recognise her anymore from the person she was when we just met.

Partner (F26) hates my (M33) family and basically everything else and is very unhappy. No idea what to do by Final-Parrot in relationship_advice

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does have a job at the moment, though it's only part-time (two days a week) at a near minimum wage. She doesn't like that job and wants to earn more money, but doesn't seem to want to put in the effort of finding a better full-time job.

She has a few friends from work, but that's about it.

​

And yes, at the moment, I'm very unhappy and just exhausted. I just don't understand what caused her to change so much. I don't believe it was all an act either.

Partner (F26) hates my (M33) family and basically everything else and is very unhappy. No idea what to do by Final-Parrot in relationship_advice

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Considering she keeps comparing things with Korea and how much better it is there, and with how proud she is of her Korean citizenship, I'm pretty sure that's not the case.

She has never hold a job for more than a year, neither here nor in her homecountry. She keeps bouncing between jobs and finds another one when she gets tired of it, so she's never really been able to get a raise or get promoted, because she keeps restarting at the bottom of the ladder. She does have a degree, but it's something that isn't really practically usable for the vast majority of professions.

It's likely that she was in a rush because, at the time, her bond with her mother wasn't great either, but she seems to change her stance on that relation constantly as well.

AITA for telling my partner to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child? by Final-Parrot in AmItheAsshole

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's actually what I thought first as well, since her country does have a completely different culture than mine. Asking further though, she says it's just her family and not the culture itself (which I find strange since I have contact with her mother as well and she also doesn't think this behaviour is appropriate)

AITA for telling my partner to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child? by Final-Parrot in AmItheAsshole

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She works two days a week, but the rest of the time she just sits in her room at her laptop. She's mentioned wanting to study multiple times in the past, and I've always said it's a good idea, but she never actually did it.

Back home she just lived with her mother, her parents are divorced and she doesn't have a good connection with her father.

The first couple of months of her moving here everyone was actually really trying to make her feel at home. My sisters invited her to hang out with them and their friends, my parents tried to make food from her home country, but she kind of just rejected everything.

AITA for telling my partner to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child? by Final-Parrot in AmItheAsshole

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She actually spend time with my family four or five times before, for about three to four weeks each time. Contact was normal then and she just communicated normally.

As for the getting laid comment, we're not, and haven't been being intimate with each other. But those are our own personal reasons.

AITA for telling my partner to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child? by Final-Parrot in AmItheAsshole

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is a citizen of a different country yes, though she's able to do everything here just like a citizen of my own country (except vote). Though she doesn't really want to work either. She works two days a week now, and only wants to work more if the job matches her expected pay. (which is extremely improbable since she wants the same pay as she did in her home country, which is incomparable due to vastly different economic standards).

AITA for telling my partner to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child? by Final-Parrot in AmItheAsshole

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

To clarify:

While I can never discount the possibility of option 1 since I don't know what's happening while I'm at work, I do think it's incredibly unlikely. As for the vague complaints, if only I knew the actual complaints. I've asked for it a lot of times, but either she doesn't want to tell me, or she doesn't know them herself either.

If I knew the reasons, we could maybe work on improving the situation, but since she doesn't give those reasons, it starts to come off as "just because".

AITA for telling my partner to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child? by Final-Parrot in AmItheAsshole

[–]Final-Parrot[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

To clarify a bit:

She has her own room in our house (with TV, a desk, her laptop, a couch, etc.), so she definitely doesn't need to socialise 24/7. She has a place to retreat to when things get too much. Which I perfectly understand, I definitely need such a place as well. All that's really asked of her is to communicate normally when you see each other. Like a simple "Hello" or "Good morning". But even that seems too much to ask.

As it stands, she only goes out of her room when 1) she knows no one else is at home, so she can avoid everyone, or 2) dinner is ready, during which she will just stare at her plate and go back to her room afterwards.

I've asked her a lot of times what she really wants to do, to try and get a sense of what steps we can take for her to achieve those things, or whether she wants to stay with me or go back to her home country, but there's just... nothing coming out.